Date’s in the bathroom
Dave writes,
OK, so this happened last night… Was at the Slovakian Embassy for this concert/reception thingy. My group of folks was getting ready to leave after having a good time. I notice this pretty Asian girl sitting all alone. I walk over and ask if she’s waiting to go or something. Keep in mind she has been sitting alone for at least 10 minutes now. She says that she’s waiting for someone to come out of the bathroom. We talk for about 5-8 minutes about the concert and this-and-that. I say her friend seems to be taking a while, and I ask if it’s a guy or a girl. She says it’s a guy. I ask how well she knows him. She says “Not too well, really…” I say I’m confused, because most guys would have been out by now, and the bathroom wasn’t that busy last I checked. She said she was confused too. I told her he might be waiting for her in the wrong spot–of course who know where that would be…
So I leave her for a sec and hang with my group as they gather their things and go to the bathroom. The women come back from the bathroom, and this girl is still sitting there. It has now been over 20 minutes that she has been sitting there. I figure although I haven’t really done the “groundwork,” it can’t hurt to make a move. So as my friends all leave, I walk over and say “Hey, I realize I’ve caught you at an awkward moment here, but I would like to invite you out for a drink sometime…”
She gets this look on her face and says, “This is sort of a date that I’m on, so I don’t think that would be appropriate.”
I say “Hey, no problem.” I casually look around… There is NO ONE approaching. NO ONE coming out of the bathroom. I just look at her and say, “Well I hope your date comes back soon… Have a good night…” And I saunter out.
So question: Would it have been kosher for her to give me her number? Was I breaking a dating law by asking for it? How long must she wait before my approach becomes “legal”? Or is the ball just in her court in any case (i.e. if she is interested, all is automatically fine)?
DCB says,
I can guarantee you that she was not on a date. You were so focused on her imaginary date that you completely forgot about HER. Your game just wasn’t there.
Couple things: (1) Never ask a girl about her status. If it is important then she will tell you. But I know for a fact that no girl likes to come out and say she is single. They’d rather lie. (2) I like how you went for it regardless, but keep in mind the groundwork is everything when it comes to a pick up. And you don’t even need that much really, just a couple funny jokes, a relevant story, and a common interest. Five minutes of fun conversation - and not talking about her bathroom buddy - would have gotten you that number.
All that matters is that you approached. I’ve bombed much worse in my life and have learned from it. Next time you see a girl you like, take a deep breath and do it again.
Kathryn says,
I think she was lying about being on a date, or her date being in the bathroom. I believe she hoped, when she gave you that line, you’d go away and never find out she was lying to get rid of you. You stayed and even came back, though, making you look weaker (and therefore worse) in her eyes. In truth, she was probably waiting for a girl friend of hers to finish talking to some guy somewhere else, and the last thing she wanted was for some random dude (you) to bother her when she just wanted to go home.
All that makes your “game” irrelevant in this particular situation, but DCB offers some solid advice for when the odds are more favorable.
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