I know I should let it go and never talk to her again, but part of me wants to figure out what happened. So, I was dating this girl for little awhile we started as friends and one thing led to another. I haven’t spoken to her in almost two weeks and the ball is defiantly in her court. I was at a party of hers at a bar with a bunch her friends (none of mine). She was kind of distant, but had told me her best friend was in town (staying with her) for the party and that she was a lot to handle (i.e. can’t go home with me that night).
The night before she called me at 1 am asking me to come over, where she apologized ahead a time for not being able to hang out with me that much at the party. The party was fun, but not really my scene so I left a little before last call to meet up with some friends. I went to say good night and she was all upset saying that I had told some friend of hers that she was my girlfriend, which I hadn’t done. The funny thing was if she had been drunk I would have thought nothing of it, but she was being serious. I told her the only thing I had said to her friend was hi my name is… So, I said let’s talk about this later and kissed her goodnight. I called her two days later and left a voicemail saying something like “hope you had fun at your party let’s get together this week.” Never heard back from her.
Do I just say fuck it and secretly hope she calls or do I call or email her?
DCB says,
You were set up. Before you even walked into that party, plans were in motion by her and her friend to make sure this is the last time she has to see you. There was nothing at the party you did wrong, other than show up and allow her plan to be executed.
Warning Sign #1. She told you she had a lot to handle. Girls are rarely able to explain their behavior, so when they do explain it you know it’s usually made up. If she really had a lot to handle then it would show up as something else, like a flustered host who freaks out when someone drops cranberry juice on the white sheepskin rug from Ikea.
Warning Sign #2. She apologized ahead of time. That should have been huge to you, that she knew, one day in advance, that she was going to completely bitch you in front of everyone. Again, girls barely know what they are doing one hour in advance, to know one DAY in advance that she wasn’t going to give you any attention should have been a clear warning.
Warning Sign #3. Her friend lied. She got the help of a co-conspirator to make you feel like the beta male that you are. They probably laughed about how well it worked afterwards.
While I do feel sorry for you, I am impressed with how flawlessly you got dumped. Please, for your dignity, do not ever call her again.
Kathryn says,
She’s just not that into you but feels bad about it. Something is missing for her, though god knows if it’s romantic, physical, financial, intellectual… something isn’t there. I highly doubt that she orchestrated the events of the night and drew her friend into her allegiance (DCB is more paranoid than I am), but I also say drop her. The guys who perpetually try to see and/or hook up with my friends after they’ve made it clear they don’t like them (as I think she has done) are the ones we pity and even, if warranted, ridicule. I hate to be that girl who says this, but don’t be that guy. Seriously.
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Whether Kathryn or DCB is correct about the means, they are both right about the ends. The way this girl treated you was mostly strange and either diliberately or indiliberately disrespectful.
The bottom line is that even if this girl is still interested in you (I don’t think she is) you need to think with your big head instead of your little one and not be interested in her. Girls who play games like this are never ever worth your effort. On top of that- even if this girl wasn’t playing games and she is just a headcase who acts bizarrely and gives you a tremendous headache– well, my question is how can you find this attractive and want to continue to builda more serious relationship with her.
Leave now. You got the notch, had some kicks. Now move on and find someone else.
Comment by Another Anon on 02/17/06.
Walk away clean, man. Walk away clean.
She’s either seen too many wacky sitcoms and thinks that the way the world works by elaborate schemes or she’s bat shit crazy.
Comment by Ibid on 02/17/06.
You should just walk away. When I tell a guy that my life is “complicated” or “I’ve got a lot going on right now”, it is my way of saying I can’t deal with this right now, it’s not a priority or basically I’m not that into you.
Comment by holiday on 02/17/06.
I have to agree with DCB. She set you up for dumping. The thing with her friend and the fact she hasn’t called you back is a dead give away that she’s done with you. You should just move on. Don’t call her again. You don’t want to be with a girl who plays games like that anyway.
my question is… why do they do this? if a girl is done with a guy, why doesn’t she just say “listen guy, it’s not going to work out between us. sorry, but that’s how I feel and there’s nothing that can change it” instead of toying with the guy like above?
Comment by nabeel on 02/17/06.
This is interesting. She called you the night before the party and invited you over? For sex I presume? But then told you she wasn’t going to hang with you at the party? Sounds to me like she only saw you as a friend-plus-benefits or as a friend/occasional booty call. If that is the case, I think they won’t-have-time-to-hang-out deal meant she was telling you that she didn’t want you to show up at the party, because she wanted you to be a friend and secret booty call.
When you went to the party and maybe *implied* you were her boyfriend, she got upset because she does not see you that way, and now she doesn’t want to see you at all if you will make this into something serious. If you had kept things on the casual sex level, I think you might have gotten to keep banging her on occasion. Damn, good booty calls are hard tofind. But don’t feel bad, she wasn’t very direct and any of us could have misread that one too.
Comment by Chaco on 02/17/06.
Quit it.
If a woman acts like that, its obvious she’s not interested that much in you. Why would you want her then? Arm Candy? Why grovel and be less of a man?
Comment by Stephen on 02/17/06.
I think Ibid nailed it with “bat shit crazy.” Be thankful you got out easily and unscathed.
I think she felt smothered at the party, did you go over the night before, you shouldn’t have and maybe the party would’ve played out differently. I think she felt you were too into her, she will call you soon, girls always come back! She is probably young, 22-26 range and looking for an asshole right now, she will learn.
