To fake or not to fake, that is the question writes,
Here’s an interesting one for you: OK, so I’m a petite girl who grew up extremely flat chested, and though I never necessarily lacked for girl friends or male attention I was always ALWAYS aware of it and self-conscious about it. Right after I graduated college I went and did something about it — got modest breast implants (I wasn’t even an A, now I’m a 34C). I only told a few close college friends (who were very supportive) and then moved to a different city where I made a bunch of new friends. I’ve gained about 10 pounds since college, so of the maybe twice since I got them that an ‘uninformed’ college friend has made an offhand comment, I’ve blamed it on the weight gain and birth control pill hormones (which COULD be possible for all they know!).
Because they are so subtle on my frame (truly!), and I’m not the stereotypical ‘breast implant type’ of girl, none of my new friends has ever suspected. I’m quite comfortable with my intelligent, quirky indie chick (and therefore not ‘breast implant type’ chick) status and the majority of my friends are similarly inclined. I don’t regret getting the implants and I really love filling out my clothes better than before, but I don’t flaunt them and I obviously don’t advertise it. I just don’t think everybody needs to know!
I usually make it a point to hook up with guys who are outside of my friend circle because I don’t want to take the chance of being ‘outed’ to my friends somehow. None of these post-college relationships have been long-term enough to make my breasts a serious topic of discussion between me and the guy and most have either naively not noticed (and just think I have a awesome perky breasts) or, if they suspected, have not, at least to my knowledge, ever gotten word back to any of my new friends.
The problem now is that things are starting to heat up a bit between me and a close friend of some friends, and could potentially lead to more than just short-term drunken fondling. So far it hasn’t progressed passed the making out stage, but I’m definitely interested in more, and opportunities for this may arise sooner rather than later. So, my question is: what do I do about this guy? He’s what you might call an intellectual, and would quite possibly be put off by the thought of a girl with breast implants (I could hope that my personality would sway his opinion otherwise, but who knows?). There’s always a slight chance that he wouldn’t notice, but there’s a better chance that he will.
We are friends, yes, but not the super close-for-years kind where I can just bring it up and explain myself before he, um, notices for himself. And it’s not like some deeply buried secret that I can wait until we are more serious to discuss!
I really like this guy, but do I sabotage my chance with him to maintain my discretion? Should I tell him up front? If you were this guy would you be weirded out by the cute ‘non breast implant type’ girl secretly harboring breast implants after all? If you were this guy would you mention it to your buddies (who would, in turn, possibly mention it to my friends)? Your input would be very helpful! Thanks!
Follow-up:
I just had a thought that you guys might advise me to subtley make a joke about or otherwise bring up implants and see what his reaction is and take my cue from that, but I would imagine that whatever his true feelings, he would say something negative, if just because he thinks that that’s what I would want to hear, being a “non breast implant” type girl and all, so that probably wouldn’t be too productive.
You don’t have to post this follow up, just please don’t advise the above unless you can think of another reason that it may be a viable option. I really think I’ve thought this over from so many possible angles and am at an impasse, hence why I’m after your (wise and) unbiased opinions. There are very few people I can bounce the problem off of since my close friends here that have met him and know the details of our budding relationship are post-college and have no idea about my “secret”. My mom knows but, well, that’s just weird, haha.
Kathryn says,
I don’t see any reason you have to tell him, at least not until he has reason to come into close contact with your enhanced curves. I say, if/when he’s ever feeling you up (sans bra), in between kisses say something like, “I guess you can tell I’ve had a little help here; hope you don’t mind.” Be sure to say this extra breathily. I’m sure he won’t mind at all.
And if for some reason he does think any less of you for having them, I would have to imagine he’s not worth your energy anyway. And if he feels the need to tell his friends in a juvenile, gossipy manner, that goes double.
DCB says,
I’m guessing the point of getting breast implants was so you would have one less thing to worry about. Yet you are still worrying about it!
While it is hard for me to accurately answer your question without seeing a photo of your breasts, I do know that guys don’t really care about implants as long as they aren’t big and gross like those bolt-ons you commonly see in porn.
I disagree with Kathryn about mentioning it in passing. Don’t say anything about it unless he brings it up. And even if he does, stick to the facts: “Yes, I had breast implants years ago.” Don’t make a joke about it, don’t say why you did it, and don’t rationalize it in any way. You made the choice to do this for you so there is no reason to justify it or make yourself uncomfortable for any man. If he can’t handle your breasts then forget him. (If I liked a girl’s chest, it does not matter to me if they are real or not. But I’m an ass man so that’s a moot point.)
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DCB makes an excellent point. Kathryn is just plain wrong on this one because she is a chick who does not understand how guys really feel about this subject.
The less you say the better, because truly you do not need to justify getting implants- it was your decision to make! I will tell you something else: even the most intellectual guys really do not care one way or the other about breast implants as long as they are not so huge that they are trashy.
Comment by Anonymous on 05/08/06.
If it comes up don’t deny it. If it doesn’t come up don’t mention it.
