I broke up with my boyfriend in December, and ended up going to Boston for New Years, where I met this really awesome guy. I met him at the bar, through mutual friends, and then I went home with him and we had an AWESOME one DAY stand (complete with afternoon movies). Now, this was my first one night stand ever. I did it because I wanted to get over my ex and because I thought this guy and I had a spark. Afterwards, he didn’t ask for my number, and I didn’t give him mine. I understand that no one wants to date a girl who puts out on the first night, and we live in different states. But secretly I was saddened by this. Since then I can’t stop thinking about him.
I’m moving to Boston in two months and am wondering whether I should somehow get our friends to reintroduce us or ask for his number. Or is this a bad idea? Did he just find me attractive and was too nice to kick me out the next day? Or did we really have some spark and I should try to repeat what we did?
DCB says,
Okay let me give you some one night stand etiquette, since you missed the memo.
1. Men value a one night stand as much as they value Jake Gyllenhaal’s eyebrows.
2. You are easy like every other girl.
3. I like easy girls.
GET OVER IT. I’m sure you’re an awesome person, but this one man has no respect for you. If he wanted to contact you, he would have done so by now. Contacting him would be stalker behavior.
Kathryn says,
Normally, I would say don’t contact him. And I stand by that in this situation - don’t contact him. However, as you have the special circumstance of having mutual friends, I say, let fate intervene. Don’t ask for a reintroduction or plan an “accidental” run-in. Just stay cool, and see if your paths cross again, and if so, how it feels. If you find him attractive, and he’s responding well to you, you can maybe have another one night or one-day stand. But be careful - it sounds like you might want more from him. If that’s the case, don’t give it up so easy next time, okay, Tiger?
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> he didn?t ask for my number, and I didn?t give him mine.
I don’t see anywhere where you asked for his phone number. If a strange woman came in to town, jumped me, and left, I’d assume that it was a “what happens in Boston stays in Boston” situation. I’d have to assume that if I called her she’d resent it. I’d just be some casual dalliance that was intruding into her real life.
If you’re moving to Boston and you each still have the same friends you may bump each other again… and again and again and again in a variety of positions. But don’t chase after him.
If it just took a one night stand to get over your last boyfriend then I’d think another would help you get over this guy.
Any volunteers?
Comment by Ibid on 04/05/06.
It’s not always true that men do not want to date women who put out on the first night. I personally find it an admirable quality in a woman and I always like to reward good behavior. I would definitely ask a girl out if I liked her personality, regardless of how far we got that first night. But if I knew she was leaving the city, then no, I might not ask for her number.
So in your case, it may have been the the fact you were leaving, not the fact you had sex that made him not seek further contact. As for what to do now that you are moving to Boston, why not arrange an “accidental” meeting by scheming with your mutual friends to set it up? I don’t understand Kathryn’s caution. “Bump into him”, chat him up, feel out the vibe, find out if he is single, and then act accordingly. Go for it, you have nothing to lose.
Comment by Chaco on 04/05/06.
Intersex?
Comment by Anonymous on 04/05/06.
As a Swyer’s Syndrome person, who should I date to be accepted by the Religious Right?
Thanks for putting this up and for the advice!
Some clarification: I didn’t fully get over my ex with this one night stand, but it helped. I didn’t ask for his number because I’ve NEVER asked for a guy’s number. Aside from this incident, I’m pretty shy and old-fashioned. I don’t chase and guys always call me first, not the other way around. I guess maybe I should look into changing that?
I just figured that if he didn’t like me beyond sex for one night, he would have made up some lame excuse to kick me out. I’m pretty perceptive to clues.
Eek.
Comment by Lisa on 04/05/06.
My friend just married a guy she banged on the first encounter. However…he asked for her number when they parted and used it the very next day.
