First Date DC

“but seriously, when should i call?”
Top 10 Hall of Fame

March 31, 2006

Beta male

Rich Arnold says,

I had a nice date last night w/ a fine lady. We had a really nice kiss goodnight afterwards.

Should I expect her to email/text/call me today to thank me?

Obviously she wouldn’t if she didn’t. But she expressed mutual feelings (through words too) throughout the evening.

Kathryn says,

I’m a polite, Southern-raised lady. Even if I had a horrible time and never want to see a guy again, I always say thank you via email or text (not a call) the next day. But then I go away fast. On the other end of the spectrum, I have girlfriends who are so adamant about the guy contacting them at the beginning that, no matter how much they like him, they won’t call to say thank you - they wait to hear from him. Then in the middle, we have girls my guy friends have dated, whom I’ve counselled to wait to call her for a day or so, only to have the girls call them first. In other words, who the hell knows? Depends on the girl, her feelings for you, her “rules”…

Here’s a thought: why don’t you be a man and email/text/call her to say thank you? Or to set up another date?

DCB says,

You beta males make me sick. You make it sound like the date was more of a job interview than a hot night of seduction.

Don’t expect a girl to do anything except give you pleasure that only a woman can provide… sexual pleasure. Nothing else matters. You should be devising a plan to get into her pants, not sitting at home wondering when her thank you letter is going to come in.

March 30, 2006

DCB ruins women

Cute and broke writes,

I just got out of a long arduous relationship which was really difficult to get over (still am, sorta). Not feeling so good about the male species, or getting back into a relationship right now, but hey, I?m single, I?m cute, guys are calling me and I want to see what all this dating fuss is about…something which I know very little about and what I do know comes from DCB. scary, right? But darnit, my ex owes me over $3grand, so at the very least, I think I deserve a free night out, right?

So this is my question. There?s one guy I?m not really that interested in, (I think he?s a republican, yuck) but ok he?s cute, friendly and really wants to hang out. I definitely don?t want to hook up or anything. I just want to go out, see what he?s about, enjoy some food, conversation etc?give him a chance, I guess. Maybe have some funny stories to tell the next day, offer a good restaurant review. Is there something wrong with that? So do we go dutch because I don’t want to put out? I always offer, anyway, not that I want to now though, because I?m broke. Or do I cancel and not even go out with him at all? What if I turn up the charm, and he wants a second date? If I?m still not that interested, how do I proceed? I don?t want to waste anyone?s time or lead anybody on here?so go ahead, be blunt, and dcb, feel
free to offend. I don?t mind.

DCB says,

The goal of the woman is to get the most goods and services from a guy without having to spread her legs in return. You don’t seem to be into him or else you wouldn’t be worried about what you have to bring into the relationship. Rocking his world sexually should be payment enough, but since you still carry baggage from your ex, I recommend that you stop dating this guy immediately and send me a picture. Only then will I be able to give you the proper advice. But seriously, if you are not interested in a guy and won’t put out, DON’T LET ME HIM SPEND MONEY ON YOU. That’s a pretty low thing to do.

Kathryn says,

Real helpful there, DCB.

If you already know you’re really not interested in the Republican guy, I do think it’s inappropriate to give him false hope, which one date could do. That said, if so many guys are calling, why not let one you could (or do!) like be the one treating you to nights out? Why do you have to take advantage of this one?

And finally, if you are thinking your ex’s $3,000 debt to you should be paid off by future suitors’ generosity, I am truly sorry for them.

March 29, 2006

Don’t make love to me

301was310 writes,

The words, “make love” turn me off - is there something wrong with me?

I’ll preface this by saying I am a 29-year-old female, nice body and face. I had a normal childhood - no molestation or anything to screw me up sexually. I must admit, I have never actually been in love. My relationships always end up being one-sided - either I am really into them and they are not that into me or vice versa. But, overall I have no problem getting dates, and have had several long term (1-2 year) relationships (always ended by me because I realized the guys were losers).

My issue is this: if a guy acts romantic or says anything resembling, “make love,” I am completely turned off. I really just want to “fuck”; don’t get me wrong, this has no reflection on wanting to date the person or even get serious with them. In fact, I usually do want to date them if I am attracted to them sexually. It’s just that when it comes to sex, I like it dirty. Overtly romantic gestures or a guy saying something like, “I want to make love to you” actually makes me feel physically ill and I am no longer attracted to the person. Does that mean i am really f-ed up? Am I doomed to be single forever?

