First Date DC

“but seriously, when should i call?”
Top 10 Hall of Fame

January 31, 2006

Relationship guy

stranger in a strange land says,

What I want: To have great freaky and not freaky sex with lots of different hot chicks.

What I get: Lots of great chicks who want to date me, have relationships with me, talk, etc. Which makes me feel bad because I’m a nice guy at heart and hate to tell them that I don’t like them in that way and I’m not looking for a relationship.

So how do I get more of what I want and less of what I get?

about me: Early 30’s in great shape, slightly above average looks, smart, retired, average sized hands.

Kathryn says,

First, I love that you mentioned your hand size! Good to know.

Now, on to the question. If you are not at all looking for a relationship, why are you meeting women and taking them out on dates with only sex in mind? You haven’t provided any details on how you start these…acquaintances. You’re obviously giving “great chicks” the impression that you are open to a relationship, otherwise they wouldn’t pursue one with you.

If you really only want to have sex, I say put the most blatantly obvious “I am looking for hot sex and hot sex only” profiles on MySpace, Friendster, Yahoo, AOL, Craig’s List, FaceBook, City Paper, and anywhere else you can find. Seek out hot women looking for the same thing. Bang away. Use condoms. Leave the dating out of it, especially if you don’t want to talk.

Then, when you’ve had your fill (and been tested to make sure you have no STDs), try dating. I just hope there are still some great chicks left when you do.

DCB says,

Okay I know exactly what your problem is: you’re too nice. Deep down inside I am a nice guy, but I have locked him up in a cage and let the jerk freely control my interactions with women. This results in girls who usually don’t consider me as a boyfriend, so they bang away without worrying about appearing too easy. A girl liking you too much can hurt because, as you have learned, girls like to withhold sex from guys they think could be a boyfriend. So don’t be that guy!

Do just enough to get the notch, and no more, else she may consider you a boyfriend. This really is advanced game because you need to be aware enough of what it takes to get her in bed, and in bed only. Some tips:

1. Do not flash money. Do not say you own your own car or house. Say you have roommates.
2. Don’t take her to expensive places. (Tough for me since I tend to like nice lounges.)
3. Don’t tell her how you want to settle down. Drop things like, “I wonder when I will get tired of going out with friends.”
4. When she asks you what your longest relationship was, say something like “six months.”

What happens is you become the guy that girls call in between boyfriends to bang, instead of being the actual boyfriend. If you don’t want a relationship, this is absolutely perfect.

NYE party

Anon writes:

I met this guy at a NYE’s party. He got my number and called 15 minutes after leaving the party to say that he hoped we could get together later in the week. We went out that Thursday night. Date was great. We even made plans to get together that Saturday night. Saturday afternoon comes and he calls to cancel because he’s sick. I do know that he had been battling a cold all week.

He calls that Wednesday to say that his next two weeks are super crazy with school, family coming into town, and leaving for a week for a business trip. However, we are able to set up a time to get one drink on Friday night before his family comes into town for his neice’s birthday party. This time I still enjoyed talking to him but he was very distracted.

We’ve emailed some and texted some and he called me from the airport before coming back from his business trip. However, he hasn’t made plans for us to see each other again.

On Tuesday I got this text: Didn’t forget about you. Going on yet another road trip tomorrow. Will catch up soon.

I didn’t respond.

The email:

hey, did you get my text message the other day? how is everything going? Over here it has been soo freaking crazy it is unbeleivable. Running here and running there without any breaks. On the nice side of things, when I head out to Co next week, I get 2 free days to use which is awesome. Well hope all
else is going well and will talk to you soon. Dont be a stranger :-)

After the email:

I saw he was online and we IMed for a bit. I told him I hoped we could catch up soon. He tells me that he also hopes so, but he doesn’t know when it will be as he’s pretty booked up with school and going out to CO.

So, what is going on here? Is he into me or what? And what’s my next move? Wait for him to call or respond to his email?

