1. If a guy you’re not interested in asks for your phone number, how to respond? Is it best to give it to him and then just not answer the calls; to say you don’t like giving out your number but you’ll take his and then not call; or to just say no thanks. Let’s assume the guy is nice, but you’re just not interested, and he’s not someone you’d see unless you happened to run into him again (i.e., he’s not a friend of a friend or a co-worker or something).
2. If you don’t know many people in the area, and a guy you’re not interested in asks for your phone number, is it a good idea to give it to him and hang out with him hoping that maybe he’ll introduce you to more people? Or should you only give out the number and hang out with him if you are interested in him?
Thanks!
Kathryn says,
I’m going to combine your two questions into one answer: I would only give the number if you are interested. A polite response is “oh, I’m really just trying to settle in to my new place these days. I hope I’ll run into you again when I’m getting out a little more.”
However, I will ask you this: are you sure HE’S interested, and not just, oh, recruiting for a coed softball or kickball team, or his buddy, or any other number of reasons? I’ve had plenty of guys who became friends get my number with no ill intentions or effects. As someone who’s new to the city and probably in need of new friends and activities, I’d encourage you to make sure the guy is trying to pick you up before you blow him off.
DCB says,
1. “I have a boyfriend, sorry.” 90% of guys get the hint when you hit them with this line.
2. No. He has absolutely no intention of introducing you to his friends so you can expand your social circle. Only give the digits when you are interested.
I love how women always try to spin a situation in their favor at someone else’s expense.
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So you’d consider giving him your number, knowing that you’re not interested in him romantically? Pardon me… hard to type when I’m laughing so hard. Welcome to DC honey, you’re gonna fit in jussssssst fine with the rest of the worthless female population here
Comment by ribald on 06/21/06.
1) Don’t lie to him. Just tell him no. If he pushes tell him why.
“I only date men at least 6 inches taller than me.”
“Ugly guys turn me off.”
“You don’t look screwed up enough for me to date.”
Yes, it’s cruel, but he’ll either walk away thinking “what a bitch! Glad I dodged that bullet.” or a better understanding of why he’s not getting any dates. Either way he’s better off or at least thinks he is.
2) Nah. You’re just leading him along. When it all goes south, and you know it will, his friends will side with him and you won’t be any better off but you would have hurt someone.
I know, conflicting answers. One says hurt him, the other says don’t. Only in the first answer he’s better off for it.
Jeez Ribald, you’re more bitter than my high school buddy who had his balls blown off in Iraq. Isn’t it time to sponge-bathe the coeds you have chained up in your basement again?
Comment by Anonymous on 06/21/06.
What if the facts were changed and it was a guy that is a friend of a friend, or somebody that is in your expanded social circle? I find that this can be a tricky situation, because it can be unclear as to why they are asking for your number. I would assume that most guys (particularly ones who mostly only have male friends) won’t waste their time trying to be friends with a girl, so if they ask for your number it is because they are at least somewhat interested. But if you aren’t interested and he knows you are single, what can you really do? You don’t want to come off as full of yourself by assuming that every guy that asks for your number is interested, but at the same time you don’t want to give them the wrong message…
Comment by anon on 06/21/06.
Don’t give out your number unless you are interested even a teeny bit. Its your perogative if you wake up the next day and DONT feel interested anymore but if in that moment you are, go ahead.
Only give out your number if you are romantically interested in him. If he asks why not….tell him you have a boyfriend. Yes it’s lying but it works the majority of the time.
Comment by Jada on 06/21/06.
I hate it when people drop the b word after you’ve been talking them for a while, but that’s a personal thing with me.
Here’s my standard answer:
“I never answer my phone because when clients call I don’t want to be caught unaware. It’s better to text me.”
Then exchange numbers so you’ll know it’s him when he calls. Respond casually if he texts, wait long enough to respond so he knows he’s not a priority, and be vague about your plans.
Maybe you can eventually transition him to your Friend Ladder (Courtesy of Intellectual Whores), and some times that’s a good thing- you can’t have too many friends.
By the point in the evening where men are asking my friends and I for our numbers, the “I’ll give you my number if you can remember my name” defense normally seems to work pretty well. Generally, if they don’t know (9 out of 10), they’ll just walk away rather than faking it.
Comment by H on 06/21/06.
Maybe I’m attracting idiots, but it’s more like 50% that get the message when I say I have a boyfriend. I’m being generous with that estimate and it’s probably even lower. It’s a tiny percentage that didn’t continue to persue and persuade after I told them that. Saying, “I’m a lesbian, and NO you can’t have sex with me and my girlfriend, or watch us, or convert me to hereto/bisexual” doesn’t work very well either. Sadly, there’s no polite or fair way to do it– you either have to graciously give up your number and dodge his 20 calls the next day, or be a total bitch (which often involves having to leave the venue to escape him).
Comment by Anonymous on 06/21/06.
As a lesbian who gets hit on by guys, you can’t proudly declare that you’re a lesbian. It sounds too contrived. Instead act a little ashamed, and quietly admit that you’re not into guys. Then, as the goofy grin of realization breaks over the guy’s face, follow that up with (to borrow a line from the L Word), “No, I don’t want to have sex with you and another girl. I just want to have sex with the girl. I’m THAT gay.” Language is important here…”lesbian” is a sexy word and is likely to get a guy even more excited, so use indirect language to get the point across, or use the word “gay” (it makes a lot of straight guys uncomfirtable to hear it, even coming from a girl). This works pretty well, but you might get asked a lot of questions about your “lifestlye” after that…
Comment by Lesbian who doesn't look like one on 06/21/06.
Tell him your name is Jenny. Your phone number is 867-5309. I have actually had guys enter this into their phones. And DC is the most educated city in the U.S.! (Banging head against wall…)
Comment by Single in the City on 06/22/06.
Lying about having a boyfriend is not necessarily the way to go. Because it is lying and I am all about the honesty even when it is brutal at times. However, I have used the rejection hotline number on occasion when a man just wouldn’t let the issue go even after numerous times of telling him that I did not wish to give him the number. Works every time. Give out this number 202-452-7468 and they will get a great little recording about the fact they have reached the rejection hotline. Helps in a crunch when the guy is too pushy.
