A buddy and I went out with some female friends I met through work. My buddy seemed to hit it off with one of the girls.
Ever since then, each has asked me about the other.
The thing is, my buddy is a huge player. Now I don’t have a problem with that–all the more power to him. It’s just that I’ve seen him “date” girls, and he doesn’t treat them well. He thinks nothing of sleeping with other girls, even when the girl he is “dating” obviously assumes they’re being exclusive.
This female friend is a very nice girl, albeit a bit naive. She seems to have a big school-girl crush on my buddy.
Now, is it my duty as a friend and gentleman to keep her from getting crushed (which will surely happen), or should I fulfill my duties as a wingman and make sure my buddy gets some?? I have know my buddy longer than I’ve know the girl, but it’s not like he has trouble meeting girls or anything…
DCB says,
Bros before hos. Why do you care about this broad anyway? I’m sure she is a nice girl, but let’s be honest: she will be pumped and dumped many times in her life. Your buddy is doing her a favor by desensitizing her to the process. And how about if he actually does learn to like her? By cockblocking beforehand, you may be destroying an awesome relationship.
If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you secretly like this girl and are a bit jealous that your buddy is going to tear it up.
Kathryn says,
Of course DCB would pull out the “bros before hos” card. Nice.
And of course I’m going to point this out: you know this woman through WORK. If she’ll be tied to your career in some way, whether that’s actually working in your office or knowing other people in your industry, you need to be careful.
I would suggest giving a very mild warning to the girl AND to the guy. Tell her he’s a bit of a player, but looking for the right woman. Tell him she’s a bit naive and sweet and you’ve gotta work with her, so tread lightly. Then let whatever is going to happen, happen. If you aren’t too Chicken Little about it all, you won’t anger them by saying they’re doomed (which may end up pushing them together anyway), but they also can’t come to you later and say, “why didn’t you tell me?”
That may seem wimpy, but I’m a girl, and that’s what I’d do.
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If she likes him, it doesnt matter what you say…they’ll hook up, he’ll treat her like crap (if hes a player—hes a player and ultimately he WILL treat her like crap) and dump her ass while she still likes him after hes gotten enough sex. If she is naiive like you say– then she’ll be sad, try to get over it, fuck over about 5 guys to get back at your friend in her mind and then find a good man and be happy. Welcome to life.
I’m with Kathryn…be subtle if you say something…be like oh yeah…so and so sure loves the ladies..not OH hes a man-ho BEWARE (while waving your hands in the air). Its their lives…you are a good guy to be concerned about her AND being a wingman. That is very commendable in my book.
Talk to your buddy first. Find out if his interest is legit or if she’s just another cum rag with a pulse.
If he’s not really interested in her then give her a heads up and let her decide if she wants to take the risk.
Considering that he’d be doing the hurting and she’d be getting hurt you should side with her.
This is quite shocking, but I actually agree with Kathryn more than DCB. As Kathryn points out, it does depending on the professional connection between you and this girl. If it’s a close connection and one that will matter in the future, then yeah, you don’t need her to associate her broken heart with you. But if she is only loosely connected professionally, then DCB is right. Let him do his player thing and let her do her thing and learn from whatever happens.
As a side note, do not kid yourself that all “very nice girls” are “naive”. Girls, even nice ones, can be more savy and experienced than you realize. For all you know, this past weekend she might have banged the big black guy who introduced himself was grinding on her at Heaven & Hell.
Comment by Chaco on 05/25/06.
Kathryn’s advice is great. Subtle on the hints to the girl and bigger and more important hints to your friend (i.e. don’t screw up my career). Most likely neither will listen to you but you tried, so just stay out of the blast area when it blows up. DCB may have a point, do you dig the girl yourself?
Comment by Jane A on 05/25/06.
Right on with Kathryn on this one. I don’t envy your situation one bit!
“As a side note, do not kid yourself that all “very nice girls” are “naive”.”
I agree 100%.
For all we know, if they do hook up, the player might be the one getting hurt.
Comment by nabeel on 05/25/06.
What kind of After-School Special, communist nonsense is this?!? And are the rest of you commenters that doped up on lithium? Let me get this straight, Anonymous — as a male, you’re gonna actually INTERFERE with your fellow male friend’s ability to score with a woman? Are you really that traitorous? (Then again, this is DC after all…) You’re probably the kind of person who’d push a friend into traffic for a quarter, no? And within your circle of friends, which collosal simpleton appointed you moral arbiter of who should/should not get involved with each other? Ever heard of personal responsibility? Are you going to police his and/or her social conduct forever? You have revealed yourself as a whole new breed of beta-male wonderboy, and I hope to God that none of my friends ever harbor such outrageous, contemptible tendencies. Right on with DCB’s advice — at least have the fortitude to admit you secretly desire this girl and are horribly insecure at your own ability to mack.
Comment by ribald on 05/25/06.
If the guy in question was a decent fellow or had some difficulty in wooing women then there would be reason to help him out. As it is he sounds like the sort of fellow who has more womens underwear, from his various conquests, than he has of his own underwear. His actions show that he has absolutely no concern for the feelings of others. He might be someone good to have beers with, but clearly, he is NOT a nice person.
She IS a nice person. As others have said, that doesn’t mean naive. Maybe she’s up for being another notch, but she needs to know that would be all she is.
I stand by what I said. Aid the person who is likely to get hurt.
What the fuck’s wrong with being straight-forward? People wouldn’t need the “game” or “rules” at all! And people wonder why relationships or “pump and dumps” take so much effort to acquire. Jeezus. You can have both–easy–but just be real about it. Take Kathryn’s advice.
Comment by Anonymous on 08/01/06.
Anyone who thinks being a player is okay may be a bit niave.It is not COOL and it is not funny,the word player is just another word for LIAR. it is a game little boys play.If you choose to think that is okay, then you may want to question your own character. As for women. Don’t give it up to any guy until he has proven that his actions speak louder than his words. Words are trivial at best and little boys will do or say anything to try to get a woman into bed. So you have to be a bigger witch than he is a player and tell him straight out….no I don’t get with anyone who has not already put a ring on my finger and yes I am that good and that much worth the wait. If he doesn’t wait and decides to play on the side I would say loose the ZERO and get yourself a HERO. Players are a dime a dozen, Common to say the least and not even worth what you get if you do give into one or shall I say they are usually lacking in so many ways. Their need to try and sleep with anything that moves is just a way for them to try and compensate where they fall SHORT so to speak.They think they are special but they are only one of millions of the same carbon copy of a liar. No honesty, no integrity, no honor and no class. Real men are not players and yes they do exist. I have been married to one for 20 years now and he is still an upstanding, honest, classy, wonderful man. He thought I was well worth the wait and we are still very happy and the sex just keeps getting better. This is a real man. One who upholds the sanctity of sex and realizes that it is not about quantity but quality instead and if the quality is there the quantity will be to.
Players normally can’t even please a woman because they are too busy trying to please themselves.They think they know everything about women but all they really know is everything about lying and trickery. When it comes to true passion and the hottest sexual relations you will ever have in your life. Get with a real man who is not a player and he will rock your world. For a player it is all about casual sex. So I ask you, if there are no real emotions involved in the sex how can there possibly be any real passion it it. Ladies, they make toys for that. So, get yourself a toyfriend and tell the player to get lost. Take care of yourself until you find a real man who will treat you right and please you right.
