I’m a reader. Love the site. I’d love your feedback for this. Got out of a relationship 6 months, not bitter, was an easy of a break up as possible and completely mutual but I’ve noticed I can’t pick up guys like I used to. Before this relationship I had my “game” (as described in DCB post “Tight Game” on his blog) perfected to a T. I used to meet great guys everywhere and could confidently say that I could talk to any guy, anywhere with a really high success rate. I haven’t gained weight, I look the same but I am off my game, I think it is lack of practice and the fact that I am a year older and the same stuff just isn’t working anymore. Just so you know my game usually consisted of friendliness with teasing and playing a little hard to get which in my book means not usualy making the first move but doing everything possible to encourage the guy to make the first move by being flirtacious. I may have added a little skepticism in there when a guy started spewing stuff that seemed to good to be true and I always played the independent card all the way with a little “one-of-the-guys vibe” mixed in there. These are all facets of my personality so I wasn’t making stuff up or being someone I’m not. But I was definitely playing up these strengths because they always worked for me when guys naturally discovered it. I’ve matured and the guys my age have matured and I feel like it’s not working anymore.
I’m 25, I’d love to hear from both of you but especially DCB since his post on DC Bachelor inspired this… What would you say is “tight game” for a 25 year old woman in DC? What works, what is too immature and what is plain ridiculous? I feel like there are different levels of game for 21 year olds, 25 year olds, and 30 year olds. At this stage, what do guys respond to? (If you tell me they respond to pure honesty, no playing games, etc- I’ll take that but I think we all deep down you can’t blurt everything on your mind at all times, everything has a time and place!)
Sincerely,
Girl Game
DCB says,
I think there is something else going on here that you are not telling us. Game is mostly timeless: principles used by Don Juan and Cassanova still work today. Lines I spit years ago still have impact today. Since you are a woman, the answer is most likely your look. While weak game may have an effect on getting a decent boyfriend, it should only have little impact in guys trying to holla and bang you.
You are still young so I doubt you have wrinkles, but did you gain weight? Cut your hair? Change your hair color? Ditch the Forever 21 wardrobe? Do you think 9’s and 10’s have to worry about their game? I know some really fucked up hot girls that have a constant supply of guys at their door. The answer is in the mirror.
Kathryn says,
Your age does have something to do with appropriate game, but the age and station in life of the men you’re interested in is also important. Trying to land a 40-year-old professional with marriage and kids on his mind is much different from trying to have a couple of dates with a 25-year-old guy who misses his frat SO MUCH.
To that end, perhaps your natural “game” or style or outlook doesn’t suit the type of men you’re meeting right now. Maybe you’re immature and seem 21 when you’re at charity events. Maybe you are always the designated driver and seem like everyone’s mom when you’re at flip cup tournaments. I’d suggest you think about what you want and what makes you most comfortable, then spend time in suitable locations with suitable people. Your game should work just right.
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Perhaps your standards have changed? Maybe you are looking for a more mature guy, where as before any guy ready to party would fit the bill. If this is the case, then your pool of guys could be more limited than when you were younger.
I can’t imagine that a girl who is even remotely attractive would have any trouble hooking up with a guy she met in a bar on any given night of the week.
Comment by Pinkyhater on 05/31/06.
Which guys would this be?
One guy will like straight honesty all the time. Tell him his shoes are ugly and he’ll thank you. The guy right next to him will announce for all to hear that you have canine ancestry.
Game varies depending on who you’re approaching, where, and what you’re looking for. The approach you’d use on a frat boy wouldn’t work on a geek. What works in a bar doesn’t work in a supermarket. If you’re looking for someone just for tonight then you’d want to try a different approach than if you’re looking for someone for life.
It’s like high school vs the real world. I know many people who configured their personality for social success in high school but then found that a small college town was too much for them and they had to flee back to Smallville. Others configured themselves for real world success and got daily beatings in school. If your game is configured wrong then you’re SOL.
