First Date DC

Roosh says,

There are only so many ways I can tell a girl that a guy isn’t into them. When starting this blog I never thought 85% of the questions would come from women. Because my main skill is in helping men, I know that my typical “move on” advice to women was probably not all that helpful to them. When the goal of a woman is to find one man to nest with, they don’t want to hear it when you tell them to find another guy. In that respect, I failed.

From working with Kathryn, I clearly see how tough dating is for people our age. Because of this there is an industry composed of dating books, seminars and workshops, and as long as men and women need to physically mate to continue the species, there will always be a demand for dating advice. While we can’t confirm if our advice helped bring two people together, I think we helped the human race more than not.

My final advice is for everyone still working on that one crush. I know it is fun to have a project, to work on that one guy or girl you really like. But it never fails that the more you really like them, the less chance you will get with them. Liking a person a lot before intimacy occurs is a good sign that they their value is considerably higher than yours. In other words, they can do better. It is not until I stopped valuing women that things fell into place for me.

Perhaps if we only answered one question a week could we keep it going and stay fresh, but the daily nature of the blog doomed us from the start.

Kathryn says,

Boy, did I love this site. What a great idea: he said/she said advice from Roosh, the man I affectionately refer to as my dick kid brother, and me, old lady looking for love. How could we go wrong? And for a while, it seemed like we might actually be helping people. Or at least entertaining them.

But lately, when I’m reading the new questions that come in, I find myself thinking we’ve already answered them. I search for the questions in old posts, certain that the person must have submitted twice, but never find them. I’ve come to the slow realization that everyone just has the same problem, over and over, in different terms but agonizingly similar patterns. And I’ve started to dread answering their questions. How many times can I say he doesn’t like you, you don’t like him, she is playing you for a fool, or he’s a lying, heartless bastard? I think I’ve exhausted my supply of “it’s not working and you should recognize it” euphemisms, both kind and unkind. So it’s time to stop.

To everyone whose questions we’re leaving unanswered, I apologize. I encourage you to read the archives - you’re bound to find something you can apply to your own situation.

And to everyone else, thank you for eleven months of helping me feel like I’m not quite as dumb about relationships as I once thought. Some of you are way dumber.

XOXO

We will still continue our individual blogs…

Roosh at rooshv.com

Leah writes,

At the ripe old age of 27, I’m of the mindset that if I can tell early on that it’s not going to work out long-term with the person I’m dating, I cut my losses. I will keep them around for sex or friendship, but I don’t see the point in wasting my time, relationship-wise.

That said, I’ve started seeing a guy with whom I can see long-term potential, but for one thing: he smokes. A lot. Like a pack a day. I am a nonsmoker, can’t stand the smell of smoke, can’t understand why people waste time/money/energy smoking cigarettes. He’s tried, unsuccessfully, to quit in the past and I don’t think he’s that interested in trying again.

Should I cut and run? Stick around and pull “cigarettes or me” when the relationship becomes more serious? Hang pictures of black lungs in his apartment?

Love the site!

Kathryn says,

First things first: have you ASKED him about smoking, really? You say you “don’t think he’s that interested in trying again.” But are you sure about that? Talking to the person is always a better idea than speculating on your own, especially if your relationship could end if you decide unilaterally he’ll never stop smoking.

Second things second: you can’t convince someone to quit because you want them to. For it to stick, they have to be ready and really want to quit. I have friends who tried to give up smoking for their spouses, and really wanted to do it for them, but just couldn’t find the desire within themselves. They ended up having fights and sneaking smokes all the time. I’m sure they will eventually quit, but they couldn’t do it on their spouses’ timetables. I have also known people who just all of a sudden stop and never want one again, after trying to quit several times in the past. You need to find out for certain what he wants, again by talking to him.

