Freshly single
A guy writes,
Just got out of a long term relationship. Durning the last few months of it, this casual friend has been giving me signals - long innapropriate eye contact, little games (”we should make out!” right before the zooms in for a fake kiss), etc etc.
So of course now that I’m freshly single I’m in to it & looking for a distraction. I rolled in to the bar she works in (on a night she doesn’t normally work). She’s there, we hang, good conversation ensues etc. Everything is working and it gets late so I try to escalate (”Another drink or do you need a ride home?”). She says she’s got afterhours plans and doesn’t invite me. So I’m making my exit and she’s talking about how, “… you have to stop by again when I work” so I jokingly throw out, “I’m never coming here again! I gave you your shot and you blew it!” Which seemed a little harsh the next morning.
So now I’m trying to decide - drop by the joint in question as suggested, or just bail on her for now?
DCB says,
Isolation, isolation, isolation. You have to get this girl alone in a place that serves alcohol. Which means you are going to have to take a risk and ask her out. My suggestion is to keep it vague but obvious: “What are you doing this week… I heard about this new lounge that is supposed to be good… I think we should check it out.” If she continues to refuse attempts by you to isolate (like at the bar), then she is just in some retarded fantasy. If you really want her, just bring a date to the bar she works out with and make sure you are having a GREAT time. She will be after you pretty quick.
(By the way I don’t think your joke was harsh at all. It may help her realize that your time is being wasted.)
Kathryn says,
There could be a few things going on with your friend. She either
a) thinks of you as a prospect for a real relationship, senses you are only “looking for a distraction,” and is avoiding situations where you’d think of her as only a hook-up OR
b) never really wanted to do anything more than flirt with you, and now that you’re single, is avoiding situations where more could happen. OR
c) really did have afterhours plans this ONE time that you couldn’t attend and you are really blowing things out of proportion - what a girl!
The only way to find out which of these is her situation is to ask her out. If you are only looking to hook up, do it DCB’s way. If you might want to date her, take her out to dinner. Please report back on the outcome.
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