Hi there- My ex and I broke up about a month ago and we still talk about once a week or so. We have had sex once since the breakup. I usually call and initiate however, but he always answers and is very sweet and nice on the phone. He even suggests that we spend time together. We broke up on mutual terms and it was a good ending, well as good as can be. He doesn’t initiate any calling, email, im, text etc. He is responsive to mine though. Is he trying to be polite or is he interested in more? I love this site by the way!
DCB says,
He is keeping you on the side in case he goes through a sex drought. Since you are still on his jock he knows that he can get you into bed anytime.
A person’s real interest is directly correlated by how much work they are willing to put in. He is putting in zero. What makes you think things are going to be better a second time around? Move on.
Kathryn says,
Thanks for the compliment. I hope we can help.
I think your ex is trying to be polite. If things ended on good terms and you guys didn’t have too much hate or histrionics and there was no cheating or other heinousness involved in the breakup, then he has no reason not to be nice to you when you contact him. I do think he’s being polite, trying not to hurt your feelings, and keeping the door open for the occasional hook-up. Whenever I have the urge to contact someone I’m not sure I should, or that I’m not sure is as interested in me as I am in them, I ask myself: Did I call last? Did I email last? Did I text last? Did I IM last? If the answer to any or all of the above is yes, I don’t contact the person again. There’s a huge difference between reacting positively to someone else’s interest and being seriously interested in spending time with someone. I think you already know where your ex stands. Stop contacting him, and remove all doubt.
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There was this girl that I dated back in college. We dated for a year or so and broke up. It was a friendly breakup. We still ran in the same social circles, were on the same committees, etc. But since neither of us were screwing anyone else we still had sex every so often. Eventually, we just got back together and made it official. Eventually we broke up again. And again, we had occasional sex. We both graduated, she started seeing someone at grad school, but he had what would be described not so much as a penis as a large clit. So we kept having occasional sex. She dumped him and started dating someone else. THEN we stopped having sex.
As long as neither of you are seeing someone else and you don’t have to worry about spreading or catching diseases go ahead and jump those bones. You might get back together, you might not. Just enjoy what you have until one of you finds someone else.
Comment by Ibid on 03/23/06.
In theory, that’s the perfect way to act. But in reality she’s still attached, and will ALWAYS remain attached, to this guy if she goes that route.
Girls want to think that we can handle just having casual sex with our exes, but it’s not usually that simple. Feeling and such pop up. And it sucks.
Keep the casual sex for people you don’t have feelings for.
Comment by P Font on 03/23/06.
> Keep the casual sex for people you don?t have feelings for.
I couldn’t do that. I don’t do casual sex with women I’m not pretty close to. Even the women that I trust enough to have sex with I make sure I control the birth control.
Comment by Ibid on 03/24/06.
I’ve gone through this before, a few times. It’s tough. He likes you as a person and cares about you, but he has not forgotten the reasons you broke up (and neither should you). Something wasn’t working, and things aren’t going to change in 1 month. The best thing to do is to give yourselves time and space and not contact each other (or have sex). If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back to each other.