Roosh says,

Don’t you see a pattern? If this man didn’t smoke, you’d find some other reason to write in complaining about how he is perfect except for this “one thing.” You are not ready for a real relationship, because a real relationship takes sacrifice and compromise. You are still caught up in your own world where your man has to be perfect and ideal. Unfortunately things don’t work that way, and I don’t see how you will be in a long-term relationship any time soon.

burned writes,

i started dating this wonderful guy over the summer who really swept me off my feet. we have tons in common, chemistry, hit it off immediately. of course in the very beginning i was a big skeptic, and wasn’t sure i could trust him - which i attributed to the fact that my last boyfriend blatantly cheated on me with a friend of mine, so i have lingering trust issues in general. anyway, things with new guy have gotten serious, parents meeting parents, making long term plans, etc…but i found out (from him) that i wasn’t too far off. basically his sketchy “family reunion” trips to nyc were actually to visit his girlfriend of over a year. he since broke up with her, saying he truly wanted to be with me, but i can’t seem to get over the fact that he lied to me, and went back and forth between both of us for almost 2 months…it sorta ruins the beauty of the burgeoning love story, ya know? i told him from the beginning, i treasure honesty above all else, but now his ‘i really love yous’ seem to ring false…all i do is piece together his string of stories and realize how often i was duped. he’s pretty open about it, tells me to “stop worrying about these things of the past” and i realize i never actually asked him if he was seeing anyone else, i just assumed that since we were sleeping together it was impossible for someone else to be in the picture. but also what irks me, is that it doesn’t show much respect for someone he dated for more than a year. he’s going away to grad school in the fall and as you can tell, i’m pretty nervous it’s all going repeat itself. so how do i get over it, and know he’s the real deal? do i write it off as nobody’s perfect (and that he’s pretty darn close?) and well, most people i guess aren’t exclusive from the getgo?

Kathryn says,

He is a lying liar who tells lies. To you. And to his other girlfriend(s). And to his parents. And probably to his friends. And to himself.

You don’t get over this. You get AWAY from this.

And if you just don’t believe me, and think he has redeemable qualities, think about this: he VERY easily could have given you an incurable STD with all that bedhopping between “committed” relationships. What a guy. So worth the insecurity, fear, and dishonesty, right?

Kelvin writes,

I am a single black professional male in DC aged 23, i have been single all my life and i have never had a kiss in my life. I have recently been trying to get out more often because i am looking for a girl(no race preference) i can settle down with but i have no game or strategy to go about this issues.Can you guys give me any advice on how to go about this?

Kathryn says,

I’m mostly going to defer to Roosh on this one. After all, he’s the one writing the book on game. Literally.

My best advice to you would be to do your best not to stress over this, or consider it a liability. At first, you may want to try meeting younger women, or women through your church - women who may be a little less experienced - in order not to feel inadequate or intimidated. As for what to do with these women… Roosh?

Roosh says,

These open-ended questions go beyond the scope of this blog, but I will say that you need to think baby steps. And by baby-steps I mean years of failure and rejection until you get this shit handled. Read what I wrote for Tight Game Week and then read Tony’s Lay Guide. Check back in six months.

Hoping for a third date… writes,

So I met this guy about a year ago and we had a nice, but not memorable date. No sparks, so we both went our separate ways and we recently reconnected. After a few fun emails, we recently met up, had a GREAT real date that led to some hot and heavy fun afterwards (fueled by too much alcohol!). The next day, the guy called and we made plans to hang out on a work night. Needless to say, without all the alcohol the next date and the hook-up afterward weren’t quite as “va-voom.” I ended up feeling nervous and I wasn’t really myself.

So my dilemma: I want another chance! I think we reconnected because we are attracted to each other and I would love to get to know the guy better with at least one more date. He is a bit older(early 30s) and I am worried that he has written me off too quickly. I haven’t heard from him since our date (Sunday), so when can I get in touch? More importantly, do you have any advice on how best to score one more chance? There are all of these more low-key date activities I would love to do this weekend if only I am not written off for good!