On a side note, I lived in MD/DC for 4 years and just moved to LA. I randomly came across this blog and love it! DCB, why do i always meet the guys who want to give me oral? I don’t like it - it just doesn’t do anything for me because I get off on penetration. But it seems like most of the guys I’ve gotten physical with want to do that, and they try to convince me that I “just haven’t had the right guy” do it. Ugh! This is so annoying. Where are all the guys who say they “don’t do that”? I sure as hell haven’t met them.

P.S. if you do actually post this, will you guys e-mail me to let me know?

Kathryn says,

I feel like I’m intruding. Is this a love letter to DCB?

I actually think you have intimacy and trust issues - you may only allow yourself to have strong feelings for people you know aren’t right for you, and won’t show it back. Your aversion to romance and making love implies you don’t, on some level, feel worthy of such kindness and tenderness. I think Dr. Drew would not believe your claim that nothing traumatic has happened in your life, and would probe further until you revealed some emotional scar that prevents you from trusting others in relationships. I wouldn’t go so far as to say you’re f–ked up and doomed to be single forever, but I would say that, if you’re grappling with heavy questions like this, you might find a therapist to be very helpful in sorting it all out. Good luck.

DCB says,

I love you. God this is what I’m talking about: a sexy girl who just likes to have sex.

The reason guys like to give you oral is because they think it’s the only way they can hook you. They are not confident that their man snake can give you enough pleasure to get a second try. Instead of wasting time how to pleasure a woman orally, a man should know how to use the snake to its fullest potential, unless of course you are the disgraceful owner of a micropenis. Drop me an email the next time you are in DC.

If you liked this post then I think you will like my Roosh's Game Tips Email Newsletter For Guys. It's completely free and your first newsletter will be about how to meet girls in coffee shops. Following that will be newsletters on getting phone numbers, dealing with flakes, teasing girls the right way, handling cockblockers, meeting girls in foreign countries, and a whole lot more. Your email address will always remain private and you can unsubscribe at any time. To sign up put your first name and email address below and click the button.

March 28, 2006

Long distance letdown

Guy writes,

ok, guy meets girl about 6 months ago. girl is involved, but guy can tell she is interested, they exhange the occasional email, until girl leaves town for a couple of years for a work project. girl contacts guy 2 months ago, they email almost daily and talk regularly, although girl is 200 miles away. guy and girl go out when she’s in town, have a seemingly good first date, and girl goes back home to visit friends and family for a week. girl then gets dodgy, guy forces girls hand, and girl says she ran into an ex while out of town and they’ve decided to get back together. question - do you think she really is getting back w/the ex (who is across the country) or is that just a blow off line?

DCB says,

Sorry bro, you’ve been elimidated. She thought you were a real man, but then you got all desperate on her and now she’s fucking that sleazy Middle Eastern guy she met at the club. I can tell you are a desperate guy because you were actively pursuing poon that was 200 miles away. Every heard of this place called Rumors?

Kathryn says,

Not knowing anything about her, my guess is it was just a blow-off line.

Sometimes, when an attached girl acts interested in a guy, she is responding more to his interest and attention than she is exhibiting an actual, natural attraction to him. This was likely the case with your girl when everything started. When she contacted you a couple of months ago, she may have been feeling lonely either because she just broke up with someone or because she’d gone a while without really meeting anyone she found desirable. She remembered you liked her, and she reached out. Email and phone contact ensued, and you guys finally had an in-person date. After which she got “dodgy.” I’m guessing nothing sexual really happened on your date, because she probably found/remembered she wasn’t physically attracted to you. Then, you say you had to “force her hand” - so you backed her into a corner, and she grasped for an excuse, one that wouldn’t hurt your feelings because I’m sure she likes you as a person, and she came up with the ex excuse. I’m imagining a lot as you don’t provide a whole lot of details, but I’m pretty sure this is what went down on her side. I’m sorry. Let her go.

March 27, 2006

Why, God, why

Anonymous says,

Is there really such a thing as a guy wanting to spend insane amounts of time with you but not being interested in you in a romantic way?

The scenario: I am good friends with this guy and we spend an insane amount of time together (more than I would spend with a boyfriend) we never get tired of each other but it has never been anything more than just friends.

We’ve talked about how similar we are, that we love how well we get along, etc. I know that I want it to be more than friends but he doesn’t seem to want to at all. (He has bluntly said: I have no idea what I want right now).

So…the question is: Why on earth would a guy spend seriously every day hanging out with me, going to dinner, museums, ice skating, etc. and really not be interested in anything more than friends? I thought men always have an agenda?!

Other facts that could be helpful: He’s straight. I’m in the same league (looks-wise) as girls he’s hooked up with/dated.

DCB says,

You are not as hot as you think. He isn’t sexually attracted to you, or else he would have no problem trying to jump your bones. He’s just using you for companionship until he finds a hotter girl.

Kathryn says,

There could be two things going on with this guy.

