What’s going on
D.H. writes,
Hi,
You seem to be pretty on the ball about this stuff. I have a situation that has mystified everyone I know, and would be most grateful to hear your thoughts. Because this is so baffling, I will be very detailed, so I apologize ahead of time for the length. I’m a law student approaching finals, and this has been unacceptably agonizing and distracting for me.
I met a guy online who was new to the area, and we hit it off instantly through email. Our first date (Wednesday) went VERY well, even though we probably drank too much and ended up making out (which I really didn’t want to do on the first date). The next day (Thursday), he emailed and said that we should do dinner, that he was tempted to schedule it for the next day (Friday), but was afraid he may be too tired from work and knew that it being so soon would probably “break the rules” (teasing). So then suggested Sunday for dinner. I texted him saying, well, at least one of us abides by rules, Sunday is fine; but call me if you get a surge of energy tomorrow and want to do something.
The next afternoon (Friday), I get a text from him around 7:30 (so too late for dinner) saying that he wasn’t too tired and would I like to meet up. We ended up going for drinks, and again drinking too much (I realize this was stupid), but things went well again and we completely made out again in the cab, HEAVY petting.
So later that night, I drunk email him. I have no idea what it said whatsoever, beyond beginning it with “Listen up, hotstuff.” Hotmail does not automatically save sent messages.
The next morning I vaguely remember sending said email, and send him a lighthearted email saying that I vaguely remembered sending a drunk email, and asking him to disregard it. I hear NOTHING for a week. At this point, I figure the drunk email must have said something clingy or offensive, but again, no idea. Sunday comes, and we had potentially had dinner plans, but I wasn’t sure if our little last minute drink date Friday was meant to substitute for it (recall his email about rules).
So again, nothing for a week. Today, one week later (today), I call him and he actually answers. He is participating in happy hour. I say (craftily), “Sorry I’ve been out of touch, I had a paper to do this week. Let’s do dinner this weekend.” And he said yes, Saturday.
I’m half-expecting him not to show. The skeptic in me thinks that he must have deleted my number from his phone, which is why he answered. Perhaps he was a bit drunk too, I couldn’t tell. But maybe I caught him off guard, which is why he agreed to dinner, because he couldn’t think quick enough to lie.
Maybe he’ll call and cancel tomorrow, I don’t know. My question is, what the hell is going on? What do you make of this situation? Is there any excuse at all for hearing nothing, no reply to email, etc. for a week? Especially when things had gone SO well on our dates, and we had been in frequent email correspondence? I’d also love to hear any advice you have about how to tackle tomorrow’s date. Your response is incredibly valuable to me. Let me also say, you needn’t waste your time lecturing me about the drinking; I’ve learned my lesson
Thanks!!!!!
Kathryn says,
First off, I’d like to apologize for not answering your question for a while. The tomorrow to which you refer was weeks ago. Sorry. Now, on to your question…
Sweetness, I’m sure you had the best of intentions, but please know this: your calling him and asking him out after he ignored you for a week was not “crafty.” It was a tiny bit desperate. There is almost NO good excuse for a healthy man not to contact you for a week. He could have texted, emailed, or called - all of which take but a few seconds of one’s time - and he simply chose not to do so. You were the last person to call, to text, to email, and to ask the other out, right? Multiple times, even. Doesn’t that seem off balance to you? Lack of effort equals lack of interest. I’m sorry to say I don’t think he enjoyed the dates as much as you did, and whatever you wrote in your drunk email (and your wimpy sober follow-up) confirmed his doubts.
Know this also - everyone has had this experience, and it says nothing about you as a person. On to the next!
DCB says,
You must have written the worst drunk email ever. Experts say that your drunk behavior represents how you really want to act in normal situations. Therefore you are a clingy, psycho bitch. Just kidding, but you are pretty needy. You probably scared him into thinking that banging you would result in an insta-stalker. Chasing him down after he completely dissed you confirms my suspicion.
At least you learned: never contact someone while drunk, under any circumstance.