Timely advice would be greatly appreciated!:)

Kathryn says,

I have a feeling this wasn’t as timely as it should have been, so I apologize. However, I plan to answer as if it is timely, so there.

If you want another chance, ASK for it. Invite him to do one of those low-key date activities over email or call him on the phone. If you hadn’t heard from him since a Sunday, I’d say you could get in touch on a Wednesday or Thursday without seeming eager. Otherwise, you’ll just end up wondering about it. And writing in to dating websites.

Roosh says,

If you haven’t heard from him since the date, it really doesn’t matter if YOU want to see him again because he obviously does not. I’m guessing he thinks you are frigid and cold without alcohol, like you yourself admit. Instead of focusing on this guy, how about you solve the root problem for when the next dream stud rolls around. My suggestion: have a couple of shots before every date.

Tired of playing psychologist writes,

I’ve been going out with a girl for a month and a half and we are both quite fond of each other. So far we’ve only made out some, but not kissed. She admitted up front she has some intimacy issues and she was certainly worth waiting for, so it wasn’t a big deal. Now she complains that I’m not helping her overcome those issues and that I act less confident which reinforces her awkwardness.

At the same time she says I should be more aggressive with her but also less sexual - more intimate but non-sexual touching such as holding hands. I think she more or less wants more physical rapport building.

I’m not sure what to do. I’ve tried some experiments - sitting on the far side of the couch watching a movie in the dark - she’ll ask me to come over to her. She’s equally frustrated and I think she will lose interest if we don’t get to the sexual point soon.

What should I do?

Kathryn says,

As Joey Rousso would say, WHOA! How can you make out without kissing? Isn’t that the first step of making out? In fact, I’d consider kissing a step below making out, as the latter implies there was some kind of touching to go along with the kissing.

If you guys were 15 and it took you six weeks to kiss, I probably wouldn’t think much about it. But for the sake of the argument I’ll assume you’re more like 26. And at that age, this isn’t right. As great as she is and as much as you like her, it’s really not your responsibility (especially at this stage in the game) to do all the work to make her feel comfortable, make her feel sexually desirable, and make her want you. And I’m utterly confused by her demands that you only hold her hands and put your arm around her vs. your assertion that she will lose interest if you don’t get physical ASAP.

As Miss Clavel would say, something is not right. And with every kindness and good intention, I have to say I honestly believe your lady needs to see a therapist and work through whatever’s causing her anxiety about physical intimacy. I hope you feel comfortable enough to tell her.

Next up in our ongoing series of guerrilla advice is none other than Grateful Dating’s Jamy. In her recent post “Interesting,” Jamy discusses a significant other’s role in taking care of you when you’re sick. Excerpt:

I said, “No. I’m not kidding. That’s the whole point. That’s your job.”

“That’s my job?”

“Yeah. If I’m sick, you have to take care of me.”

Read the whole post here.

Roosh says,

Reading the dialogue was like pulling teeth. It was obvious the blogger was just fishing for love, attention, and proof that her significant other cared for her. But unfortunately she is fishing in the wrong creek because not many men are eager to crawl hand and foot to service an older woman’s needs as if she was a child. And even if he did, she’d probably write him off as being too nice. In the end she is digging her own hole, but as long as the guy takes it, he deserves the games she plays.

Kathryn says,

I’ve definitely done things like this in the past, so I sympathize. I would bend over backwards for someone - drive them to the airport, make them dinner, pick them up, drop them off, buy them little presents, etc. - when the other person never asked me to do it. They appreciated it, but they didn’t ask for that special treatment. Then, when the other person doesn’t do something I want (when I didn’t ask for it, usually), I would get upset. And I would seem irrational and needy. And it would cause problems.

I have since learned not to do anything for someone else that 1-they don’t ask for, 2-they don’t need, and 3-I may resent later, especially if it interfered with something I was doing (like the dinner you left to take care of Owen). So far, so good.

