What’s my strategy?
ribald writes,
Met a girl last week, very attractive, seems cool enough, same age (early 30’s). I’m generally considered well above-average in looks, am urban, educated, great job, witty, cultured, multi-lingual, own condo, world-traveled, very fit, stylish, non-threatening, not a chump/pushover, blah blah blah… I do have a reputation of having lots of dates, casual flings, and hook-ups, but I don’t kiss and tell, and aside from listing my qualities here (which I’m doing purely for date-related discussion purposes, so please don’t point fingers at me), I do not have a braggart-type of personality.
Anyway, not only did she give me her # and agree to go out with me, but before doing so she also showed her cards a bit by saying she knows “all about guys like” me, which to me almost always communicates basic, initial attraction (at least it has in the past, whenver I get the “oh, I don’t know, you’re such a player…” crap). Here’s the slight twist on things - she JUST ended a very serious relationship (not sure if she was dumped or the dumpee, I think it’s the latter). I have no idea what her emotional status is now, but again, she does want to go out with me. Clearly then she’s either 1) on the rebound and ultimately looking for sex to validate her beauty (which is plenty fine with me - again, she’s pretty damn hot), and/or 2) she’s in need of emotional validation, and thinks I’m a nice guy who can provide that (which isn’t too far off the truth either).
I’d like to take her out, get to know her better; who knows, I may find her annoying as hell and blow her off, but if she is cool and I do like her, what should my strategy be, given her recent relationship? Should I treat her as I would any woman I’m attracted to, dinner/drinks a couple of times, and then try to hook up? Or should I strategically “friend” her until the point she caves in, so she’s the one who makes the first move and conveys the strongest interest? Or some other strategy all together?
DCB says,
I usually have “bunny” game where I try to get into a girl’s pants as quickly as possible. It has served me well over the years, but I always had a nagging doubt of using this game on girls I liked. So when I did meet a girl I thought was girlfriend material, I turned off bunny game and went “turtle,” which basically is bunny game in slow-motion. I treated them like a woman, relaxed my moves, and treated her very nice. Guess what I got most of the time? Nothing.
When you treat a girl nicer than the others, you are subcommunicating that she has value, that she is important. This is death for you when a girl picks up on it - and she will. I have a belief that it is best to get sex out of the way as quickly as possible so you cut out all that bullshit that girls give to suitors. Going slow doesn’t benefit men.
Also you can imagine what happens when you use a different type of game, one that you are not too experienced with. You make more mistakes and get caught off-guard. While I know my default game is not the best with every girl, it comes through for me most of the time, better than some untested game that I have not yet optimized. Stick to what you know, so if things don’t work out you know that you gave your best game. I felt like a dick when I used a game that was different from what I’m used to and still didn’t get the girl.
Kathryn says,
I don’t know why DCB’s answers still shock me after all this time. But the above… nice.
Ribald, I think you should treat her the way you would most women on a date, assuming that’s with respect and interest. And in this case, that means, don’t worry about her emotional status and teasing you that you’re a player. She’s a grown-ass woman in her 30’s who can decide for herself whether she’s ready to date, whom she wants to date, and whether or not she’s interested in your game.
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