I’ve been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have a ridiculous connection- we can spend hours and hours together without noticing. The problem is, he won’t have sex with me. He sleeps over several nights a week, we kiss, we cuddle- but when I try to take it further (I love sex) he stops me and says he’s not ready. We’ve both had sex with multiple people before. Is he gay, or is there a real possibility that he is trying to be respectful? At the ripe age of 24, couldn’t we just cut through the bullshit? Am I being slutty and unreasonable?
Kathryn says,
Are you guys exclusive? Have you had that talk? Maybe he doesn’t want to have sex without that conversation. Or maybe he has unusual anatomy or an STD and isn’t ready to talk about it with you. It could be a lot of things, but you’ll never know unless you ask him. I wouldn’t start with, “are you gay?” but with something more like, “I am really into [this/you] and feel really comfortable with you and I’d really love to do more.” Just let him know you’re ready when he is. Specifically. He should let you know why he isn’t ready and/or when he will be ready. Hope all goes well, and that the van’s a-rockin’ in no time.
DCB says,
Two months and you think you are being slutty and unreasonable? Where did you find this guy… the Mormon temple? Here I have a bunch of guys asking me how to quickly get in a girls pants, and you found the only guy not ready for sex. The only reason a guy would want to hold off like this is because he is very small or a virgin. Either way that can’t be good for you. I hope he’s at least good at eating you out.
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First thought: He’s uber-religious and waiting for marriage. But he probably would have let you know about that by now.
Second thought: Virgin or else it’s been so long that he may as well be a virgin. He’s scared. But if you’re being as agressive as you say you should be able to get him past that.
Third thought: He’s had some bad experiences in the past and is really, really scared.
Fourth thought: He has some erectile issues and is waiting that 4-6 weeks for his shipment from that deposed Nigerian dicator who he ordered that natural Viagra from.
Fifth thought: Talk to him, not to us.
Comment by Ibid on 02/23/06.
This girl is nowhere near as “slutty and unreasonable” as these words bring to imagination. It’s been two months… if it was me, I’d expect sex by the third date, give or take.
Comment by nabeel on 02/23/06.
There is seriously something wrong with a 24 year old man who “is not ready” for sex after two months. He is hiding SOMETHING. Yes, could be a small one, like DCB says, or an STD, like Kathryn says. Other possiblities include another girlfriend, impotentnce (though if you “snuggle” enough, you should have a clue as to that one), premature ejactulation issues, or an extremely negative psychosis about sex. I don’t know what it is, but there is something going on. Kathryn is right, you need to talk about this with him. It’s not normal.
ps I hope you write in and tell us what the his reason is, I am morbidly facinated by this freak of nature you are dating.
Comment by Chaco on 02/23/06.
My, my, my, look how cynical everyone is. My initial reaction was “he doesn’t love you, yet anyway, and he doesn’t want to have sex with someone he isn’t in love with.” Excuse me while I pack up my old-fashioned notions of romance and return to 1955.
even if he wasn’t in love, a normal 24 year old would’ve gone for it as soon as she initiated… maybe probably initatied it himself. I would’ve.
Comment by nabeel on 02/23/06.
RCR - that’s kind of called into question by the whole “he’s had sex with multiple partners before” thing.
Comment by Matt on 02/23/06.
Still, it’s entirely conceivable that he’s had sex with, say, three different people, and was in love with those people (or at least thought he was) before they had sex. That would be “multiple people.” Or are you suggesting that by multiple people, she meant multiple people at the same time? Cause then yeah that would be different.
I think at the end of the day, the guy wants to bang you, but in the ass, and is trying to figure out a way to conveniently tell you- like over breakfast, “Honey, can you pass the salt, and do you mind if I pound you in the dirt hole?” It is a possibility, albeit not a likely one
Comment by puzzled poster on 02/24/06.
perhaps you are a fat pig and he is trying to keep warm by sharing your ample body fat. i’m sure he’s poking the hot chick down the hall or perhaps your roommate. perhaps you don’t notice the time because you are too busy filling your piehole with cookies and “diet” coke. if not, then i agree with puzzled poster, he just wants to stick you in the balloon knot.
