I met a girl on a online dating service. We talked on the phone several times and exchanged pictures. She is an attractive woman and she said she liked my looks too. We had conversations dealing with children, past dating disasters and likes and dislikes. We agreed that we should meet in person. Onr first attempt at meeting fell through and she suggested that I come to meet her where she was working in alabama. I agreed and she seemed happy with that. Since then she has been not returning or answering my phone calls and has returned my calls to say she’s not blowing me off but she’s been very busy. Then two days before i am suppose to drive from Tennessee to Alabama to meet her, she calls me and says her dog, which travels with her, is going to have to have emergency surgery and we will have to put our weekend on hold. Question is what do I do? Do I believe her and hang on or do I blow her off and move on? I really felt like we made a connection and shared alot in common.
DCB says,
She got creeped out that you were willing to make the 3-hour trip to Alabama to meet her. She sensed that only a really desperate guy would be willing to go to the armpit of the United States for poon. I really don’t think you are in the position to blow her off, so please move on. I don’t believe you bought the “my dog needs emergency surgery” excuse. It’s something I use all the time and I don’t even have a dog.
Kathryn says,
I also believe she got freaked out by the prospect of having to spend an entire weekend with a near-stranger from the internet. I do think the best option here is to forget about her and move on, but if you just can’t let it go, here’s what I would do. First, step back and see if she makes an effort to contact you and reschedule. Do NOT hound her, make yourself overly available for driving down there any other time, or otherwise appear desperate. If she does make some effort and does set up a new weekend with you, do everything you can to make it low-pressure. Get a hotel room for yourself so you won’t depend on her for housing. See if there are other things you can plan to do there, or friends in the area you can plan to see, so you won’t depend on her for 24-7 entertainment. Slow and steady. Or, as Elaine Benes would say, you’re trying to get a scared little squirrel to come eat out of your hand. Don’t make any BIG, SUDDEN MOVEMENTS!
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I think it may be a case of too much too soon. Stepping and holding back a little on your part would be a smart idea if you sincerely like her and want to see if things grow and develop. Be patient and take things slower. If she is genuinely interested in getting to know you better, she’ll contact you. Don’t blow her off just yet. Give her the benefit of doubt for now. If she doesn’t call you within 7 days of the last time you spoke then MOVE on.
Comment by Jada on 04/25/06.
Tennessee to Alabama isn’t traveling to the armpit of the country. At best it’s switching armpits.
She could have met someone local and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings after all the time you’ve spent getting to know each other.
“You know those little nagging doubts in the back of your mind. The ones you try not to listen to, but they have too big of a publicity budget to completely ignore? We’ve been talking. They’re trying to convince me that there was more to cancelling my visit than dog surgery. They make up these wacky scenarios about new boyfriends, me being mistaken for someone on America’s Most Wanted, a sudden attack of nerves, and one about how you’re really some university experiment with an advanced AI designed to simulate a real woman and I’m just your Turing Test. See? This is why I try not to listen to the doubts.
“Anyway, they’ve convinced me that maybe we’re moving a bit too fast. Maybe it’s not face to face time yet. We can go back to e-mail and phone conversations, and next time you can come here. We’ll set you up with a hotel so there’s no pressure to move too fast. You won’t have to worry about giving your address to some loon you met on the internet. I like what I’ve seen so far and the last thing I want to do is spook you.
“Or you can tell me that I need more powerful meds and that sometimes a dog surgery is just a dog surgery.”
copy>paste>send
Comment by Ibid on 04/25/06.
How about dating someone that lives within 20 miles of you. I believe that Tennessee is a state with over 10 million people.
I know there is a girl in your town that will throw you a bone. Lets try to find her.
Tampa
Comment by Anonymous on 04/25/06.
Yeah. Ignore Jada’s comments, and pay attention to Tampa’s. Seriously. It’s too easy for women (yes, even divorced single-mother women) to find guys. As a result, the ones who turn to online dating generally have something wrong with them.
No need to drive 3h somewhere to “date” a girl. You’re just cheating yourself out of hapiness.. and if you two really hit it off, then you’re both cheating yourself. No matter how “good” a long distance relationship can be, a local one can be so much better.
Comment by G on 04/25/06.
There’s nothing wrong with a long distance relationship when you’re looking for Miss Right. If you’re just looking for Miss Right-Now then you can probably find someone a bit closer to home. In some places, like Alaska, the men outnumber the women by so much that even Miss Right-Now is a long distance relationship. Same story for a woman looking for a man in DC. Being single at all in Kansas City is a social death. Tennessee, according to demographics, is a bad place to be searching for your ideal mate if you’re liberal or hate Nascar. Alabama may very well be the nearest unspokenfor female that he’s compatable with.
I know several people who found Miss/Mr Right via the internet and wound up married.
Comment by Ibid on 04/25/06.
“where she was working in alabama” and “her dog, which travels with her” indicate to me that she does not in fact live in Alabama, so I don’t think it’s safe to assume that this is a long distance thing. Perhaps she’s just there temporarily for work.
She’s fat and ugly. She was sending you photos of her cutest friend.
Surely you can find a fat, ugly woman in your hometown.
Comment by DC Rookie on 04/25/06.
My guess is she didn’t think you’d ever actually plan to come down, so when you said you’d come… she had to bail. It’s a syndrome of fat, ugly, women after seeing Janeane Garofalo in “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” or Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit for “Shallow Hal” Perhaps she hoped that as you get to know and love her as a person, you won’t care that she’s not the person in her picture. Unless you don’t care already. Try and find a more secure woman.
And DCB- no need to insult Bama when this email has plenty of room for insulting. Bama’s a great state.
Comment by Sam on 04/25/06.
nice to see you’re getting more Q’s from outside of the DC area.
Will there be an international dating theme week perhaps? What does a grey burka mean? Is it acceptable to say “Ngo oi ney” after a noodles date? My Swiss fiance says he is allergic to pine trees.. is he stalling?
Seriously though, good to see the readership is extending beyond DC.
Comment by G on 04/25/06.
Ibid — I know two people who have met online and gotten married. The thing people need to realize is that marriage does not equate to automatic happiness, or just because two people are married it is the best situation for both of them. There are plenty of screwed up marriages, so using the argument “but they got married” isn’t by any means enough to sell me on the notion of online dating.
Every single friend of mine that has introduced me to a girl he met online has been a girl with at least one fundamental issue. Definitely not Ms. Right. My belief? Generally speaking, due to the ease women can meet men, if any girl turns to online dating there is something inherently wrong with her.
Comment by G on 04/25/06.
DC Rookie and Sam are probably right on. DCB, where were you on that one?
