Ball’s in her court
Bewildered says,
I know I should let it go and never talk to her again, but part of me wants to figure out what happened. So, I was dating this girl for little awhile we started as friends and one thing led to another. I haven’t spoken to her in almost two weeks and the ball is defiantly in her court. I was at a party of hers at a bar with a bunch her friends (none of mine). She was kind of distant, but had told me her best friend was in town (staying with her) for the party and that she was a lot to handle (i.e. can’t go home with me that night).
The night before she called me at 1 am asking me to come over, where she apologized ahead a time for not being able to hang out with me that much at the party. The party was fun, but not really my scene so I left a little before last call to meet up with some friends. I went to say good night and she was all upset saying that I had told some friend of hers that she was my girlfriend, which I hadn’t done. The funny thing was if she had been drunk I would have thought nothing of it, but she was being serious. I told her the only thing I had said to her friend was hi my name is… So, I said let’s talk about this later and kissed her goodnight. I called her two days later and left a voicemail saying something like “hope you had fun at your party let’s get together this week.” Never heard back from her.
Do I just say fuck it and secretly hope she calls or do I call or email her?
DCB says,
You were set up. Before you even walked into that party, plans were in motion by her and her friend to make sure this is the last time she has to see you. There was nothing at the party you did wrong, other than show up and allow her plan to be executed.
Warning Sign #1. She told you she had a lot to handle. Girls are rarely able to explain their behavior, so when they do explain it you know it’s usually made up. If she really had a lot to handle then it would show up as something else, like a flustered host who freaks out when someone drops cranberry juice on the white sheepskin rug from Ikea.
Warning Sign #2. She apologized ahead of time. That should have been huge to you, that she knew, one day in advance, that she was going to completely bitch you in front of everyone. Again, girls barely know what they are doing one hour in advance, to know one DAY in advance that she wasn’t going to give you any attention should have been a clear warning.
Warning Sign #3. Her friend lied. She got the help of a co-conspirator to make you feel like the beta male that you are. They probably laughed about how well it worked afterwards.
While I do feel sorry for you, I am impressed with how flawlessly you got dumped. Please, for your dignity, do not ever call her again.
Kathryn says,
She’s just not that into you but feels bad about it. Something is missing for her, though god knows if it’s romantic, physical, financial, intellectual… something isn’t there. I highly doubt that she orchestrated the events of the night and drew her friend into her allegiance (DCB is more paranoid than I am), but I also say drop her. The guys who perpetually try to see and/or hook up with my friends after they’ve made it clear they don’t like them (as I think she has done) are the ones we pity and even, if warranted, ridicule. I hate to be that girl who says this, but don’t be that guy. Seriously.
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