Hi-
I’ve lived in DC for 4 years and had a reasonably active sex life.
The problem is any time I hook up with someone new, even if I engage in some fairly low risk behavior (blow job, sex with a condom) I manage to convince myself that I’ve been exposed to HIV. I get myself so worked up that I lose sleep and can’t eat and wind up getting tested to prove that I’m fine. Then I meet someone new a few months later and the cycle continues.
Clearly there are guilt issues related to sex that I’m not addressing that I should look into- but my actual question is this, do you guys have any idea what the actual risks are in DC? If I’m blowing white college guys who only have sex with non-prostitute non-drug using white college girls, am I pretty much out of the main groups at risk, or is that an ignorant assumption?
DCB says,
Your behavior is not normal. If you look at a chart that lists risks of catching STDs, you would see that HIV is the hardest and most rare for non-IV drug using heterosexuals to contract. Your risk of getting HIV approaches zero. The real question is what psychological disorder do you have which would make you fear an extremely low scenerio. You might as well be scared of a nuclear bomb going off in front of your face or getting infected by the Ebola virus. Calm down and focus that energy on something more productive. And stop reading internet health sites!
Kathryn says,
It doesn’t matter what the “main groups at risk” are. ONE person can infect you with any number of diseases, regardless of how “clean” they seem or what you assume their sexual/drug histories to be. You just have to keep being as careful as you can - and condoms don’t block everything.
As for the actual risk in DC, I’ve read that the HIV-infected population here is large and on the rise. Whatever I saw implied it was more risky than many other areas, particularly because of the rising rate of infection. I didn’t bother to find it again, though, I’m sorry. I could be wrong.
As for your guilty conscience, I think you should focus on clearing that up. You might find your post-coital obsession with infection will subside.
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with worrying about being infected and taking the steps to make sure you’re not. If more people had that attitude, fewer people would get infected.
Assuming white college boys are relatively clean is where your thinking is wrong.
Comment by Anonymous on 05/19/06.
You are only concerned and worked up about getting HIV? What about other Sexual Transmitted Infections?? You think blowjobs are a low risk activity? All of your “assumptions” mentioned above are STUPID and IGNORANT. Go consult with your General Practicioner or better yet, your gynecologist if you have one. Good Grief!
Comment by Jada on 05/19/06.
It’s been a couple of years and I still wake up with nightmares about my ex showing up and saying that she’s pregnant and it’s mine.
Per capita, DC’s AIDS rate is 10 times anywhere else in the country and 12 times the national average. I imagine it’s related to the fact that our teen pregnancy rate is also astronomical.
Your sexual orientation doesn’t have much to do with it anymore. The days of AIDS being a “gay” disease are long gone.
Should you be scared? Yes. Very. Not as scared as if you were doing this in sub-Saharan Africa or Singapore, but much more than if you were living in Boston or Nome, Alaska.
If you think there’s a chance you’ve been exposed to any STD, not just AIDS, then get yourself tested. One test won’t cut the mustard. Ask your doctor what battery of tests you’ll need to make sure that you’re clean.
Fear is good. Fear is healthy. Fear may keep you from being one of those people who places personal ads looking for other herpes positive people.
I’m not saying the church or your parents didn’t do something to screw you up. Some therapy might be a good thing. I don’t know your level of phobia well enough to make a suggestion.
I think your fear of contracting AIDS is irrational. There are several other STDs that you should be a LOT more worried about. And sweetie, assuming that your white college boy (or any other “nice” man) has never been with a prostitute or used IV drugs is a big mistake. The only person you can trust is yourself.
Comment by kxk on 05/19/06.
…and if you’ve been drinking you should be suspicious of you, too.
So you think that HIV isn’t a big deal in DC? Have you read the articles and followed this story? It is almost gross how many people have HIV in Washington. It is far and away the most infected city in the country. Cover yourself up. Please.
You should look behind the scare tactics and ask what sub-groups are infected. Hint: it’s not yuppies that go to 1223
Comment by DCB on 05/19/06.
DCB,
Making the assumption that you’re safe because you’re not in a “sub-group” is a great way to get infected. All precautions must be made until you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship with someone you know is clean.
Be paranoid.
You know, white college frat boys who only have sex with non-prostitute, non-drug using white girls are not that innocent. News flash: white college boys don’t just have sex with white college girls and vice versa. They’re having so much sex that there really is no telling who is “safe” or not.
Comment by anon on 05/19/06.
To assume white college boys are only having sex with white college girls is rediculous. Not too long ago I read a blog by an escort and it was pretty amazing who her clients were. Many were good looking “nice” white guys. Even better, some of those nice white college boys are closet cases who are fooling around with boys on the side, you can be assured of that. Don’t kid yourself. Having said that, their risk of having HIV is low. Most the HIV+ people in DC are either gay or minority drug users and their sex partners.
This is not to make you overly paraoid, whch you are. Getting tested regularly is a good idea. Asking the guys you are with to get tested is a good idea. Avoiding having random drunken hook ups is also a good idea.
