Comments on: Why, God, why

By: rock creek rambler

rock creek rambler — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 14:58:14 +0000

Museums and ice skating? Um, are you sure he’s straight?

By: Larissa

Larissa — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 15:34:11 +0000

I say move on. I’ve been in a scenario like this before, and it didn’t work out. In the end I felt like an idiot for leading myself on.

By: Ibid

Ibid — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 15:45:38 +0000

He could be scared. But if he dates as much as you indicate I’d doubt that.

Could be there’s no chemistry. It’s not uncommon to find someone who fills every spot on your mental checklist, but there’s no spark so nothing happens.

He could be crazy about you, but there’s one thing that puts him off. Maybe you smoke and he doesn’t date smokers. Maybe you want kids and he’d prefer to be tied down while bamboo sprouts grow through his torso.

It could be that you’ve known each other for so long that he doesn’t think of you that way.

It could be that he sees women as something to be screwed and thrown away but you’re the emotional support that sex partners don’t provide.

You could have something nasty stuck in your teeth.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:24:01 +0000

I agree with Kathryn’s #1. I’ve become friends with females I would normally consider to be quite attractive while they were dating other guys. Once those relationships ended, I really wasn’t attracted to them, even though I would describe them as being attractive-to-hot. It happens.

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:26:49 +0000

“I know that I want it to be more than friends but he doesn?t seem to want to at all.”

Or he does and doesn’t feel the same way. Have you told him how you feel about him? “I don’t know what I want right now” and “I’m not interested in you” are mutually exclusive statements.

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 18:28:11 +0000

I’m also inclined to think he thinks you’re unattainable, that’s the only other explanation for going to museums and ice skating with you other than him being gay. Straight guys only do that sort of thing for two reasons: So they can have sex with you later, or on the odd chance they’ll be able to have sex with you further down the road.

By: Stephen

Stephen — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 19:27:12 +0000

Question 1: What are you doing? Are you actively trying to signal him, or are you not signaling anything at all?

Question 2: Does he ever talk to you about dates her CURRENTLY has?

If She’s of comparable hotness to other girls, then I call BS that he thinks she’s unattainable.

I vote that you’re being kept in the wings, as insurance.

By: V

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 20:41:13 +0000

My experience is this is exactly how friends fall in love. I’ve seen it happen. You start out just friends for some reason, it doesn’t become more until someone NUTS UP and says something. If you want it to be more then maybe that should be your role. If he says he cares about you, but doesn’t like you like that then so be it. At least you’ll know and can move on and start spending you’re time with a great guy who will also put out.

By: Chaco

Chaco — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 03:26:23 +0000

“I don’t know what I want right now” means he is gay. Come on, it’s the only explanation (and just because he has banged chicks in the past does not make him straight).

By: girl

girl — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 04:07:11 +0000

I am in a similar situation, we spend alot of time together but there is absolutely no spark. I bet it’s just the fact that there is no chemistry… it works very well on the friendship level, but nothing sexual can ever happen. It seems like the #1 to me!

By: GingerDaisy

GingerDaisy — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 06:21:35 +0000

Happened to me in college. Used to KISS this guy hello/goodbye. He would rub my feet. I swear I would sleep with just about anyone who rubs me feet. Nothing. When he found out “what he wanted” it was-other men. Unfortunately his timing sucked and he died of AIDS in 1983. I miss him still.
I think your friend is gay.

By: Anon

Anon — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 09:46:33 +0000

You actually do (or he thinks you do, same thing) act like, look like, sound like his sister or his mother. Or someone has told him this. Or there is some other element of you that attracts him socially (you feel like family) but repels him sexually (threat of incest, it’s real).

Find someone about yourself you would like to change–not related to him in any way. Monster trucks instead of museums, indie rock instead of Vivaldi, or go the other way. Important: it’s your change. See what happens.

By: TC the Terrible

TC the Terrible — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 14:12:13 +0000

I think you are just another hot chick that’s fallen for a gay guy. This seems to be a fairly common thing. The frustration point is that there are many hot straight guys out there that would love to meet you and jump your bones.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 14:35:30 +0000

Put the moves on him - you have nothing to lose. Either way, you’ll get your answer.

By: bonney

bonney — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 14:43:32 +0000

He’s gay. End of story. The sooner you both admit it, the better for both of you.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 15:14:06 +0000

GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!! I was in a similar situation for 6 months, and in the end I was the one who go hurt. I can see the “someday girl” theory but is that really it??!?! Cut the strings now and walk away. TRUST ME!!!!

By: Charlie

Charlie — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 16:23:33 +0000

I am in the exact same situation right now. It’s driving me insane. Today is the day I throw a hand grenade in the middle of it…either we are or we aren’t, but this crap isn’t going to continue.

By: Veronica

Veronica — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 17:59:44 +0000

I am in a similar position with a guy whom I have been speaking to for months and months on the phone.. Nearly 2-3 hrs/day.. But the question is do you really have chemistry for him?? Ya know? If you looked deep down into your soul- do you really like HIM? or the thought of what he could be? Is it just that you want a boyfriend and he’s around- so that would work? Or is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? If its’ A then just enjoy the time you have with him and if it’s B- then do something abt it! good luck

By: anoushka

anoushka — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 18:47:17 +0000

Guys aren’t generally great at impulse control when it comes to sex, hence the confusion. Hence, also, the “he’s just not that into you” rule. I’m currently dating someone who took me ice skating and then to Ben’s Chili Bowl for a late dinner– then he walked me home and left. I figured the HJNTIY rule applied, but it turned out that he actually liked me, was a bit shy and we’re still dating.

I know it’s crappy when you feel like someone so compatible isn’t returning your affections– but look on the bright side, you’ve got an awesome friend/escort until you find the right guy for you!

By: TC the Terrible

TC the Terrible — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:22:22 +0000

” . . . look on the bright side, you?ve got an awesome friend/escort until you find the right guy for you!”

That’s a great approach to dating if you like being a quitter. Get off your money maker and go find a guy that wants to pound you until your headboard shatters. You can still hang out with the gay friend and all, but quit waiting on him to switch religons.

By: Anon

Anon — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 23:30:28 +0000

So is it safe to say their is nothing wrong for leaving a “friend” after you ask them and they say their is nothing more then a friendship there? I mean afterall everyone says make yourself happy first. And if you can’t be “happy” with this person, why bother sticking around. Maybe once you leave they will realize what they are missing?? It’s a shame situations like this happen.