The translation:

It is obvious that sex occured on your date, because his behavior is the “male post-sex phase out” move. This is when you have sex with a girl that you don’t want to hurt, but don’t really want to see again, so you phase it out with lame excuses and distant moves. You want to keep her on the side for when you get desperate or particularly horny. Bottom line: He doesn’t consider you as girlfriend material. Maybe on your date you ordered the most expensive items in the menu, or you blurted out inappropriate feelings after sex.

But you may be able to weasel another date out of him. Here’s what you can do…

Never contact him again and let him chase you down. Pick up the phone once every two or three times he calls. Reply to text messages every other time with very short answers. Don’t bother replying to emails. Play the game, and play it hard. If he’s the type of guy that is susceptible to this game, and I’m betting he is because he is using it, he’ll ask you out again.

January 30, 2006

Date rape?

Carefully read the entirety of this disturbing date story:

So you’re in your living room and you’re putting on the movie and now he’s half on top of you even though you’re half watching the movie and he’s whispering things that half interest you and he’s taking down your pants and his thick fingers find their way into your panties and you’re half protesting and thinking it would be really nice if he would leave because you’re still half-drunk, but he’s twice your size and he’s a nice guy, right, so isn’t it easier to just not say anything or do anything or to even maybe say something half encouraging and then hope and pray he’ll be a nice guy and have a bit of decorum and realize that you’d really rather him leave and then you wouldn’t have to be a bitch…

DCB says,

I’m very disturbed that so many commenters to the above story are quick to cry rape. This is definitely not a case of rape, but a woman trying to relieve the guilt for sleeping with a guy she hardly knew.

1. She remembers everything. This implies a level of cognition that does not match with total inebriation and helplessness. She could have taken control at any time.

2. She never says no. She sits there, passively, while the man does whatever he wants. Sure, he’s a slime ball and maybe a rapist in a former life, but he never received any sign that he should stop.

3. Resistance is normal. Any guy knows that girls put up some resistance before sex. It’s up to him to tear that resistance while not going against her wishes. But in this case, she offers none.

4. She put herself in a situation she is not mature enough to handle. She writes, “…because it’s not easy for you to stick up for yourself or to be confrontational.” If you are a girl who can not stand up for yourself, then you should not be going on dates with strange men and drinking, because you will definitely encounter situations where you need to let him know who’s in control.

It’s unfortunate that this woman had sex with a man she did not want to have sex with, but this would have been avoided if she communicated properly. From the guy’s point of view, it was probably just another typical date. The last thing you want to do as a woman is to count on men to do the gentlemanly thing and stop when you are giving no red lights to stop.

Kathryn says,

I really did not want to answer this one, but here it goes.

Many of the commenters on the original post pointed out the irresponsibility of the author, who combined various experiences (some not her own) to create the vignette. It’s all very hazy and told in the second person to pull the reader into the gray area she has created. There are some details missing. Was the guy as drunk as she was? She implicitly blames him by mentioning she “passed out” for a moment…was he similarly intoxicated and therefore, by the same logic, not fully responsible for his actions either? At some points she mentions he’s “twice [her] size,” giving the impression of physical powerlessness; at others, she mentions giving “a little into the act,” giving the impression she responded somewhat positively to his actions. Lots of gray here. Everyone who reads that story will fall somewhere along the gray spectrum, in subtly varying degrees toward the black or the white.

Sure, in an ideal, black & white-only world, a man would assume a woman’s answer is “no” unless he explicitly hears otherwise. But the truth is, that rarely happens. There is still a weird unspoken battle in most casual sexual encounters, with the man somewhat following his biological/societal need to go for the notch and the woman somewhat following societal pressure to protect her virtue. What happens on the way to “victory” is usually very subjective and open to interpretation. As the story shows, not even the people participating can always decide what, exactly, went down, and just how gray it was.

That was her whole point, right? There is no good answer.

If you liked this post then I think you will like my Roosh's Game Tips Email Newsletter For Guys. It's completely free and your first newsletter will be about how to meet girls in coffee shops. Following that will be newsletters on getting phone numbers, dealing with flakes, teasing girls the right way, handling cockblockers, meeting girls in foreign countries, and a whole lot more. Your email address will always remain private and you can unsubscribe at any time. To sign up put your first name and email address below and click the button.

January 27, 2006

Notch potential?

