Quick question–what are your thoughts on asking for a girl’s email address before asking for her phone number? Do girls see this as totally gutless or is it acceptable?
Kathryn says,
Most of the time, it’s gutless. Times it is not:
1. You met online and are using your screen names and/or a site’s built-in messaging to communicate, and you’re ready to take the next step - “real” email.
2. You are about to go out of the country for a while, and therefore can’t really call her, but you will have occasional access to email, and you want to communicate with her however you can.
3. You’re Ned Gerblansky and have to speak with an electronic voicebox.
If none of the above apply, just sack up and ask for her number already.
DCB says,
The most important reason I don’t go for email is because of the time factor. To set up a date through email takes more time and effort than a phone call. Email adds an unnecessary step before talking on the phone, so there is no point to add the email step since you will end up on the phone anyway.
A lot of guys think they should go for the email because they didn’t build a strong enough connection for the phone number, but they don’t realize how much harder it is to build through a computer. My personal rule: if you didn’t establish enough rapport to talk to her on the phone, then don’t close her. No email, no myspace, no screen name. This is why it’s important to be on top of your game at all times.
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Go for the phone number. I definitely see the email as gutless and odd. It is also so difficult to decipher tone and sarcasm on email, especially when you don’t know the person well.
The one exception i’ll note is that when i lived abroad, email seemed to be the standard ask. And the multi-step email date-setup process was really annoying.
Comment by Charlotte on 04/28/06.
Yeah, and I’d add one more exception to the above list. The guy (or girl) is deaf. Obviously deaf people can’t talk on the phone. If a girl has half a brain, she’d accept me emailing her even if she prefers the phone. If not, then she’s not right for me.
Comment by nabeel on 04/28/06.
Also in emails you might not pick up on sarcasm, humor what not. Go for the number, and do the flirty banter in real time.
Get the phone number already. The email just doesn’t cut it when she doesn’t know you that well. If a I didn’t know too asked me for my email as opposed to my phone number, I”d probably roll my eyes and think how lame and then move on.
Comment by Jada on 04/28/06.
*** ( see above) If a guy I didn’t know too well asked me for email as opposed to my phone number…
Comment by Jada on 04/28/06.
I agree that phone numbers are better…BUT I did date 3 girls who had weird phone phobias. Like one girl I dated for 4 months after asking for her email address later told me she hates the phone and if I had asked for her number instead of her email, she would not have called back. Go figure. Another girl whose phone number I did ask for never returned my calls, but when I made one last ditch text message, she returned it immediately, and always returned text messages after that, but never phone calls (she was weird though, 4 dates and it was over).
But for most girls, I believe if the she likes you and really wants to go out with you, she won’t care much how you contact her for the first date, she’ll still go out with you.
Comment by Chaco on 04/28/06.
Much prefer e-mail. It’s hard to distinguish humour and rapport, but easy to catch subtle red flags. E-mails can be blocked and ignored much easier than phonecalls. It gives a girl (or guy) an easy way to show disinterest. I have a complete phobia about giving out my personal number to a complete stranger, but not my e-mail address.
Comment by Anonymous on 04/28/06.
Once, when I used to be in the game, I hit it off with two different guys in one night. The first guy gave me his phone number, the second guy gave me his email address. I had to try one first, and I went for the phone number guy. I never emailed the other guy.
But I should have. Phone number guy was a total loser and it was too late for email guy by the time I figured it out. I think there are lessons to be learned on both sides of that scenario.
Comment by klo on 04/28/06.
Definetely go for the number. Email can be frustrating because people can take forever to think about what to write and then they come across as being something that they are not. It works both ways- men and women both do this. If you are too shy to pick up the phone and call something, what makes you think you will do any better in person? A few emails back and forth are okay, but I think it shows alot more effort/interest/balls if a guy picks up the phone and calls me.