There was a girl who was a real flirt. Flirted with everybody. Even flirted with me. Turned out she was flirting with me because she was interested. Had I known earlier that I wasn’t just another one of the mob being flirted with I would have asked her out. It went on for ~3 years. I found out only after she was dating someone else and it was too late.
I go to a restauraunt and the waitress seems to be flirting with me. Are they? Almost certainly not. They’re working for tips. But if one is actually interested I’ll never know it.
Check your finger jewelry. Another girl I knew was seemed friendly enough, but I didn’t ask her out because her jewelry said “engaged/married”. When she came in with naked fingers for a few days in a row I finally asked her out and she said “yes”. Lose the finger jewelry.
If you’re working your mojo at work then you have to ask him out. In a work environment the guys all feel like they have the lawsuit of Damoclese hanging over their heads. Let those eyes wander at the wrong time and they’re looking for another job.
Not to insult you, but it’s possible that the rest of your age bracket has moved on enough that the Game you had a few years ago is outdated. They’re playing Monopoly while you’re still playing Uno.
Maybe what you view as Game they view as someone trying to get free drinks.
Talk to your friends. Let them see you in action. Maybe they can give you some advice.
It’s not clear what the problem is. You can’t get laid for a one night stand? You can’t get a date? You can’t get a boyfriend? You can’t find a soulmate? It’s hard to diagnois your issue without better understanding what is “not working anymore”.
Like DCB says, if you look good, you will attract men. But what you attract them for depends on how you behave. If you want a successful, confident and attractive man as a boyfriend, then you need to stop the games and be nice to him. Look good, be nice, it really doesn’t require more game than that, assuming you are an otherwise normal American girl. If you are looking for something more “serious”, perhaps for the first time in your life, then you’ll have to spend more time weeding though men to find one you actually connect with.
Comment by Chaco on 05/31/06.
Games again. What is it with games? You want to really know the truth about “games” in terms of girls? The key is the flirtaciousness, honesty, independence and like Chaco said-being nice but its also like DCB said…if you are hot–your going to ALWAYS get hit on. And like Kathryn said–maybe you are giving out the wrong vibe at certain places. Play up your strengths but dont go out of the way to try to be who you think each of these diff guys wants you to be. Be yourself. Good luck and also–stop looking…just have a good time.
I wrote the post and I wasn’t meaning getting hit on cause that doesn’t require game as DCB says, that’s just looks. I could have a one night stand very easily or a hook up or maybe even a date like that. I guess the problem is after the initial hit on, guys don’t seem as captivated as before. To be honest I don’t know why they were so capitivated back in the day I was drunk, ditzy and a party girl. I think the thing that has changed is I’m not drunk anymore and I like having deep conversations, I did even when I was drunk but perhaps the slurring and the wearing of the slutty shirts canceled it out? I feel like things with guys aren’t as easy as they were before and I bet it’s cause I am going after a better quality of guy, am more sober and getting used to it, and am not YET 100% confident and comfortable with all the new positive changes in PERSONALITY (not looks DCB!-lol). I was a cocky little mofo back in the day, I’m not anymore, I bet guys can sense that. Any advice? Oh, I know get confident and comfortable- lol. Oh yeah I suppose it probably hurts that I’m pretty vocal about being a good girl and hint that I am not so into hook ups anymore- cuz I’m not! I guess that could be a turnoff but to the good guys too, you think?
Comment by Girl Game on 05/31/06.
You know Southwest has a great deal on airfare to Tampa. Head on down and give me a call. I can help in the short term.
Tampa
Comment by Anonymous on 05/31/06.
Oh, well. I’m seeing a few more issues pop up.
1) Most people, guys and girls, don’t want deep conversations. They can pull it off if they think putting up with it for long enough will get them some tail.
2) By making it clear you’re not looking for a hook up you also make it clear that they’ll have to put up with all this talking and pretending to be interested for more than just the one evening. They just don’t want to put in all that effort.
What you want has changed. Where you’re looking hasn’t.