Clawson says,

I went to frontpage last weekend with some friends and sort of became a rolling blackout. I remember bits and pieces but not details or faces, more like snippets of conversation.

I met a couple girls and we talked and had some drinks and my friend and I started to go back to their place but they live in a place with lots of security and I have to sign in to get in and it’s a hassle (I know because I used to live there - the UCDC center). So instead I get a cab and drag my buddy away and leave. The next afternoon I get a text that says “who are you.” I don’t know who “jenn” is so I text back “hi, who are you?” Nothing happens.

But last night was looking in my phone book and saw “jenn” for some reason I assumed it was a girl that I had met at frontpage that night so I texted her “do you remember meeting me last weekend, I don’t think you do.”

She calls me back at 2 AM that night and I didn’t pick up. I was roused from a heavy slumber. She leaves a message, “call me back.”

I texted her back “sorry I’m too tired to talk I’m sleeping, talk to you tomorrow”

She called me back again and I didn’t pick up because I knew she was out and drunk at this hour and I was not in that mode. Her message said, “That’s okay, we’re cool” or something to that effect.

I text her and tell her I would be incoherent because i’m so tired.

she texts me, “you hate us.”

I text her, “lies.”

I passed out and woke up with a text that says, “bullshit.”

So I don’t know if you can make any sense of this. My current plan is to give
“jenn” a call this weekend and meet up sometime at some bar.

Basically, is this notch potential?

DCB says,

I like your game. Here is a girl who is trying to get in touch with you and you say you are tired. It says all the right things without having to actually say much at all.

Not only does this girl remember you, but she is very interested in banging you. But judging from her text message games, you are going to have to go about it in an indirect, spontaneous way, as opposed to the more normal ‘call, plan, and have drinks’ dating system. Your idea of meeting her out is good, but you need to start thinking of logistics. How are you going to isolate her? How are you going to deal with the inevitable cockblock? Do you have a way of getting her back to your place? At this point in the game, it becomes mostly about logistics and little about macking, for she has already made up her mind on having sex with you.

Personally, I think text message is something fun you do to a girl you already banged, not one you are trying to bang. It takes too long to make things work and gives her a very easy out when you try to take it to the next level.

Kathryn says,

I think there is hook-up potential as well. (I refuse, however, to assume the lady would give you the notch on the first try, as should you.) A lady interested in keeping “hand” and/or her dignity usually responds to you in kind: you text, she texts; you call, she calls. Instead, Jenn is calling after you text, meaning she is willing to put in more effort than you are. She’s also calling you late at night when she’s drunk, another sign you’re on her mind for something less formal than a dinner date. You can definitely call her for the meet-out this weekend, and I guarantee she’ll do everything she can to show up, probably drunk. DCB has already outlined what steps to take from there.

Side note to Jenn: Sweetie, please write us. Your game is awful. We can help.

January 26, 2006

Misunderstood

Frag writes:

I met this girl outside the empanada place next to 1223. She was leaving the country in one week, but I pursued it anyway. We had a very intense time together before she left. There were tears. We swore we would make it work and visit each other. But the emails are getting shorter and less frequent. This is the latest one..

The email:

I’m affraid u misunderstood me. I didn’t mean I don’t want u to call me, I said it would be great if u call me, didn’t u read it carefully?

I really want to be in touch with u. And I also hope we’ll see each other one day in the future, our friendship doesn’t have to be over. Yes, it’s true, I’m dating somebody but it doesn’t mean I forgot u. U will always be somewhere in my memory, I spent many great hours with u just in couple of my last hours in
usa though.

Not many changes in my life, I live normally, nothing exciting honestly. This sat I start my speech therapy postgraduate studies, finally I will have something to learn ;)

Well, if u want write me something, how u are doing

The translation:

This woman has absolutely no intention of waiting for you forever. She also enjoyed your hot & heavy & short-lived romance, but she has let real life awake her from the dream that you guys could ever make it work over the long distance.

She’s dating someone else, so she’s moved on emotionally and physically.