1. Though you may be in the same league looks-wise as other girls he’s liked and/or been attracted to, you may not be his “type.” Though you may be an 8 and they’re all 8s as well, you just aren’t someone he wants. Sometimes, when you get to be really good friends with someone of the opposite sex, they become less attractive to you over time. You would still describe them to someone else as good-looking, but you lose that sexual interest in them for yourself.

2. He considers you a “someday girl,” someone he figures he’ll eventually be man enough to treat well, but for now puts on a pedestal and likes to play “good guy” around her.

But it’s probably 1.

March 23, 2006

It’s called a break-up because…

Michelle says,

Hi there- My ex and I broke up about a month ago and we still talk about once a week or so. We have had sex once since the breakup. I usually call and initiate however, but he always answers and is very sweet and nice on the phone. He even suggests that we spend time together. We broke up on mutual terms and it was a good ending, well as good as can be. He doesn’t initiate any calling, email, im, text etc. He is responsive to mine though. Is he trying to be polite or is he interested in more? I love this site by the way!

DCB says,

He is keeping you on the side in case he goes through a sex drought. Since you are still on his jock he knows that he can get you into bed anytime.

A person’s real interest is directly correlated by how much work they are willing to put in. He is putting in zero. What makes you think things are going to be better a second time around? Move on.

Kathryn says,

Thanks for the compliment. I hope we can help.

I think your ex is trying to be polite. If things ended on good terms and you guys didn’t have too much hate or histrionics and there was no cheating or other heinousness involved in the breakup, then he has no reason not to be nice to you when you contact him. I do think he’s being polite, trying not to hurt your feelings, and keeping the door open for the occasional hook-up. Whenever I have the urge to contact someone I’m not sure I should, or that I’m not sure is as interested in me as I am in them, I ask myself: Did I call last? Did I email last? Did I text last? Did I IM last? If the answer to any or all of the above is yes, I don’t contact the person again. There’s a huge difference between reacting positively to someone else’s interest and being seriously interested in spending time with someone. I think you already know where your ex stands. Stop contacting him, and remove all doubt.

March 22, 2006

Wham, bam, no thank you, ma’am

Anonymous says,

ok…so…I met up with a guy last week who contacted me via my college alumni network. We had met previously once for coffee, he said he would email the following week once he got back from a weekend away, he did, and asked me to meet up. At this meeting, I figured out that this was a date, and by the end of the evening, he had essentially invited himself to my place, or at least to metro home with me. We had a great, really passionate evening but no sex. The next day, he leaves, and of course I haven’t heard from him. I should mention that he is leaving the country for a significant period of time at the end of the month, he is in really early 20s and I’m in late 20s. I didn’t expect to be his girlfriend now, I just wanted the opportunity to get to know him more and that’s all. I didn’t have the impression that this guy is a jerk but I don’t know what else to think at this point!

Kathryn says,

If this is tearing you up inside, why not call or email him and ask him to meet you for a drink? If you don’t want to be his girlfriend, and you know he’s leaving soon, then I see no risk in reaching out to him before he goes. Otherwise, you’ll never know for sure if he’s a total jerk. I’m guessing maybe he isn’t, and that the night of sexless passion you shared was just a nice surprise for him, but he’s a realist. The month is almost over, after all.

DCB says,

What is the fucking point? If he is leaving at the end of the month, do you really think he is looking for a relationship? Do you think that evening was as “passionate” for him as it was for you? If it was, don’t you think he would call back? The easiest way to hook a guy is with amazing, dirty sex, yet you chose to give him a handjob instead. Don’t be surprised if he moved on to another girl who can rock him for his last days in this country. Time was of the essence.

March 21, 2006

The 9 or the 7

Old 97 says,

This has happened to me numerous times before, and is about to happen again. Plese help me out. I know this girl, who’s probably about a 7 (within notch range but not dating range for my standards), who I met a few times (not dates–we have mutual friends of friends), and likes me a lot. It’s very flattering, and she would be a very easy score. The only problem is, I recently met her friend (not best friend, but pretty close) who is a 9, and very cool. I think I would have a pretty good chance with her, but she may be reluctant to show attraction to me (although she has flirted with me a little bit), as the 7 really likes me, and she wouldn’t want to jeopardize their friendship.

I will add that I have never met the 9 outside of the presence of the 7, as they hang out in the same circle. I do have contact information for each. So, should I go for the 9, the 7, or is there some magical way to pull off both? What do you think?