Comment by Chaco on 05/19/06.
As a non-white college-educated female, I can attest that white college boys aren’t only having sex with “white college girls,” but I digress. Your ignorance is inexcusable: being non-white per se doesn’t put you at higher risk for HIV (it’s not “easier” for members of minority groups to contract it, so you can stop avoiding minority college boys on the grounds that they are somehow of higher risk), and HIV is not a disease only non-whites should be concerned about. More importantly, as other writers have pointed out, it’s not the only STD you can catch, so you should spend some time worrying about the other diseases you’re putting in your mouth, and less thinking about one from which it sounds like you’re doing a pretty good job of protecting yourself. Go educate yourself and maybe you’ll find you’re more relaxed as a consequence.
Comment by anon on 05/19/06.
As another paranoid person…I understand your fear but you need to get it under control. There are STDS that you can easily contract while using condoms that its been said 1 in 4 people have herpes and that 1 in TWO have hpv…do what you can…wear a condom and even then–understand that you may get something. You have to learn to take it easy. And also remember….the highest growing stat of people with AIDS is young white women…don’t be ignorant and think you cant get a disease bc of your social or racial standing.
I have a male friend that slept with 3 Thai Sex Workers last year…this is a beautiful, well made, college educated man. So cmon now—lets drop the race/age issue. Everyone is capable of doing crazy things…He is lucky he ONLY came away with Herpes and not AIDS.
And Kathryn is right…you can get something from ONE person…Stop being so paranoid (I’ve been there) and really just accept the fact that life is life and protect yourself for AIDS the best you can…Good luck.
I remember reading on the Youth AIDS website that numbers in DC were something like 1 in 25. Of course I can’t find it at the moment. If you feel so uncomfortable about this, perhaps it would be best to avoid random hook ups?
DCB,
I would obviously agree that the HIV infection rate for yuppies at Madam’s Morgan is going to be lower then the rate at some dive bar off the green line. Still, diseases have a way of reacing the masses.
Here is the graph. You also have to remember that stats concering HIV infection are very hard to legitimize because nobody is going to come right out and tell you, and tons of people don’t realize they are infected.
A low risk of HIV infection is one of the great perks of not being able to get laid. I seem to be taking full advantage, since I have been going through this enormous dry spell.
Don’t worry honey, warts come right off by a quick medical freezing and extraction procedure. If you’ve ever had a “cold sore,” then you already have herpes, and you can pass them on to every dick you suck! The others, except for HIV (unless you know Magic Johnson’s doctor), can be treated and cured. You would notice a stench or blue discharge or something.
So slut, you are part of the statistical problem! You should have asked your mother about this stuff about 10 years ago.
Comment by Anonymous on 05/19/06.
hi- I wrote in the question and just want to clarify-
I regularly get tested for STD’s and specifically worry about HIV because it takes 3 months to show up. I also only have sex with people who have been recently tested and can demonstrate such- and since HIV is the only thing that doesn’t always show up it’s reasonable to worry.
although i agree that my obsessing is a little insane.
also, i’m sorry for the white college boys comment- I KNOW they bang anyone no matter what, but i go to a school that’s 98% white so it’s a little hard to find a girl of any ethnicity around. Duh they can bone anyone off campus but that was my rational.
Comment by tired of panicking on 05/19/06.
Tired of panicking–Aids tests dont take 3 months nowadays, you can get results in a month or less most times. Herpes tests you have to wait 3 months to take AND ask for…I get tested by my internist for all blood tests bc half the gynos dont TELL you that your not getting tested for everything and you THINK you are…keep educated and youll be all good. :-)And stop worrying!!
I have definetely been there- it’s hard not to be irrational when we have all of these messages around us. But honestly I admire you for having the guts to get tested. While getting tested obsessively is probably a bit obsessive, I think you are doing the right thing by doing it once or twice a year or so– better safe then sorry. Also, instead of freaking out everytime you have sex, why not try having an honest conversation with the person you are sleeping with? If you don’t feel comfortable bringing it up with them, then you really shouldn’t be sleeping with them in the first place.
Comment by me on 05/19/06.
I have since calmed down since i talked to the people the guilt issues were related to (I had broken up with my boyfriend of a year and hooked up with 2 guys over 2 months. not what i consider a slut, but there’s not pleasing some people)
anyway, thanks everyone for your comments, i’ve come to terms that i’m fine and am moving on with my life
sidenote-
Um, I wrote a book on AIDS while living in Africa- so perhaps that has something to do with panicking. everyone please realize HIV tests are not fully accurate for the first 3 months unless you get a specific test that’s rather pricy (usually around $300). your average low cost clinic test is not going to tell you a lot unless it’s been 3 months since your exposure. Writing in Africa exposed me to a LOT of statistics and what i was most curious about is why there are no real statistics on HIV in DC. it’s not racist, i’m curious as to who is exposed and why no one seems to be talking about it. I appologize if i came across as ignorant, and i feel like there isn’t much i can say to change that, so I think i’m going to walk away.
Comment by tired of panicking on 05/19/06.
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