As far as her encouraging you to call ($$$ phone bills!) and write, she really just wants the attention and the reassurance that, somewhere out there, someone is pining away for her. She will never reciprocate your depth and intensity of emotion, though, despite what she might have said to you in the past. If you want to be her security blanket and ego booster, by all means, please continue to contact her. But if you want to move on and heal, please cease communications. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be over her. Every email and phone call resets that healing clock, you know. Don’t go backwards. I’m sorry.

January 20, 2006

Starbucks gets personal

Starbucks and Yahoo! Personals will announce the start of a new relationship today.

The coffee giant will give away $10 Starbucks gift cards to people who register for the Internet dating site through Feb. 19.

The site will have a location finder for the nearest Starbucks store.

Better idea: Yahoo Personals teams up with a decent restaurant chain for a heavily discounted meal for the internet couple’s first date. This would take a lot of the monetary risk of the first date for the guy, who may have to pay for someone who looks very little like her picture.

-Yahoo Personals Hooks Up With Starbucks

January 17, 2006

Player

Anonymous writes,

I’ve been asked a lot by girls if I’m a player…sometimes this happens early on, sometime when I’m about to seal the deal. What’s the best way to handle this?

DCB says,

Girls usually ask this for two reasons:

1. She is insecure that you are going to have sex with her and never call.
2. You are being a little cheesy and using “lines”.

Or a combination of the two. The only answer I advise against is one where you try to be funny, “Yeah I’m a player… of sports!!” Instead I would stick with “Why do you say that?” or “Nah I just like girls.” She just wants assurance that you are the real deal. This is a test you definitely want to pass if you want to bang it out later.

Kathryn says,

Are you a player? I’m guessing, if you regularly employ phrases like “seal the deal,” that you are.

If you and these women have mutual friends, they may have heard you are a player from other people (women talk you know) and are struggling to reconcile whatever feelings they’re having with stories they know about you, or conquests they’ve met or seen from afar. For some reason, most women think that they are going to be the one to rehabilitate a player, no matter what kinds of dire warnings they may have received from friends and acquaintances. Everyone seems to prefer learning lessons the hard way. That said, I think you can either:

1. Tell her everything you think she wants to hear, as DCB is pretty much suggesting, and hope for the best. I, of course, think this is horrific if the end-goal is to pump & dump, but hey, I’m female.

2. If you genuinely like the woman, ask her, in a sincere and mildly hurt manner, what’s “really” going on. Then shut up. She might talk about any rumors, insecurities, or jealousies she’s having… or she might be touched that you’d care enough to ask, and brush the question aside.

Good luck.

January 15, 2006

An Introduction

Boredom makes strange bedfellows.

About eight months ago, when I first read DC Bachelor, I felt confident the author must be a total douchebag. Who was this young jerk spouting off about chicks with no ass, guys with poor game, and banging sluts? I felt certain I couldn’t possibly have anything in common with him, but still read his blog every day. Turns out, he was reading mine, too, wondering who that spinster could be, and thinking she was probably unattractive and pathetic.

Then we met in person. I was surprised to learn he was only a part-time douchebag, and he was surprised to discover I wasn’t a 400-pound modern-day Emily Dickinson.

As it turned out, we both delighted in observing people, trying to figure out their personalities based on external clues, and watching others try to engage in conversations and relationships with members of the opposite sex… just with very different end goals. His: getting the notch. Mine: everlasting love. Nonetheless, there was some overlap. In fact, our shared interest resulted in one of our favorite pastimes, a little game we invented called “Name That Bang.” We’re getting pretty damn good at it. But I digress.

As our friendship progressed, and we felt close enough to share intimate blogging details, we discovered we both got a lot of dating-related search hits and reader questions. How many days to wait after a date to call? What did he mean when he said it was over? How can I meet easy women? Why do guys send flowers after a date? How do you break up with someone? But seriously, when do I call?

And thus was born First Date DC, a DCB/Kathryn joint. So lay it on us, readers. Send us your insecure, your overconfident, your deepest, darkest, secretest questions. Send us emails you want translated into “what s/he really means.” Come to us to laugh at others’ misfortune, or learn from our advice and dating-related news. Or a little from column A, and a little from column B.

Welcome.


© 2006.
About | Legal