P and I know each other via the net for about 8 months now. He’s 30, I’m 26. We are both attractive and live in different continents. Never met face to face yet, only exchanging photos and him sending me a video clip of himself.
Ok. we have both said we like each other, and agree it’s hard to say if there’s real chemistry unless we meet. He has mentioned he really wants to meet and hopes to visit me in August if he can take time off work. And normally, when we don’t IM, he’ll text me almost daily.
Qn: How would I know that this isn’t just a game or a fun thing for him to pass time? He has always said I make him laugh and he enjoys chatting online with me. And we had online sex. (It was fun!) Sometimes, when we had misunderstandings due to poor IM communication, he’d call me immediately to explain what he really meant. My friend told me a guy wouldn’t waste his money texting someone in another continent if he isn’t interested. Is that true because I have no idea how a guy really thinks? Also, normally, when we IM or text, he seldom asks me about my life, but will respond nicely when I initiate telling him. Is this a lack of interest, or is it that he doesn’t want to be seen as probing?
I’m lousy at the Game, so I’ll love to learn how to improve on my Game and also ways to test him if he is really fond of me romantically. Should I not reply his texts for awhile and see if he gets panicky? I don’t want to waste my time waiting for him to come in August and then for him to tell me he’s not coming after all. However, he has said he’s afraid of being hurt and that distance
seems a big problem for us to work out..
Please help, because I’m really fond of him but I’m thinking of stopping all contact with him right away if he’s just a player. I’m afraid of being a fool and get hurt by this online romance! I know it seems silly to have strong feelings for someone whom I’ve not met, but I guess strange things do happen.. And I’ll love to know if long distance really is workable and how. Thank you so much!
DCB says,
Unless I’m missing something here and you plan to move to a foreign country, the sole purpose of this exchange is for sex. I’m sure he likes you, but I have a strong feeling he will be thinking of banging you when he visits. How could you not have gotten the hint when he sent that video clip of him playing with himself? You don’t really have to be good at the game to figure that out. Now as for testing him by withdrawing attention, I advise against that. It’s weak game and will tell you very little about what you want to know, unless you trust the analysis of your idiot friends who don’t know the situation as well as you do.
It sounds like you haven’t gotten laid in a while. Why not have a little fun with the foreign stud? If you are not going to reward him with sex for spending all that time with you, can you at least send him a video of you with some produce.
Kathryn says,
What happened to make you so afraid of a real relationship? I mean sure, this is fun, and it’s an interesting diversion, but how can you even be considering panoceanic long distance love with someone you’ve never even met? Sure, crazier things have happened, but I’m not so sure this sounds quite right.
If you’ve got nothing better to do and no other prospects and you can handle a few-night stand, go for the visit. Obvy, you’ll have sex. But expect nothing after.
If you are interested in a relationship, and it has to be with this guy, don’t play any games of any kind. At the most, I’d try not talking about myself and see if he asks anything at all. Also, I’d not talk about sex and see how long it takes him to bring it up. You should soon get a pretty good idea of his interests and sincerity.
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This looks like a replay of a Kansas/London relationship a friend of mine had. They’re married now.
It’s been 8 months. You think he’s spent all that time working on you just for a weekender?
You’ve exchanged pictures and haven’t scared each other off. It’s time for one of you to go visit the other. Or go to some third location together. You may find the relationship only works when there’s an ocean separating you. You may find that things are still great.
Visit in person and you’ll know if he’s interested or not.
I don’t know what sort of money you pull down, but if the first visit goes well and you can afford it you should probably start alternating visits every 3-4 months. Eventually you’ll have to talk about which of you is gonna move.
8 Months is alot of time for the both of you to waste without having met each other in person. He may indeed like you, however getting you in the SACK is at the forefront of his mind. Talk is very cheap. If he does by some miraculous chance come to see you in PERSON, once he has has sex with you, his contact will diminish quite quickly. Seems like a long distance FANTASY pretend relationship is convenient and comfortable for the two of you. What is your EXCUSE for not having gone to meet him sooner?
Comment by Jada on 06/28/06.
This is a trainwreak.
Do not even consider the idea of “fixing” anything.
THIS QUOTE says everything. No need to read beyond this: “We are both attractive and live in different continents. Never met face to face yet, only exchanging photos and him sending me a video clip of himself.”
That in itself is a mess.
Comment by . on 06/28/06.
Ugh, this gives me bad flashbacks to a transcontinental internet “relationship” I had years ago. We emailed, IMed and talked on the phone for 9 months before we finally met up in a neutral city. We planned on a weekend but ended up staying together for a week. At the end of it, we both went back home and I was absolutely miserable because after that week, phone calls and IMs didn’t cut it. I regretted that we never had a frank discussion about what it meant to each of us, because he was considerably more casual about the whole thing than I was. We limped along for another 2 months and then he told me that he had started sleeping with his hot neighbor, and I found out later that he was banging several girls while we were having heart-to-hearts every night on the phone.
I think the only way that internet relationships can work is if the people involved try to meet in person RIGHT AWAY. I wasted 9 months talking to this dude, getting my hopes up, when I should have made this dude show his hand much, much earlier. Call your long distance loverboy right away and find out what his intentions are. I don’t think you can afford a “wait and see” attitude, because you need to know what this guy is all about before you further commit yourself emotionally. If he’s at all vague or noncommital, forget about him and go online and find yourself a nice local boy.
Comment by DC Rookie on 06/28/06.
Seriously… DC is such a densely populated area that it’s not like you can’t find a decent guy here. You might also want to consider talking with your therapist about why a LDR is more comfortable to you than someone who lives in your area code.
Well, ok so I’m the one who posted this question for DC and Kathryn, and I really enjoyed reading all the other advices given! So, right now, to update the current situation, we both agreed to meet in Thailand in August and have bought the air tickets. Someone asked why I didn’t go meet him earlier, I guess it’s because I believe LDR is too tough and will never work, but yet I can’t help wanting to talk to him as we really get on well and have a connection. I don’t know how to explain the mutual attraction, so it’s time to find out what this crazy thing we have for each other is all about.
He had said if I could make him even happier after we meet, there’s no reason why he wouldn’t move in order to continue the happiness. He said he did move to another country for a girl whom he loved many years ago. Is this what a player would say? I really have no idea.
DC Rookie, I’m sorry to hear that happened to you, so yeah, I’m also afraid that’ll end up to be my story too…but how would I know if he’s banging other girls right now?
Comment by Doubtful on 06/29/06.
Good luck Doubtful.
To me, personally, I would be worried about someone who (a) would get into a LDR without even meeting the girl (b) would, even potentially, move to a new country for a person. Yes, it sounds nice on paper and is a real logical argument but is putting the blinders down and ignoring a great deal of details. This isn’t neighboring counties (Canada/USA), or even nearby countries (Spain/Italy). You’re talking about someone who lives on a different continents, willing to go through the hassle of, basically, giving up his life to apply for visas, move somewhere new where there is a different culture, be an outside, all for someone he has never met. To me, that’s a major red flag on so many levels.
Another way to look at this. In some ways, this sounds like a Hollywood romance movie plot. My take on Hollywood? Well, they’re never accurate with sports movies compared to real life, nor do action films remotely resemble real life, as well as comedies, so why on earth someone would take their romantic cues from a Hollywood movie is beyond me.