Are you happy with your decision to get breast implants? If you thought it was a positive move to acquire fake breasts, then why be hesitant to have other people know about it? Who cares if your friends know about it,… they are supposed to be friends, right?
People typically have this procedure for reasons of vanity or low self-esteem (I don’t think we are talking about medical reasons here). You suspected that guys would not find your small breasts attractive. Now you are worried that they will not like your fake breasts. This is the perfect example of women trying to change their appearance based on the media stereotypes of beauty in our culture. I propose that there are plenty of guys out there that would like you with small breasts, as well as quite a few who would reject you for having this procedure.
If you think that this guy does not mind dating someone who has a poor self image then go for it.
(As a personal note, I tend to like small breasts because of their firmness over the long-term. Women with large breasts tend to get quite saggy during their later years. Did you ever consider how those bolt-ons are going to appear as you age? Yuck!)
Comment by anon on 05/08/06.
I think you are doing too much thinking. As stated above, if he asks about your breasts, don’t deny it, if he doesn’t mention it then keep your mouth shut. I’d use the situation as a litmus test. If you do end up telling him about your enhancements and he is turned off by it.. well then he’s not such a “great” guy for YOU to be with. Having given you my opinion, I am now wondering how I would feel if a guy I was interested in was using “penis enlargement” products………….. ?
Comment by Jada on 05/08/06.
Don’t be so self-conscious about your fake breasts. And although, yes, women with fake boobs do have a “certain image”, don’t be so concerned that you’ll be misbranded. If you really are “not the fake boob girl type”, that will shine through no matter how fake your boobs.
And, anon- those bolt-ons will appear unnaturally perky and plump even when you’re older. That’s the beauty of fake breasts.
Comment by boobs are boobs on 05/08/06.
Eh…implants…me no like…
Having said that, there is no reason to say anything unless he asks. If you want a guy for something serious, you will have to find one that accepts implants. There are many guys who do, and if you are correct that they are undetectable, then he will probably be cool with it.
In terms of getting a good man and keeping him, you need to worry more about how neurotic you are rather than worry about your tits. You’ll scare off any good man with your lack of self confidence and needless worrying. Learn to like yourself and learn to kick a little ass, it will be good for you.
Comment by Chaco on 05/08/06.
My dear the worst thing about getting fake breasts is if you lie about it. It’s one thing to just not mention it, it’s another to lie, because that implies that you think there is something wrong with your decision. Real friends will accept your decisions no matter what. (My best friend in the whole world got them and told me it was the result of new birth control. I found out they were fake when my mother accidentally told me. Not cool.)
You should not out-and-out tell the guy you are with. If he asks you, don’t lie. You’ll either have a guilty conscience later, or he’ll eventually figure out they’re fake, and either way you don’t win.
Don’t mention it unless you are asked directly by him. And when he asks, you may or may not want to tell him the truth (your decision)- and just say “I like to keep it a secret, not even my girlfriends know” so he won’t blab. Don’t apologize for your decision.
Comment by Pinky on 05/08/06.
DCB is right on the money with this one. Don’t bring it up. Don’t rationalize it. Don’t mention it. If he brings it up, act like its nothing, and even throw a comment like “i think they look great.!”
Just play it off. He isn’t going to bring it up in the first 3 months because he doesn’t really care. He just wants to get in your pants and won’t say anything that could harm that.
Whatever you do, don’t throw out some insecure statement concerning them and try as hard as you can to not act insecure when your shirt is off.
Good luck with the sex
Tampa
Comment by Anonymous on 05/08/06.
Yo Pinky, where is our update? How did it go down?
Comment by Dude on 05/08/06.
I guess I’ll take a radical position here and say it’s understandable that you would be worried. Intellectual hipster (I’m guessing) types may view implants as a loss of cool, indie girl cred. However, any friend or guy who would dump you due to that fact is too lame to worry about. I also hope that you stand by your decision to get them done and be proud of your boobs (which you seem to be). They’ve made you happy so don’t be ashamed. However, you may just want to explain to him (if he seems taken aback) why you decided to do it. Fortunately, he’s a guy, so 9 times outta 10, he won’t care.
FYI- My situation didn’t happen yet– i will let you know :0)! it’s coming up tonight…ahhhhhhhh! :0) I will follow up on my original posting with deets!
Comment by Pinky on 05/09/06.
I’m the type of guy who one might appear to be down on plastic surgery but I am a guy — we are superficial. Great tits are great tits. Maybe they don’t feel real but they look better than real tits — ain’t a bad thing. It’s part tactile, part visual. From the sound of it, your decision to get implants was probably the right one.
If he’s a bitch about it, move on; there are plenty of guys who would be delighted to nail you.
Comment by ibid on 05/12/06.
U ARE A FAKE WHORE SO WHO GIVES A FUCK ABOUT FAKE TITS THAT ARE GOING TO TURN HARD AND GROSS!!! GOOD LUCK MISS INDY GRL!!!!
