Hot for Exec. Assistant
Stoopid Monkey writes,
Dear FDDC,
I’ve been hanging out with the executive assistant at my office pretty regularly since she got rehired. During her first stint working at the company, we barely spoke. At present time theres been about 70% turn over at the office and I’m one of the few people left that smokes.
Our smoke breaks went from the usula chit-chat into more personal stuff; like how abusive our single-mothers were/are. We talk about failed relationships and the desire to go back to those people even though it’s nothing but drama. We have the same goofy sense of humor, etc. She talks about the guys she fucks and I talk about the women I bang.
Over the past couple of months, she was having car trouble and I would give her rides home every night. We’d sit and talk or go grab dinner. Essentially, we were spending way too much time together to be just “co-workers”. I have developed feelings for her. I just wanted to fuck her in the beginning, but the more we talk the more I want to have a relationship with her. However, since her last relationship about three months ago she’s gone all whorish with banging her male roommates. She cries on my shoulder about how she’s not like that and how she misses her ex and blah blah blah.
I know she’s not really ready to be in any kind of relationship. And I’m probably not either. She’s ADHD and I’m Bi-Polar with severe depression. It is the blind leading the blind. Everyone in the office can see that I’m infatuated, in a crush, love. . .whatever. And she’s very perceptive about a man’s level of attraction to her. Everyone in the office keeps asking me what the deal is. I’m a consultant so there are lots of demands on my time as well as hers, yet we both drop everything for the other instantly. People know to go through her if they want to get something from me and vice versa.
We always have a great time together and it’s getting to the point where neither one of us wants to hear about the other’s sex-life. I find myself making booty-calls to other girls just to spite her obliviousness to my clear infatuation. I’m trying to separate from her because my level of frustration is so high, but she’s always in my head.
Like I said, neither one of us is really in a place that makes a relationship viable. She’s fighting for custody of her son. I’m suing a stalker (defamation and whole other can of worms) and taking care of my sick mother. We’re there for each other trying to offer sound advice and assistance whenever possible. Any little thing that weighs on me, she wants to be part of the solution or help me deal, and I do the same for her.
Now, all I want to do when I see her is jump her bones and confess my “whatever” to her. If she turns me away I’ll be devastated and I’m sure it will kill whatever this relationship is. If I do nothing, I’m stuck in a place I don’t want to be anymore(the “friend zone”).
Which path do I take? Confess or just walk away. I awit your sage and thoughtful replies.
Stoopid Monkey
DCB says,
Let’s review the reality of this situation:
1. She is clinically crazy. Well, as close as you can get to crazy without being called that by a doctor.
2. She has a kid.
3. She is your coworker.
Bro, can I have some of the crack you are on? This girl has BAD NEWS written all over her slutty face. I know this is a fun fantasy but nothing good can come of it (except for the notch of course). Run away while you still can. But whatever you do, do not confess your feelings to her. That will always be the worst option any man can do to a woman he’s in the friends zone with. It works in the movies, but not in real life. IT NEVER HAS.
Kathryn says,
It’s times like these I’m glad there are handy cliches to fall back on.
Don’t dip your pen in the company ink.Don’t shit where you eat.
Don’t fuck crazy chicks.
I might have made that last one up, or paraphrased something DCB once wrote.
Can you leave your job and get a new one? Then block her phone number, email, IM, everything? Because honestly, man, not even I can find the slightest positive thing in your entire relationship. She’s using you for emotional support, you both have mental problems best resolved in a therapist’s office and not in a relationship, you are torturing yourself over her actions, and most importantly… you’re making a fool of yourself at work. You said everyone knows you guys are personally involved, to the point that you drop what you’re doing to attend to her personal needs. People go to her to get what they need from you. NONE OF THIS IS GOOD. They clearly aren’t afraid to fire people at your office. Please leave before they fire you.
Time to start over while you still can.
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