First Date DC

Why do STD’s have to always be so awkard? writes,

I’ve hooked up with this guy several times, and by several I mean like 5-6. After the 3rd time or so, I noticed some bumps on the underside of his member. The first time I noticed was by touch and in the dark so I was a little taken aback, but couldn’t really tell what it was. I figured it was my imagination and didn’t think much of it. The next time we hooked up, I noticed it again but with my mouth. Again- it was in the dark so I couldn’t get a clear view. Now, don’t ask me why the hell I continued to hook up with him afterwards when he has questionable bumps on his penis, but I did.

I’ve asked him two or three times when was the last time he got tested. He said last September and I know he hasn’t had that many sex partners since then (although I know it only takes 1 person to spread the disease). And I know his ex is a slut and a half. I would also like to add that he is a medical student, so he takes health very seriously and is fully aware of STD’s. So…my question is this: how the hell do I ask him if he has an STD in the least awkward way possible? Remember: I’ve already asked him when he got tested, and he answered. If I ask again, I want it to be more direct and I want a full YES or NO. Do I ask him while we’re hooking up? (Talk about killing the mood) or when we’re fully clothed? (”hey, pass the salt please. Do you have genital warts?”) Please help. Thank you.

Kathryn says,

I have one question for you. What do you consider to be less appealing: telling him “I think I felt some bumps on you the other day,” or having a wicked awful warts outbreak that requires medication and/or the doctor burning them off, possibly multiple times, and then having to tell every partner you ever have in the future about it because the virus lives in your body forever?

It may be that he just has a couple of ingrown hairs under there or something else really benign and not contagious. But it could be HPV, HSV, molluscum contagiosum, or any other nasty, bumpy, never-gonna-go-away type of disease. And although, as a med student, he should know more about STD symptoms and transmission, medical students often also feel they know everything and rarely actually see doctors themselves. So talk to him about it ANY time - on the phone one day, when you’re about to hook up (but maybe before the clothes come off), over a private dinner at your house… just don’t let this go on any longer without addressing it. You’re putting yourself in an unnecessarily risky position, and you’re making me nervous.

DCB says,

While STD’s are serious business, I wouldn’t go as far as Kathryn’s doomsday outlook. It’s a fact that a risk of having an active sex life is contracting an STD - with something like 1 out of 4 adults infected with herpes and an even higher number for HPV. As adults we must do our absolute best to minimize the risk of contracting an STD by using condoms and being aware of warning signs such as slutty behavior, ignorance about how STD’s are spread, and physical deformities you feel in your mouth when you’re going down on someone.

I have never trusted the “I have been tested” line. Tested for what exactly? When a girl tells me that line, it comes with the assumption that she was tested for everything, but in reality it just applies to HIV. Doctors do not test for things such as herpes or HPV when there are no symptoms present, and since HIV is perhaps the hardest thing for non-IV drug-using heterosexuals to contract, “I have been tested” means absolutely nothing. It is your responsibility to be visually and physically aware of your partner’s genitals.

You continued to hook up with him because talking about STD’s are uncomfortable, and we want to deny that the person we are sleeping with has something. But I think it’s worth some discomfort now to avoid a lot more down the road. You’re an adult so talk to him like one. Tell him you are concerned about his bumps and feel uncomfortable having sex with him while neither of you know what it is. If he cares about your health and his own, he will make an appointment with a doctor immediately. My guess is he’s probably in denial and scared of a bad diagnosis that would give him a negative label. Hopefully it’s nothing and you are in the clear, but I think you need to make the assumption that it is serious enough to stop what you are doing and ask the tough questions.

If you liked this post then I think you will like my Roosh's Game Tips Email Newsletter For Guys. It's completely free and your first newsletter will be about how to meet girls in coffee shops. Following that will be newsletters on getting phone numbers, dealing with flakes, teasing girls the right way, handling cockblockers, meeting girls in foreign countries, and a whole lot more. Your email address will always remain private and you can unsubscribe at any time. To sign up put your first name and email address below and click the button.