Looking for some girl friends writes,

I am a heterosexual female looking to meet other heterosexual female friends in the DC area. I’ve noticed that DC does not boast a large number of hot, young, professional women. Do either of you know of any local hangouts where there are hot girls who are friendly? I’m looking for some women who love to go out, dress up, and drive the males crazy.

Roosh says,

Since you are already complaining about girls in your question, I predict that you will make a fine girlfriend, the kind who is nice to your face but stabs you behind the back with how you can lose an extra five pounds. And I’m not being sarcastic because this is what your kind feeds on.

As for driving men “crazy,” I’m guessing you mean “crazy when I give him a blow job in the bathroom stall” instead of “crazy when I cocktease the fuck out of him to satisfy my attention-whoring needs.” In that case, carry on.

Oh yeah your question. I only know where to meet girls for sex, not friendship.

Kathryn says,

One of my best girlfriends is a big-time primper. She’s very beautiful, but she tends to spend several twenty-minute periods in front of the ladies’ room mirror whenever we go out. And every single time, she ends up befriending another lady in there, whether it’s because she gave outfit advice, relationship counseling, a little make-up, a little hair-fixing, or what have you. Consequently, her list of hot, young female friends is staggering.

Therefore, I think you should follow her model, but stick to the “hottest” clubs in DC. Befriend women in the bathrooms at K Street, Lima, Eyebar, Play, Spank, and other similar clubs. You could probably just look at the absolute addiction website, pick out the parties/clubs that had the girls you like best, and then go there.

Something else that would also work is just spotting pretty, stylish, fun-looking women in clubs and walking right up and complimenting their shoes or hair. And if all else fails, just get to know the coolest women your guy friends date.

It’s really not rocket science when you’re searching for good-looking gold diggers. Oh wait, was that not what you meant? My bad.

As you may already know, DCB is now known by the name Roosh.

lost in translation? writes,

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2.5 years and for the entirety of those 2.5 years, we’ve been nearly inseparable (see each other 5 days or more out of every week — eee, I know!) It’s hard to be apart. The thing is that I’m barely ever at home. I’m always with him it seems (or at least, everyone has pointed this out to me, which is probably why I’m having such thoughts …that I will get to shortly)…

We have never talked about moving in together; living together, except for once or twice (from what I can remember, he had brought it up as an idea, or just laying it out on the proverbial table). We also barely talk much about a future together, rather …a future, where he does or wants to do this/that, or what my future plans are. It seems from afar that we’re just so into each other that we both are living in the now with no thoughts about a future together, or that we’re both so scared of even bringing up the idea in the first place to even seriously talk about it.

So, I suppose my questions are: Should I bring up the possibility of living together? If so, how do I go about it? Should living together not be an issue right now?

Many thanks.

Kathryn says,

You guys have a long, great, solid history together. It seems you’re at a point where talking about living together and/or marriage and/or your future is appropriate. So do it.

However, before you do, make sure you know for certain exactly what you want and how you feel about it. Do you really want to live with him, or do you just want him to spend more nights at your place (right now it seems he only stays at his place, with or without you)? If you did live with him, would you feel you needed to be engaged, or that marriage was at least on the horizon? How long would you be willing to live with him without being engaged? You may not need to share all of this with him, but it would help you to know it before you broach the subject.

And as for practical advice, I’d start just the way you did above. Tell him how great things are, and how much you enjoy being with him. Then tell him you feel that you’re never home, and go on from there. Good luck!

DCB says,

Once upon a time there was this female squirrel. She was working hard to store nuts for the winter like she always did, but then realized that if the other squirrels would stop stealing her nuts, she wouldn’t have store as many. So she killed all the other squirrels and relaxed on her favorite tree. To her, it was this leisure time that made life worth living. Until, of course, a car ran over her.

I’m sure you can connect the dots.