DCB says,

This is easy. Read carefully and you will get both notches within three months. First thing is you have to bang the 7, and don’t be all half-assed about it. Make sure you take her out and have a good time. Give her the best sex within your ability so that she tells the 9 what a stud you are. Then after a couple dates, have a “talk” with the 7. Tell her, “7, I think we have a really good time together, but I can’t help that I really like 9. I’m sorry.” This will really fuck up their friendship because now the 7 will always hate the 9, who will probably never find out the real story. The 7 will be paranoid that the 9 is stealing her men: “She knows I’m not as pretty as her, why can’t she get her own man!”

Then after you let things simmer for down for a month or two, contact the 9, saying you hope she is still friends with the 7. You want her to say something like, “Oh it could be better.” DO NOT EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER. Then casually ask her for a drink and take care of business.

Kathryn says,

You are wise to indicate the level of their friendship, because your potential success hinges on exactly how close 9 and 7 are. If they are confidantes/BFFs, you’ll never get 9 instead of 7, because she’ll think you’re a pig who doesn’t recognize 7’s great qualities, and she would never lose her friendship with 7 for some guy. If they are more social/going out friends, then your chances are much greater. Sounds like they are a bit in between, but closer to the BFF side. So.

I say you go for 9 first. If you’ve never asked out 7 or had a drunk hook-up with her or gotten her number or anything like that, the girls should be mature enough to know you didn’t lead 7 on and that’s just the way things pan out sometimes. If 9 likes you, she’ll go out with you. But if, after a reasonable amount of effort, things don’t pan out with 9, I’d go for a drunk hook-up with 7. It might take a little more effort to get her than it would if you’d never tried for 9, but I’d wager it could still happen if you get nowhere with 9.

As for pulling off both…never going to happen. Not unless you try for them several months apart (the 9 before the 7) and make sure the second one never knows how far things went with the first. Nice try, though.

March 20, 2006

Gay or nay?

Anonymous writes,

When is a guy pushing the metrosexual vs. homosexual boundary? And not just in the bedroom, seeing as most guys are sexually inclined to get off regardless (even Will Young just admitted to the Brit Tabloids that he might sleep with a girl). What are the tell tail, nonverbal signs, that a guy is leaning towards another guy?

Kathryn says,

I think that is a really, REALLY tough thing to gauge in the Age of the Metrosexual. I know plenty of straight guys who are into hair products, what their ladies wear, the latest styles for men, hanging out with their moms, Sex & the City, whatever. You can’t name a “gay” thing a straight man somewhere isn’t into. Just doesn’t happen anymore.

So my best bet for you, the one thing outside the bedroom and grooming habits, is to watch whom he’s watching when you’re out in public. Are more ladies or men catching his eye? Does he give the hunky bartender the once-over, or is he slyly ogling every large-breasted woman who passes through his peripheral vision? Most people are not consciously aware of where their gaze lands, thus offering a great natural observation opportunity for you. Pay close attention.

PS - who the hell is Will Young?

DCB says,

I think a lot of metro’s are being labeled as homo even though they are just insecure in their appearance. I feel sorry for metro’s because they think women actually care about their clothing and hairstyle. My style is whack (I wear clothes from three seasons ago) and I have a mop on my head, yet I don’t have trouble with the ladies.

To answer your question, does he…

-watch gay porn?
-comment on the size of men in hetero porn?
-get along a little TOO well with gay guys?
-enjoy being hit on by gay men?
-have better eyebrows than you?
-have sex with other men?

I think you should question your taste in men if you are falling for guys whose sexuality is uncertain.

March 17, 2006

Leaving in a month

HS writes,

I met a girl on the red line late on Saturday night. I sat right next to her and started a conversation. I tried to get her phone number when she got to her stop but she would only tell me her email address. This is her second email to me, after I tried to set up a coffee date. I still do not have her phone number.

Original email:

Can’t promise you that I will see you tomorrow (sat), but I can tell you that I am still a pseudo-cute girl. The problem is that I am only going to be in the MD area for another month longer.. then I’m off to Oxford. Just so you know, I am writing you this email completely wasted, and it is taking ALOT of effort. I am paranoid. and my parents did tell me to beware of boys you meet on the metro, so you can’t blame me. Especially when i plan on leaving the country in less than a month. Plus, I am probably not your type anyway.

Sorry, I am drunk :)

I think we should hang out though in the last month that I am here.

Translation by Kathryn:

She is unsure whether she is attracted to you. Otherwise, she would have given you her phone number, or at least gone for the coffee date - an easy, neutral, safe way to meet a near-stranger for the first time. She also would be able to email you sober, and likely would not imply she was merely “pseudo-cute” and not your type. She is throwing out a lot of discouraging signals, which, when paired with the sad fact she’s leaving the country in a month, lead me to believe you should, indeed, feel discouraged. Don’t feed her ego - walk away.

Next Page »

© 2006.
About | Legal