A little over a month ago, I received a message thru My Space from this guy who happens to be a MPDC cop. He is in the K9/SOD unit and is also a volunteer firefighter in MD. He is a huge overachiever in that he has earned a firefighter of the year award last year and has an impeccable service record with the MDCP. I work for a civil rights organization work your typical 9a-6p m-f, and he works 4a-2p m-f, and sometimes on the weekend. We met in person after a couple of days chatting online. We had lunch and dinner on the same day that we met. We really hit it off. We talked everyday either by phone or online for about 2 1/2 weeks until we had sex. The reason it took so long was because of our schedules, and we both went out of town on separate weekends. Another major fact is he lives in Crofton, MD I live out by Springfield, VA. We spoke again every day either on phone or online for a week after we had hooked up.
Then all of a sudden about 3 weeks went by, and I didn’t receive a phone call, let alone did we even chat. The only form of communication did I receive was about 3 messages thru myspace saying he was really sorry he hadn’t called me, he has been VERY BUSY. Last week, I sent him this:
Subject: HINT
i think i got it now… thanks.
He replied, u dont have it….. stop being silly.. i have been very busy and i apologize 4 not calling u back
I replied, your not the POTUS, your NOT that busy. Please don’t patronize me, I’m not being silly. “act like you care” then.
I chatted with him for a little bit on Sunday, again him apologizing for not calling. blah blah and today, low and behold he called me at work, wanting to make plans this weekend. I replied with I’m busy but I’ll let you know if anything changes. I have to work on a project. (which is all true). Now, what has got me on the fence is that , we had great chemistry. Convo’s were interesting and humorous, we talked about sex and about our jobs and families. He was clearly very interested in more than just sex and the only thing we would bitch about was the fact we lived so far apart so hanging out was an issue. Even when we did have sex, for me it wasn’t all that, but because I liked him as a person, I was going to give him a chance. I love sex, he knows that, but our hook up left a lot to be desired.
My issue is , what is this guy’s deal? When I told him that I got the HINT, (if that’s what he was trying to give me by not calling me) that it was okay, and I’d move on. However, he rebuffed that and told me that wasn’t the case. So what is the case?
Kathryn says,
You say 2 1/2 weeks was “so long” before you had sex, and that it would have been sooner if your schedules and locations were better matched. So in other words, you kinda jumped in the sack with him.
Here’s my interpretation, and I know it will sound harsh and judgemental: he was blowing you off after sex. Yes, he started letting you down easy for a week, then he disappeared (probably after some other woman, giving her the attention you received for the 2-3 weeks pre-sex). But then you reached out to him and tried to engage him in conversation, showing you were still interested. He’s now trying half-heartedly to get more sex, since he figures you’d be willing. He’s not treating you as if he’s interested in you as a person, at least not based on what you’ve written. I’d stop communicating with him in any way.
PS - I’m 95% sure this guy once messaged me on MySpace. I didn’t write back as his message was insipid and extremely poorly written. I’m sorry you didn’t do the same.
DCB says,
Where should I start?
1. You are meeting men on myspace? What’s wrong with you?
2. I’m sure you’ve been pumped and dumped before, especially with that attitude. You made an already awkward situation REALLY awkward. Do you honestly think he will read your bitter messages and all of sudden want to bang you again? Men don’t like weird situations.
3. You banged a guy who writes “4″ and “u.” How old is he, 12?
Readers: this is a classic p&d. Notice how attempts to deny the p&d by being bitter and needy only results in more bitterness and embarrassment. Let it go and try again.
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Please move on. I don’t think this guy is interested in you in any serious way. Your snippy comment about not being the POTUS did not help either. Only served to show that you are more emotionally invested in this “relationship” than he is. Which he is CLEARLY not at this point in time. When it comes to males I pay ALOT more attention to what they DO and lot less to what they SAY. He probably still thinks you’re a nice person regardless of whether he enjoyed having sex with you or not. I just don’t think he is as motivated as he was prior to having gotten naked with you. If there is any possibility of resuscitating this siuation I would suggest that you BACK WAY OFF. If he wants you, he’ll contact you.
Comment by Jada on 06/13/06.
So, you’re allowed to be too busy, but he isn’t?
Granted, three weeks is a bit much if there was a connection. One week, sure. Three is on the wrong side of too much.
Maybe he doesn’t think of himself as “that guy”. He just put off that call and put off that call until three weeks went by and, well, it’s been way too long.
Maybe he knows he’s “that guy” but doesn’t want others, even someone he never plans to see again, to think of him like that.
But DCB was definately right about his grammar. “4″ and “u” are warning signs. Then again, you’re using “your” instead of “You are” or “You’re” and you need to be more familiar with capitalization so I suppose some slack should be allowed. Too bad your e-mail grammar doesn’t match what you used in your question.
