I’ve been on three dates with a guy that’s very successful, 31 yrs old, cute, drinks in moderation-1 or 2 beers, overall good guy. We met through my aunt’s friend. The problem is that our dates consist of happy hour right now, never dinner or something romantic. We haven’t even kissed yet!
The last time, third date,we went out we had two drinks and he says “Want to come back to my place?”, very random since we were at a bar, and I said, “ummm okay” I made it clear that I would have to leave soon after as it was getting very late and I had an early meeting. I’m not a prude believe me, but I do think a guy has to do some work before I’m going to want to sleep with him especially if I’m sober! So we kissed goodbye at his place, great kiss, but I don’t think I’ll hear from him again b/c I didn’t put out. Am I wrong to think that? Should I wait for him to contact or send an email to say hi??
Kathryn says,
Until he kissed you, I thought he might be gay. He still could be, but I’m going to table that as a reason for his behavior.
So you guys have met for happy hour three times. I don’t know if I’d call that three “dates,” necessarily. Has he been paying? Or offering? Is he always the one asking you out? All important details. Based on what you’ve shared, I’m thinking either he’s unsure he wants to invest in dating you or he’s recently been dumped or otherwise heartbroken and is now scared of getting hurt again. Either way, let him make the next move and come to you. If the kiss was really that great, I’m sure you’ll be hearing from him in no time. Whether it’s for another happy hour or something definitively more date-like, I have no idea. Good luck!
DCB says,
So you like everything about him - “overall good guy” - yet didn’t give him more than a kiss by the third date? At least rub it a little.
He got frustrated that he was receiving no action after taking you out two times. He thought a third date was perfectly acceptable to go for the notch. I sure think so. While he doesn’t sound like a great catch, he realizes that for every girl like you who has sexual hang-ups, there will be another who actually enjoys sex and doesn’t play games. He got tired of your lame-o prudeness and asked out that girl who has been giving him the crotch stare in the office.
Oh, and wouldn’t sending him an email go against your rule of wanting him to do “some work”…
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I’m not willing to dismiss him being shy. Or clueless. He could be clueless.
It’s been a long time since Dad was dating, but he would rarely ask a woman on a third date because a kiss was expected on the third date. When he was dropping Mom off at her house he came in to use the restroom. She blocked the door and refused to let him leave until she got a kiss.
That was 35 years ago. Times have changed. If the chatter here is any indicator a guy is presumed gay if he doesn’t make a grab for the breasts by the end of the first date.
Here’s what you do. Next time he asks you out for happy hour suggest something else. I dunno. Dinner or something. Some guys still like to take their time. Some guys haven’t the foggiest idea how to date, let alone get a woman in bed. Help the guy out a bit.
Comment by Ibid on 04/11/06.
Ibid,
Props to your Dad. That’s awesome.
Comment by Stephen on 04/11/06.
Why should a guy have to “work” to get sex from you? This is classic prostitution disguised as a “Cosmo Dating Tip of the Month”. Oh, he has to shell out some money first? He has to take you on a classy date or two? Is this his payment upfront in exchange for sex? Why can’t sex be something you engage in because it is a pleasurable thing to do with a person you like?
Anyway, you should also be aware that the “I can’t stay I have an early meeting in the morning” is a line that all girls use to avoid sex on weekday nights. So he probably though you were giving him the standard BS line and are therefore prudish, per DCB’s comment. Moreover, to avoid the prostitution-in-disguise issue discussed above, some guys have a rule: no dinner dates until AFTER sex. The theory is that a nice dinner should be a reward for sex, not a bribe to induce sex. He may be playing acording to that rule. If that is the case, he has game, is likely a real alpha male, and you should work to keep him.
Comment by Chaco on 04/11/06.
Maybe he is just interested in giving her Le Sex, not dating her. That would explain the happy hour only dates, which are a perfect set-up to “why don’t you come over to my place”.
Comment by Sally on 04/11/06.
This line scares the hell out of me: “I?m not a prude believe me, but I do think a guy has to do some work before I?m going to want to sleep with him especially if I?m sober!”
It really sums up why DCB and others can have full right to hate on girls. This says 1) I don’t like sex sober/am a lazy lay 2)I sleep w/ a guy who spends money on me NOT because I think he has qualities i like. Jesus Christ. That’s terrible. If he’s a nice guy, and you’re attracted to him, why wouldn’t you want to fool around–because he didn’t buy you a salad before? Sad.
I love how men immediately jump to the assumption that when she says “do some work” she means “spend some money.” As a woman, I took it to mean, “spend some time together getting acquainted and determining if he is worthy.” She never once mentions money in her post. Why you gotta hate?
Comment by Girl Anon on 04/11/06.
Inviting you out to three happy hours is a low-involvement way of seeing if you were a scary chick. Usually one is enough for me, then I can decide if she’s worth the investment of my time.
Maybe he drew it out to three because he wasn’t quite sure about you. Or he could be lazy (thus, happy hour is a suitable date for him). Or he felt you weren’t worth the “work,” but would put the idea out there anyway just in case you weren’t the type who would hold out on him. Kind of sounds like he’s an amateur at this though.
In sum: Don’t expect him to call you again unless he’s desperate. And as for you, don’t let that fact bother you. You’re looking for something more than he’s willing to offer, so forget him.
Comment by Andy on 04/11/06.
Frankly he sounds boring and not that interested in you. I’m not sure why your’re interested in him. “Successful” and has only invited you on 3 happyhour dates? Also sounds lazy and whatever happens to be easy and convenient for him. I really don’t think he is looking for a serious relationhip with you. If you like what he is giving you so far, then stick around and hope for the best. Don’t analyze him. With that said, his NON actions and what he does do speaks volumes. If he really liked you he’d be showering you with a lot more attention and much taking you out on much more interesting “dates”. Especially at this stage of the game. Whatever you do don’t contact him. Don’t waste your time on this dude. If he wants to find you he will. What a slug.
