So there’s this cute guy I see on the metro every day. I finally got up the courage to talk to him and now we talk the whole way to work. It seems I’m more fun than reading the Express, but I can’t tell if he’s really interested. We’ve had about 5 or 6 rides now together, and I realized I’m usually the one to initiate conversation. He seems a bit shy, but he always sits right next to me, as opposed to across the aisle, and carries on the chit chat. If he was gay or had a serious girlfriend would he still humour me and philosophize (yes, it’s a word, microsoft says so) on the way to work? Is he just passing time on an otherwise boring ride or could he just not be the type to ask a talkative stranger on the metro out to lunch?
DCB says,
It’s all about the initiation. Starting a conversation takes work, having one does not. Asking a girl out takes work, being asked out does not. Unless he is working for you, he probably doesn’t want you bad enough. One of your options is to hold his hand through the various stages of seduction, but I have a feeling that won’t really satisfy you. Stop talking and let him squirm for a way back into the comfort zone with you. Don’t make it easy for him.
Kathryn says,
Here’s the thing about Metro Romances: they are short-lived, generally impossible, and tend to fall into the daydreaming/no-impact-on-real-life category. For the most part, what happens on the ‘Tro stays on the ‘Tro. People like to flirt, exchange glances, and feel attractive. The ‘Tro offers boundless opportunities for this kind of attention, giving you a little extra spring in your step when you hit ground level. He could be gay or have a girlfriend or not consider you his type, and still be flattered by your interest in talking to him. That doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to talk to you above-ground.
It seems he has had multiple chances to speak with you, but never mentioned getting together or exchanging information. It could be shyness, but I think more likely it’s a classic Metro Romance.
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5 or 6 times, and he hasn’t asked her out on a date? *shaking head*
Comment by nabeel on 05/11/06.
There are dozens of ways to take this story.
He’s shy.
He’s married.
He thinks it’s just a chat.
He thinks you’re a flirt and doesn’t take it seriously.
He sees your hand jewelry and thinks it’s a wedding/engagement ring.
and on and on.
I think the fact that he keeps sitting next to you shows interest on his part.
A couple of things you could try.
Leave the rings at home.
Say, “So, are you going to ask me out or am I going to have to undo another button?”
Hm…..I’ve never done the “metro romance” thingy before. Usually too focused on reading. Here’s how I see it. 5 or 6 encounters and not asking you for your number or even an invitation out? What do you guys talk about?
He may think that you’re nice enough to talk to and polite enough to engage in transit yakking, however it doesn’t seem to me that he thinks it is any more than that. Nor does he seem to want to make it more than what it appears to be. Friendly commuting chit chat between strangers.
I disagree with DCB’s stop talking to him idea. It is rude and he hasn’t done anything to deserve cold treatment. I doubt it would increase interest level in him since you two haven’t had real “bonding” time. It also makes you look neurotic. After all you were the person who initiated first contact.
Since you seem keen on him, why don’t you toss the idea of “having lunch together” in the air and see how he responds. It would be a good way to gage his interest in you. Pay attention to facial expression, body language, tone of voice, how long it takes him to respond and what he says. At this point you have nothing to lose. Better to know asap and get it over with rather than WASTE TIME daydreaming about a dude who doesn’t want anything more than your “Metro rendez-vous”.
Comment by Jada on 05/11/06.
I think one more shot might be worth it if you dig the guy.
Maybe a casual conversation about bars you like, he adds his, and then you slide in the some of my friends are going to blah, blah, blah, if you’re interested in checking it out, I can call you–no big deal. If he says yes, excellent. And, this creates a low pressure situation for him to say no and for you to take a hint that this one is stayin on the ‘tro (Props to K for that phrase–love it).
What everyone is forgetting is that most men have no game. They have not put in the effort to learn to approach women, how to read their non-verbal signals, how to ask them out smoothly. Other guys have decent game when dealing with women in their social circles, but asking out the girl you talk to on the Metro, no way.
Therefore, Metro Girl, I do not think you should read this guy has having no interest. Yes, he could have a girlfriend and is enjoying the attention and flirtaeousness, but in the end will do nothing. But he could also being telling his friends “there is this girl on the Metro who keeps talking to me, do you think I should ask her out? It’s the Metro, wouldn’t that be weird?? What if she has a boyfriend???”
So, you can find an excuse to ask him out. Or find an excuse to exchange business cards and them invite him to something after email contact is made. As DCB wisely points out, women tend to think men who don’t know how to pick them up make for poor genetic specimens and lose interest quickly. Therefore, you have to decide how you feel about his lack of game. A sign he is an inferior male who will sire sickly genetically lesser children? Or a sign that his lack of game is an endreaing quality that makes him a trust worthy future partner?
Comment by Chaco on 05/11/06.
I think I enjoy this site too much. My responses are routinely longer than DCB’s and Kathryn’s.
I’ve had a Metro romance. I met a wonderful man and we were together for about a year. It can happen. But, yes, he has to do a little bit of work for it — he should at least ask for your number. Remember, if a guy likes you, he’ll let you know. I am a total believe of the “he’s just not that into you” theory…Unfortunately, it sounds like this guy is just not that into you. And you should be with someone who is.
