I’m a 26 year old single male in the District. Whenever I go out in the city, I despair at the lack of attractive, dateable women. I see attractive women during the day, at work, etc. But whenever I head out at night, they are no where to be found. The few that are either turn out to be married/involved or uninteresting. My standards aren’t even *that* high.
Bars/clubs obviously aren’t the greatest place to meet someone worth dating. The Internet thing is even more unappealing. I’m just looking for a suitably attractive, suitably interesting, normal woman. Where are they hiding?
DCB says,
I swear it could have been me writing this question and not a thing would be different. There is a serious problem with quality women in this town, and I deal with it in two ways:
1. Plow ahead. You can’t stay home and feel sorry for yourself. You have to go out just as much (if not more) and meet women even if you think they may not be girlfriend material. This takes money and energy, but I think it’s worth it because it keeps you sharp when the one you do like comes across your path. Plus by now you already know that much of dating is a numbers game. It’s a simple fact that the more women you talk to, the more you will get.
2. Travel. I’ve picked up my traveling activities the past year and have noticed that American girls are unique in their coldness and heavy weight. Travel keeps you grounded, gives you experiences, stories, and perspective, and also may motivate you to get up and move to a more visually appealing environment. If you don’t have anything to compare the women here to, how do you know that what you want really exists?
A lot of quality guys are going through this problem, so rest assured that you are not alone. But the odds are in our favor… just be patient for your time will come.
Kathryn says,
Damn. Since DCB gave a relatively sensitive answer, does that mean I get to be a bitch on this one?
Here’s my question: why can’t you ask out these women you see during the day (other than ones at work, assuming that’s taboo)? Can’t you approach someone at Starbuck’s as easily as you might at a bar? Do you need a dark room and/or booze to have the confidence to speak to a woman? Do you always have sex in the bedroom at night with the lights off?
I have a lot of quality, interesting, attractive, intelligent female friends of all ages (23 - 40). They lament the lack of quality, interesting, attractive, intelligent men in DC. These women can be found, depending on day, hour, and mood, at the gym, the grocery store, the dive bars, the charity circuit events, the newest, hippest lounges, the local Starbuck’s, the metro, the bookstore, ANYWHERE. So how do you find them? Like DCB said: just get out. Plow ahead. Travel. Don’t give up. Be patient.
Good luck.
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Go out social dancing. Swing isn’t the in thing anymore, but there’s still plenty of normal, attractive girls there. Salsa’s the flavor of the year, and there’s plenty there too, plus, normally, at a social dance the odds are in the guy’s favor.
That’s how I got through college going to a nearly all male school.
Comment by Stephen on 02/15/06.
I also find more quality interesting people at house parties. Also you have the reassurance that they know someone you know.
Comment by holiday on 02/15/06.
I have several theories about this one… one of which, that I hate to admit, is that I think a lot of the hot girls you see during the day actually live in the burbs. That’s why you see less of them at night. Girls love Arlington.
The other theory is that when they go out, they often go out in huge dancing groups to clubs or places that your normal, average guy would rather not go. And even if you don’t mind going to these clubs, the hundreds of other douche bags in the club are going to scare the girls. It’s like going hunting only to find a marching band practicing in the woods.
But the advice is the same either way - you have to approach every situation as a way of meeting people.
I second DCB and K here. If you are able to strike up a decent conversation with a chic, but there is not booze/club music involved, you have just as much right to ask her for a drink or even coffee (unless you meet her at a Starbucks because then you were having coffee already so that would be weird cause she’d be all we already are and you’d be all how about coffee again–no good–).
Also, I think DCB and K should put out a call for entries for the best places to meet someone worth dating (other than a bar/club). I have a couple ideas Dupont farmers market, dog parks, film festivals (screen on green), etc. Just a suggestion.
I have approached girls on occasion during the day, but let’s face it, girls always look busy running to whatever they are running, and it’s not a social environment, so it can feel weird to walk up to a girl during the day. Unless she is sitting there looking bored in a coffee shop, or lounging on a park bench, it requires some extra machismo to do it.
Kathryn, have you ever had a guy approach you on during normal daily activities? And if so, how did you respond?
Comment by Chaco on 02/15/06.
Yes, I have had men approach me during the day. I always ignore the ones who are catcalling, openly ogling in an extremely lewd way, or going “psst” to see if I turn around. So let’s assume the approach is something more sincere and polite. As for my response, it all came down to whether or not I found the guy attractive, and whether or not I was single at the time. If both conditions were true, I stopped what I was doing and gave him a chance. I have been chatted up at the gym, at Starbucks, and in my apartment building that way. I was friendly and open to the guy, and even let one or two call me.
I once had a guy approach me at the MVA and ask me what his chances were of getting my digits. Chances=not good. If you can be classier than that, you’re chances should be pretty good. I’d be more likely to go out with a guy I met during the day rather than at a club somewhere.
Ok. Laughing at this from DCB: “American girls are unique in their coldness and heavy weight.” Hmm. In my European travels, I notice this to be true too. Well, except in France. They are mean over there.
Now. The answer to this whole “where to meet people” saga can’t be zipped up with one or two locations. For every place that we think “sucks” as a venue to meet people, someone has a success story to prove otherwise. I say it all the time: Dating is a NUMBERS GAME. You have to get out there, like DCB said, keep plowing ahead, and not stop. If you are online, make it a rule to go out with at least 10 girls in a year. I guarantee one will be a decent girl. The rest may suck, they may be god awful, but you have that one who might be worth it. If you go to an activity like a dance class, you can’t go just once.
You say that “Bars/clubs aren’t the greatest place to meet someone worth dating.” But, YOU go to bars and clubs, don’t you? You can’t be so judgmental about where you meet the people. In every bar tonight that has customers, I guarantee there is at least three women in there “worth” dating. It’s all about the attitude man. And if you have that attitude when you’re out, then of course you aren’t going to meet anyone “worth” dating, because she deemed you “not worth” dating.
You have to keep going. You have to try all avenues, and several times. Don’t let one bad experience turn you off forever.
If you think DC is bad you haven’t been out much. I’ve been moving around, here a few years there a few years, and DC is the best dating scene I’ve found.
Kansas City was the worst. In two years I met a total of 3 single women. That’s at work, around town, via friends, social groups, etc. Three. Single. Women. The evening news even did reports on the subject.
I’ve never been out on as many dates as I have been in DC and most of the people I hear from on this site would probably step in front of a bus if they dated as little as I do.
We may have different standards. While I compare DC to KC you may compare it to your college days when single women were everywhere.
Having kids makes you appreciate your job more and living in KC makes you appreciate DC more.
Of course, this only applies to guys. Ladies, your odds will be much better in Alaska. The male to female rate is about the same as the female to male rate in DC. The problem is you’d be living in Alaska.
Comment by Ibid on 02/16/06.
As a single District-residing woman I’m curious to know what makes this guy think he’s such a great prize.
[…] y away from the internet. No good will come out of it. Kathryn says, Please to also read this post from a while back. I said and stand by this statement: “I have a lo […]