I agree with Kathryn’s comment - the fact that you think 2 and a half weeks is a “long time” to wait before having sex with somebody you met on MY SPACE explains it all. 2 and a half weeks is very fast to have sex with anybody- let alone somebody you met on MySpace. That is crazy. You can’t expect to develop a relationship out of a situation like that.
Comment by me on 06/13/06.
me, you’ve been here awhile. People around here seem to think 2.5 HOURS is a long wait.
I like that email, though. Subject: HINT. aahahaha!! love that. The problem is, she should never have responded to anything thereafter.
Comment by Anonymous on 06/13/06.
Are you people living in convents?!? Two and half weeks is a little on the long side. Sweetheart, don’t let these people change you.
Comment by karl pilkington on 06/13/06.
It took my ex and I a month from our first date and we saw each other nearly every day. She spent the night several times too. We were together for 3 years. That’s a pace that I like.
I totally agree with DCBachelor. Why go out with a guy that uses 4 and u in emails? Also, who thinks that myspace is an acceptable form of communication for a person that you’ve already met. You’ve exchanged phone numbers, emails, pleasantries, liquids, there is no need for him to be myspace emailing you. I once dated a guy that only replied via friendster, and this was during the beta phase. What a pain.
Chances are if he wrote you on myspace, he’s also scamming on other girls too. My male friends like to think of myspace as a veritable buffet of skanky girls willing to have sex with them. I read the Vanity Fair article. If it works for the dude from Baywatch, I’m sure it works for most guys.
Comment by holiday on 06/13/06.
I’m 95% sure this guy once messaged me on MySpace as well. I suspect he’s just another guy who bangs one cyberslut after another - I’d waste no more time on him.
Comment by Girl Anon on 06/13/06.
I’m sorry about your situation, but I would recommend following the advice that everyone has already said: Forget about him. I think that Holiday’s comments are pretty solid: If he met you on MySpace, he was trolling for other girls, too. Exhibit A– Kathryn is 95% sure he sent her a message. Exhibit B– Girl Anon is also 95% sure the same guy sent her a message. It sounds like this guy is just out to meet and sleep with as many girls as he possibly can. I know it sucks, but please learn from your mistakes and move on. He doesn’t deserve a second thought.
Also– sleeping with the guy 2 1/2 weeks after you met, when you admit that you didn’t see him that often in those 2 1/2 weeks? I understand that you were chatting on the phone and via e-mail, but it’s not the same thing! I’m by no means a prude sexually, but unless you’re down with the pump and dump, don’t give up the nookie 2 1/2 weeks into it… just my thoughts.
Girl, you missed a big clue. You said it yourself - He is an overachiever. He burns fast and bright or whatever that saying is. He needs that constant recognition from his public service to feel validated. And you were another one who got in that line to validate him. People like him who move move move and keep striving for the next best thing are going to do it in their personal lives too. Grass is always greener to them and I’m afraid you were in the wrong yard.
You didn’t have sex too soon or not soon enough, it didn’t matter. Your chemistry and interesting conversation was fake. He faked it to get another notch. You were a conquest to be had, he had you, and now he’s moved on to the next thing. Which, as it seems, is Ms. Kathryn!
And yeah, using the 4 and U thing should have been strike 1, 2 and 3.
Comment by Velvet on 06/13/06.
Girl Anon, Kathyrn, Met him on MySpace — please post the URL to his myspace account.
It would be very helpful for the (slow) FDDC readers to see what type of warning signs by viwing an account like his.
It will be amusing for the rest of us to look at it.. so if you still have the URL please post it.
Same here - I deleted his message. It’s that “firefighter of the year” thing that rings familiar in my head.
Comment by Girl Anon on 06/13/06.
He was probably making his occupation and awards up. “Firefighter of the year”, my ass.
Comment by nabeel on 06/13/06.
DCB,
Saw a shirt the other night when I was out that needs to be added to your collection. It had a guy swinging a golf club on the front with big text under the picture that said:
“I need two more for a threesome.”
Thought it was funny, but maybe you had to be there.
Not as good as the “morning wood” shirt though.
Tampa
Comment by Anonymous on 06/13/06.
Well, firefighters always had a quick lay with certain women, and after 9/11 firefighters became irristiable with certain women. Nabel might be right.
Comment by Anonymous on 06/13/06.
you are meeting people on-line and arranging dates with them. know what your fatal flaw is? on-line dating is a total, deceptive, marketing-dependent SHAM. are your interaction skills so stunted that you can’t talk to men in public? screw that creepy pedophilic-like “doctor” and his goddam eharmony TV ads with your 58 or however many levels of emotional harmony nonsense, next time you see him on TV change the channel. know this, sweetheart — every aborted conversation or failed interaction you have in person is still worth much, much more than an impersonal and crap on-line chat with potential suitors. get the f— out and socialize.
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