Queen Bee
A writes,
Hey Man… I need some advice. I enjoy reading your posts and pretty much reach the same conclusions as do you. I am the source of relationship advice for most all of my buddies and unfortunately have no one to turn to when I need such advice. While I try to give myself advice, it is not objective and am reminded of the adage that only a fool has himself as a lawyer. Your insight would be appreciated.
I’m in my early 30s, do more than ok with chics, great job, successful, blah…blah…blah. I have a couple of circles I run in, one of them being with 4-5 girls, who are my age, all single and attractive. And they all bitch about the low caliber of available men. Of the girls, one of them is the Queen Bee and has the personality of an Alpha Male… she boozes, is hot, rich, confident, smart and is a fun time, as I feel she is a female version of me.
Anyway, I dated her sister, Kristen, two summers ago, for a couple of months, and the relationship ended on great terms. Last spring, I dated Kristen’s friend, Laura for two months, and ended on great terms. I keep in touch with both girls.
All the while, I was dating another girl for a year while I was dating these girls. It turns out, this girl’s roommate is best friends, and runs in the circle, with the girls I mentioned, Queen Bee, Kristen, and Laura. Having said that, my dating relationships were explicitly non-exclusive and none of them were shocked when they put all of the pieces together, as I never lied to any of them, and they knew not to have the expectation of exclusivity.
OK….
So over the course of the last couple of months, I’ve been hanging out with the girls quite a bit and more so with Queen Bee then anyone else. Often times 3-4 nights a week and she always complains about no guys out there and how she is willing to lower her standards to find a guy. I can hear her clock ticking and realize she is looking for a relationship and the guys she has considered by no means pose competition to me in any way.
Over the last two weeks, I realized that I want to date this girl. I have two challenges and would appreciate your advice:
1) Getting HER past the fact that I slept with her sister, sister’s best friend, and best friend’s roommate all in the course of two years. When friends ask her about me, she says no way, he dated my sister. While it may seem as hurdle, I think she is willing to look past it, if she wants to look past it. The matter needs to be neutralized and sold the right way.
2) My other challenge is I am way deep in the friend zone. Up until two weeks ago it was not an issue but now find this to be an even bigger hurdle to surpass. In order to get the tactical advantage, I’ve taken steps to hang out with her less and not to initiate contact until she does so first.
So, if I could get your third party insight into my situation, I’d be most grateful.
DCB says,
The friends zone is death. Off the top of my head I can not remember a single man who came out of the friends zone to get a bang. You have to drop the logical strategerizing and go for emotion: wrap this girl so up in jealousy that she suddenly realizes she has the hots for you. In other words, you need to bring dates on your outings and make out with them in front of her. That takes a lot of work, so you have to ask yourself if she is worth it. While no girl is technically “worth it,” it would be a fun experiment to try.
Kathryn says,
Queen Bee certainly thinks a lot of herself, doesn’t she? But then again, so do you.
First - do you value your friendship with her more than you would getting a notch? Because I’m not sure she could ever be in a long-term relationship with you, but you guys could probably have a drunken encounter or two. If you’re okay with just a couple rolls in the hay, even if it would ruin your friendship (with ALL these girls - if she’s really the Queen Bee, she’ll get them to hate you), then go with DCB’s advice and make her jealous. I don’t recommend making out with other girls in front of her, but having dates and letting her know about them, not hanging out with her 3-4 times a week in favor of dating other girls and making sure she knows about them…yeah, that should work.
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