Is there any way to get a friends w/ benefits deal going with a girl you’ve been friends with for ten years? She’s pretty much always had a boyfriend in the past so it’s been pretty much impossible up until now. Is it possible or am I wasting my time even asking this question?
DCB says,
Now I don’t know this situation too well, but I think it’s safe to say that if nothing has happened in 10 years, nothing ever will. This is the biggest case of “he who hesitates, masturbates” that I have seen.
Kathryn says,
No chance in hell. Why? Because you’re saying “friends with benefits.” Most women, when they’ve been friends with a guy for 10 years, wouldn’t risk the friendship for a hook-up. They’d want it to be a big, romantic love story, and make you their next boyfriend. When you have that much history, making things physical usually also makes things very relationship-py.
Your only shot: if you’re hot and she’s drunk.
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What is disturbing is that it sounds like OP has been hanging out for a decade, pretending to be her friend, when in reality, all he’s interested in is hitting it.
Disgusting. I don’t think you even deserve this woman’s friendship.
What makes you think that someone who is capable of getting - and is used to having - the whole package of a relationship would be willing to settle for just a fuckbuddy situation with you?
Best friends for 10 years or not, she doesn’t see you as relationship material and isn’t going to risk the friendship to be your bed buddy. Knows too much about your crap and asshole tendencies (all men have asshole tendencies”} to ever put up with that in a relationship “context. Why the heck do you think she’d let you use her as a masturbation device. Get real.
Kathryn is dead on. From the 10 year history, we can safely assume that this girl likes having boyfriends and likes your friendship. If you’re not looking to be the next boyfriend, then she’ll be looking for a man who is. The FB thing would be a waste for her because it’s usually a temporary situation until one of the buddies finds someone more interesting. If you’re first, she gets hurt and the friendship gets awkward if it survives at all. If she’s first, she loses your friendship because she’s unlikely to find a boyfriend who’s OK with his girl hanging out with “that old friend I recently slept with a bunch of times.”
Comment by Q on 06/30/06.
Read DCB’s post today on changing jobs. It’s similar - better to start fresh with someone who knows who you have become today, not who were all those years ago.
Good comments from Q, it’s lose-lose for her. If she is cute, she won’t have trouble getting some new action, and she doesn’t need to risk her friendship with you to get it.
Comment by Chaco on 06/30/06.
Are we sure the original poster doesn’t secretly want more than sex from this girl? Sometimes “friends with benefits” is just a stepping stone to something more. If so, he should just step up.
10 years!!!
(Sung to P.Diddy’s “Bad Boy for life”)
“You aint going nowhere…”
“You aint going nowhere–You waited to long…”
“Now its friendship for life”
Comment by karl pilkington on 06/30/06.
Because I love to be the contrarian… It depends on how close you are. I’ve hooked up with girls that I’ve been friends with for a dozen years. All it takes is alcohol and timing. But if she’s a close friend, it’s not going to happen. Casual friend, maybe.
10 years?! Damn, talk about a Sleeper Cell. Much respect if you can pull it off, but I doubt things will go your way.
Comment by Steve Lurkel on 06/30/06.
Wait, wait, wait…you’ve got to be kidding me. You like this girl enough that you want to fuck her, but NOT be her boyfriend, after 10 years? You’re an idiot if you think she would want that without it being a one-night stand because she was entirely too drunk. I’m with toomuchcoffeelady. You don’t even deserve her friendship.
