Schizochick
Mixed signals writes,
Hey, just wanna say I really love the site. Ok, here’s the deal. I’ve been dating this girl for a little over 2 months. I dig her a lot. All indications are that she digs me a lot, too. But lately, I’ve gotten some mixed signals. For starters, she told me recently that she went out on a date with a high-profile professional athlete “right before or right after we met, I can’t remember” (her job puts her in contact with people like this). I casually asked what happened and she responded that “he was an idiot” with “nothing interesting to say” and “was just trying to get in my pants.” Okay, no big deal, I have to take her at her word as I really have nothing else to go on. Although learning that you might be competing with a guy who drives a car that costs half as much as my condo does (she mentioned the car he drives when telling me about it) and who can probably crush my car with his cock is a tough pill to swallow, no matter who you are (unless you are another rich, professional athlete).
Then this past weekend, we were out and she was pretty drunk and because my birthday is coming up in a few months, she asked if I wanted to go with her to visit her hometown and catch a baseball game for the weekend. It sounded like fun and I said I would like to go. Then we get home and we’re in the middle of getting it on, when she stops and has what I can only describe as a “moment” because I really don’t know what else to call it. On the verge of tears, she tells me how she is feeling overwhelmed with these feelings she has for me and she doesn’t know what to do about them. It sounded like she was really telling me that she was scared of getting hurt or something. I calm her down by telling her I’m not dating anyone else (the truth) and everything is back to normal. Move forward a few days and we’re talking on the phone and she mentions that she had dinner the night before at one of the nicest, most expensive restaurants in DC with a “friend” but declines to elaborate who the friend is (I didn’t pry). This is not the kind of place two girlfriends would go for a bite to eat and talk. It’s a fancy, super nice, super pricey, special occasion/date place. You only go there if you are celebrating something very special, you are trying to impress someone, or you can drop $300 on a dinner for two without thinking twice about it.
So am I getting mixed signals and if so, how are you guys reading them? Thanks.
Kathryn says,
Yes, she’s definitely giving you mixed signals. Part of the reason may be insecurity, as evidenced by continually playing the Professional Athlete card (assuming he’s the guy from the fancy dinner). But part may be your fault, too. Think back objectively about your interactions. When she was drunk and tearily confessed her confusing feelings for you, and you told her you weren’t dating anyone else, did she give you the same assurance? Did she ever say she’s not dating others, even though she’s having all these feelings for you? Has she ever called you her boyfriend? Has she gone through with concrete plans for your trip to her hometown, or is that all just talk? Sometimes when I am questioning the extent of a guy’s interest, I think back on previous communications and try taking his words at face value only. Quite often, that gives me a much different message than I originally found there, when I was searching for anything positive to hold on to. Do yourself a similar service. Step back, re-evaluate, and move on if you find she’s not putting in as much as you once thought.
DCB says,
I don’t think she is sending you mixed signals at all. She is losing interest, dating other guys, and you come back with “I’m only dating you.” She is just hanging on to you until one of those professional athletes doesn’t dump her after sex. If even the rich guys aren’t putting up with her bullshit, why are you?
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