I am in an urgent bind and I need your advice ASAP (hopefully before sunday). I am a freshman in medical school, and I told myself to stay away from girls because I wanted to make sure I could handle the allegedly overwhelming workload. However, as fate would have it, there was this one girl in my class that I found attractive. A lot of guys in my class also liked her and began talking to her, hitting on her, etc. I told myself that I would stay away from her and try not to talk to her as much in order to avoid being caught in the “friend” trap. So I made sure that whenever i did talk to her, it would be something worthwhile. I dont know if these signs meant anything, but in recent past she would always park next to my car in the parking lot, she would make some occasional teases about whether lexus drivers were pricks (because i told her the bmw/porcupine joke which you had mentioned a while ago), she would come to my side of the lecture hall and sit and talk with me during class breaks, shes heard that i am a great cook and always asks if i would cook for her, and on one occasion after class she asked me what i was doing and i said “going to the gym” and she said “oh” in a really disappointing manner (maybe she wanted to hang out?).
Finally I got the guts to ask her if she wanted to hang out over the weekend after I would run a marathon, and she said sure and gave me her digits. Now, what am i supposed to do? its been a while since ive really liked a girl…and i feel clueless as if to make a move the first time we hang out? should i be paying for her? what kind of restaurant should we hang out at? what kind of topics should the conversation be steered toward??? do i even have a chance with her? HELPPPPPPPPP!!! any help would be direly appreciated because ive dated many girls but never felt so pitiful/weak about one particular person until now. thanks
DCB says,
Well, start by being a man. You should do want you want to do, so if that means you want to pay then fine, but don’t overdo it. Don’t get caught up in trying to take her somewhere you think she will be impressed by. (I don’t suggest a restaurant for a first date because food will impede the absorption of alcohol.) Have you ever hooked up with a girl before? It’s not rocket science: go out, have several drinks, gradually get more touchy feely, sit next to her close, hand on back, and gradually move in until you start kissing. If she pulls away when your face is a few inches from her then she isn’t quite ready. As long as you don’t verbalize anything, you will be straight.
It’s really the girls job when it comes to conversation. I’m sure since you two are in the same class there is a lot to talk with school, but make sure to talk about fun stuff like cool experiences you’ve had and things you want to do.
Kathryn says,
What you’ve been doing so far is clearly working. Can you keep it up? Continue to be your confident self, with plenty going on in your life, not bothering this poor girl to death? Because she definitely finds it (and you) attractive. You’ve already accomplished the hardest part. Now you just have to ride it out.
I suggest taking her to one of those “great find” type restaurants, that has a cool atmosphere and is off the beaten path, but won’t cost too much money. Like Lauriol Plaza! (KIDDING) I’m not sure where you’re located, so I won’t waste time with suggestions. Something with a good wine list. Talk about the menu, what you like to cook, tease her about cooking for her “some day if tonight goes well” or something playful. Talk about your marathon training, and why you chose to do it. Talk about whether you’d ever do another. Ask her if she’d consider running one, and what other goals she might have, or past accomplishments. I think you have plenty of interests from which to draw conversational topics. Just remember to always bring it back to her. She’ll love it.
Good luck.
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Your original instinct was a good one. You want to get through medical school and female distractions will just make it more difficult. But it sounds like you’re already hooked. So we deal.
DCB clearly plans on a use-her-and-lose-her evening. It sounds like your intentions are more long term. Sounds like you’ve gotten the basic first date getting-to-know-you stuff out of the way in class and whatnot. She’s hinting that you should cook for her. Invite her over and make her dinner. Something that goes well with red wine. She sounds like the sort of woman who will help you past the awkward first moves.
Do the cooking thing later. Keep it casual and low-key for the first hanging out - I wouldn’t even call it a date just yet. As always, offer (and be prepared to) pay. If she’s worth her salt, she’ll at least offer.
Go somewhere quiet, and maybe go for a walk afterward if the weather is nice. Read that body language well.
You have plenty to talk about - school, marathoning, your other interests, her interests - come on, dude.
Comment by Anonymous on 05/15/06.
Take her out for coffee/tea or a drink or two. Tale about your interests and hobbies. Ask her about her interests and hobbies. Ask her what is important to her, ask her about her favorit places and things to do. Hint: when you ask these questions, ask them like you are screening her to see if she meets your standards, not as if you are already sold on her. The as DCB said, get closer to her, hold her hand, ect.
I would suggest that if you want to keep her around as a girlfriend, don’t do any more than kiss her goodnight (yes, on the lips). On the next date, invite her over, and cook with her. Make it a delicious romantic meal served with wine. After the meal, take the wine to the couch, put your around around her and bust a move.
Trying to go 4 years through med school without any ass is dumb.
Comment by Chaco on 05/15/06.
Big congratulations go to Chaco, who posted the prize-winning 1,000th comment on FDDC!
Please to note the “prize” is our gratitude. It’s not like we get paid to blog, people.
Comment by FDDC on 05/15/06.
4 years is excessive. But you really do need to make sure you can handle the load before you decide whether you can afford to give up the time required to maintain a relationship.
Take in consideration that the girl is doing 4 years med school as well and whether they can both compromise and afford their time together…! If so it should work well..! Providing one of them dosn’t get too demanding.
