So about a month ago I met a guy at a bar. Talked and hit it off and gave him my number, something that rarely happens. He actually called and we got along well. We went on 5 or 6 dates with calls two or three times per week. He paid for some dates, I paid for some dates. Last weekend he slept over, but there was no sex. After that last weekend, there were no calls. I called him (waited for 4 days), left message, he called back and we talked for over an hour. Got a text from him the next night. Have not heard from him since. My question: I’m totally getting blown off, aren’t I? The hard part is, I actually do want to sleep with him. Is there any way to re-initiate the dating? Or did I miss my chance??
FYI: Had been in 2 long term monagamous relationships and only had 2 partners, hence the hesitancy of sleeping w/ someone new.
DCB says,
Yes, you are getting blown off. You should have had sex with him when you slept over, assuming you had the chance. If you are decent in the sack, it may have been enough to trick him into taking you out in future dates.
There is no way to re-initiate this unfortunately, for any chasing move on your part makes you appear desperate. Look on the bright side, you will probably run into him again in the future. He will probably be drunk and very willing to continue where he left off. Alcohol makes us do things like that. But please, don’t take that as a sign he is seriously interested.
Kathryn says,
Word, DCB.
I predict, in a few months, if you think back on this sequence of events you’ll realize he wasn’t showing the interest you thought he was at the time.
Also, I have a feeling he may have started seeing someone else.
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After 5 or six dates, you risk trouble if you don’t sleep with him. Like waiting 3 or 4 is ok, most guys are used to that. But at 5 or 6, I would start to wonder about whether the girl has a healthy sexuality. Like even after sex happens is she going to be uptight for the whole relationship? Will she scold me disapprovingly if I used the word “pussy” while in bed? Will she act like oral sex is gross and she is doing me the biggest favor in the world be grudgingly doing it? If the girl seemed like a soul mate otherwise, I would probably give her another couple of chances. But if she is less than a soulmate and I have other options, she is going to low down on my priority list.
Comment by Chaco on 04/24/06.
When did our society get like this? Where men are turned off and disgusted when a woman doesn’t put out after THREE dates?! Most likely, after 3 dates, that will have been a grand total of 3 times you have seen the person. Three times in your life. And you’re expected to get naked and do the deed with someone after only seeing them 3 times? And yet we tsk tsk people who have one night stands? Congratulations. You’re not a slut because you’ve slept with this person after seeing them 3 times in your life, but you, who slept with him after 5 hours- you are a slut.
Fuck men like these. A woman should be able to start seeing a man without the fear of losing him if she doesn’t put out fast enough.
Comment by Menarestupid on 04/24/06.
He doesn’t sound crazy about you that’s for sure. Maybe you haven’t gotten the total blowoff just yet. He probably will contact you when he is bored, lonely, horny or has nothing better to do. Basically at his own convenience.
Comment by Jada on 04/24/06.
Doesn’t have anything to do with you not fucking him. He is either talking to someone else, was turned off by your hook up skills, or doesn’t think you are that hot.
In fact, I would disagree big time with DCB’s belief that if a woman doesn’t put out a man would leave her. I think its the exact opposite. If you hold back and have something to offer, he will hang in there longer.
Guys leave women because:
1.) they suck in the sack
2.) there is a better more hotter chick in the background
3.) they are totally annoying when they hang out.
4.) they are not physically attracted to them.
For future reference. Any time a guy leaves, its one of the reasons above.
It rarely has to do with not getting any action in the first 2 months.
Tampa
Comment by Anonymous on 04/24/06.
“If you hold back and have something to offer, he will hang in there longer.”
The only thing most girls have to offer is sex.
Comment by DCB on 04/24/06.
Very very good point DCB. Some of them can cook as well.
Tampa
Comment by Anonymous on 04/24/06.
If all the woman has to offer is sex then she’s not worth the effort or money of dating.
Comment by Ibid on 04/24/06.
Tampa is right on
Comment by Anonymous on 04/24/06.
DCB and K are probably right that he didn’t think she was worth the wait because something better came along, not that attracted, etc.
But I do think it is quite possible for a guy to stick around longer than 5-6 dates if he doesn’t get the full on sex BUT she has other things to offer (in addition to cooking), and he is very attracted to her and believes it will be worth holding out a little longer. I mean we’re probably talking about a month here, which it does happen that people wait that long.
Yea, he probably is chasing another deer if he’s stopped talking to you. One thing I can tell you is it’s never too late. Who cares if you look desperate, what have you got to loose? Call him up ask him out on a date, the worst he can tell you is no. If you do go on the date, make your move and you’ll get your action and he’ll get his.
Comment by JM on 04/24/06.
Uh, would you want to date a guy who isn’t that into you? Get over him and move on. I agree with Kathryn’s original response… I’m sure he wasn’t that into you if you look back on the sequence. You can do better than a guy who won’t talk to you because you won’t sleep with him.
Comment by Sam on 04/24/06.
I don’t believe in a set number of dates to wait. The way I see it, the whole point of dating is to get to know each other and see if its worth being together long term.
