I met a girl on the red line late on Saturday night. I sat right next to her and started a conversation. I tried to get her phone number when she got to her stop but she would only tell me her email address. This is her second email to me, after I tried to set up a coffee date. I still do not have her phone number.
Original email:
Can’t promise you that I will see you tomorrow (sat), but I can tell you that I am still a pseudo-cute girl. The problem is that I am only going to be in the MD area for another month longer.. then I’m off to Oxford. Just so you know, I am writing you this email completely wasted, and it is taking ALOT of effort. I am paranoid. and my parents did tell me to beware of boys you meet on the metro, so you can’t blame me. Especially when i plan on leaving the country in less than a month. Plus, I am probably not your type anyway.
Sorry, I am drunk
I think we should hang out though in the last month that I am here.
Translation by Kathryn:
She is unsure whether she is attracted to you. Otherwise, she would have given you her phone number, or at least gone for the coffee date - an easy, neutral, safe way to meet a near-stranger for the first time. She also would be able to email you sober, and likely would not imply she was merely “pseudo-cute” and not your type. She is throwing out a lot of discouraging signals, which, when paired with the sad fact she’s leaving the country in a month, lead me to believe you should, indeed, feel discouraged. Don’t feed her ego - walk away.
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First of all, only guys with no game hit on girls on the metro (because they know the girl is trapped and has nowhere else to go for at least a few minutes). Second of all, if you are in the tiny percentage of men who can succesfully pull off a metro-hit-on, a girl who gives you her e-mail address and tells you she is moving soon wants nothing to do with you, no matter what else she says. Take my word for it; I once gave a creepy metro guy a fake name and fake e-mail address, and told him I was moving to Amsterdam in a month.
wow. did you seriously need that email explained to you?
the fact she emailed you back twice is simply she (and many women) are attention whores
Comment by G on 03/17/06.
and she is using you for her own validation, even though she has no interest in you.
Comment by G on 03/17/06.
Not neccessarily. There are quite a few weirdos out there. To me it sounds like she’s taking precautions to protect herself while keeping somewhat open to the idea of getting to know the guy. Many women in this city have had enough sketchy experiences with random strangers that we don’t give digits out right away. The fact that she’s moving does put a damper on things. If she’s paying any attention to the guy she’s probably testing the waters to see if he’d be an appropriate play-thing for the month that she is left in town. If she likes him, she’ll let part of her guard down. If not, let it go. Easy come, easy go.
Comment by Anonymous on 03/17/06.
Umm…
Anonymous is one of those hopeful people. Reality says other wise. Look, it doesn’t matter if she’s interested in your or not (she’s not)
1) She had low self-confidence in her appearance
2) She only emails when drunk
3) She’s the queen of negativity (at least in her choice of words)
This is a situation where you run, unless you’re desperate. Then you can desperately believe that you have a chance that you do not have.
Comment by anony on 03/17/06.
She is not inetersted. The METRO has nothing to do with anythinng. If you were hot, she wouldn’t care if you two met on the green line, outside the Anacostia Metro stop. She didn’t think you were that hot, she gets a kick out of the fact that you asked for her number, and she is not currently getting laid. That is the only reason she is e-mailing you back.
If she was getting the donkey punch from a another guy she was currently dating, she wouldn’t have even responded. But she is not getting any action currently.
Not interested.
Gotta give you props for taking the risk. Good job. Can’t win um all though.
Comment by Anonymous on 03/17/06.
I congragulate HS on his willingness to ask someone out on the Metro, but his time and effort will be much better spent on a more mature, available, and interested girl. Keep looking, HS.
Just so you guys don’t fuck this up anymore- here is the list: Have a nice weekend jackholes…Green Beer sucks!
1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.
4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly, the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)
7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you’ve got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.
11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
12. The Ram - Again, you’re attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.
14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl’s ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I’m never going to prison.
18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use of the tongue.
19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough.
When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).
22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.
23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman’s asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.
24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You’re down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
26. Fur Ball - You’re chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie’s Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl’s tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either on one finger or on multiple).
29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don’t let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It’s almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head.(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible, but it is definitely worth a try.
32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she’s on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well.
Comment by puzzled poster on 03/17/06.
The above dictionary of terms is just brilliant.
Comment by Orion on 03/17/06.
One omission: Rusty Trombone- Having som etramp eat your asshole out from behind while giving you a handjob…
Comment by puzzled poster on 03/17/06.
I’m pretty disturbed by the number of people who mention the donkey punch on DC blog comments as if it’s a normal sexual behavior. Well, maybe it’s the same person. Who knows.
Comment by jenk on 03/17/06.
34. Shop class: Cutting of the dick of a misogynist after he performs one of the above mentioned acts, with the possible exception of 33
Comment by not amused on 03/17/06.
I could have gone my entire life without knowing what all those were. Some men out there need some serious help in the form of a swift kick to the balls.
Comment by Heather on 03/18/06.
I could go both ways with this one. I could see her email as a polite “not interested.” But I can also see it as classic girl push-pull. That is, signaling interest and disinterest at the same time (otherwise known as playing games). If she were TRUELY not interested, she would not bother to email you back.
I personally like to keep trying until I am 100% sure that it’s a no-go. My current girlfriend gave me some mixed signals when we met and EVERY ONE of my friends told me she was not truely interested so she would not have given me xyz bad signal. I tried anyway and I am still dating her.
So, you have nothing to lose by trying one more time to set up coffee. Make it comfortable for her, like during the day in a safe public place. Playfully reverse the frame on her by telling her that you are worried *she* might be psycho but that you are willing to give it a shot because you like adventure. Go for it.
And don’t stop hitting on women in the Metro - for every uptight woman who thinks its creepy, there is another who will admire your confidence.
