ok…so…I met up with a guy last week who contacted me via my college alumni network. We had met previously once for coffee, he said he would email the following week once he got back from a weekend away, he did, and asked me to meet up. At this meeting, I figured out that this was a date, and by the end of the evening, he had essentially invited himself to my place, or at least to metro home with me. We had a great, really passionate evening but no sex. The next day, he leaves, and of course I haven’t heard from him. I should mention that he is leaving the country for a significant period of time at the end of the month, he is in really early 20s and I’m in late 20s. I didn’t expect to be his girlfriend now, I just wanted the opportunity to get to know him more and that’s all. I didn’t have the impression that this guy is a jerk but I don’t know what else to think at this point!
Kathryn says,
If this is tearing you up inside, why not call or email him and ask him to meet you for a drink? If you don’t want to be his girlfriend, and you know he’s leaving soon, then I see no risk in reaching out to him before he goes. Otherwise, you’ll never know for sure if he’s a total jerk. I’m guessing maybe he isn’t, and that the night of sexless passion you shared was just a nice surprise for him, but he’s a realist. The month is almost over, after all.
DCB says,
What is the fucking point? If he is leaving at the end of the month, do you really think he is looking for a relationship? Do you think that evening was as “passionate” for him as it was for you? If it was, don’t you think he would call back? The easiest way to hook a guy is with amazing, dirty sex, yet you chose to give him a handjob instead. Don’t be surprised if he moved on to another girl who can rock him for his last days in this country. Time was of the essence.
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i totally agree with DCB - i’m not sure if guys like to admit it - but i feel like if he really thought the evening was that passionate - and he was more physically attracted to you than any other woman ever - he would make the effort to see you again.
chances are it was mediocre for him and he knows the end of the month is upon us and there is just no point.
Sorry- DCB is right. Especially since this guy is leaving the country, you have a very short amount of time to make an impression with this guy if you want to form some kind of relationship.
Comment by Another Anon on 03/22/06.
What is a girl supposed to do? On this question you say she should have given him the notch and then obviously he would have wanted to date her until he left the country. On other questions y’all say if a girl gives it up to early, she’s a dirty whore and doesn’t deserve to get a call back for being such skank.
Comment by Anonymous on 03/22/06.
Anonymous-
It’s all a question of goals, you see. I do not recall any where on here DCB and co calling a woman a dirty whore for putting out after a date or so.
My honest opinion is that most men do not buy into the skank/virgin complex that most women have. If you like us and we like you and there is that connection after one or two dates, then sex should not be artificially withheld because of some mental hang-up. Usually, I would say that after three good dates if there is not any sex, then I am starting to ask some questions. Doesn’t always mean I am going to leave, but the questions are going to be asked is all.
In this case- the girl seems very confused. She talks about how “passionate” the night was and how she wonders why the guy didn’t call, yet at the same time she does not want a relationship. What does she want exactly? It sounds like she would like a little fling with the guy, and chances are that he knows this too given the nature of his moving abroad. More than likely he wonders why she didn’t do something, make a move, or do something that night in order to make something happen.
If she wants the fling- then she should get over herself, pick up the phone and call this guy.
Comment by Another Anon on 03/22/06.
“more physically attracted to you than any other woman ever” this is an oxymoron
Comment by Anonymous on 03/22/06.
Ok. You’re first mistake was letting him get into your place on the first date. The Second was getting “all hot and heavy”. Unfortunately you were just the flavour of the week. Forget about this dude. He isn’t worth anymore of your time.
Comment by Jada on 04/22/06.
There was no way you were going to “win” this situation. You wanted to get to know him… he just wanted a piece is all.
