Today’s contributor is the lovely Velvet in Dupont, who has cornered the DC market on online dating experience.
Intrigued/Desperate writes,
Any thoughts on finding casual sex partners on Craigslist? At first I thought it was more than a little pathetic, but now I’m thinking why turn down an easy (albeit likely less attractive) notch?
Velvet says,
You didn’t mention if you were male or female. When it comes to Craigslist, the playing field and the advice differ greatly between the sexes. Women have the “upper hand” on Craigslist, as they are significantly outnumbered by the men. A woman who places an ad will have nearly 100 responses. A man who places an ad will most likely not hear from any women. Case in point: For this question, I placed both a M4W ad and a W4M ad in the “Casual Encounters” section. Within 5 hours, I had 56 men responding to the woman’s ad. Zero women responded to the man’s ad. It’s safe to say if you are a male, don’t bother placing an ad.
There are really two parts to this issue: Setting yourself apart from the competition and finding an attractive playmate. Regarding the competition, I’m well versed after my inbox filled up with so many responses. Don’t be careless because you think you are only going for a “notch.” Pay attention to spelling and grammar. Don’t send only dick-pics. A little respect goes a long way. A woman, even if only looking for the casual encounter, will appreciate a few kind words over a directive to look at a dick-pic with a phone number attached.
As far as finding an attractive playmate, you are going to have to work hard to get multiple pictures after initial email contact without sounding offensive. Be honest in stating that you have a particular type. If you want slender, say so. If you want short blonde hair, say that too. No sense in wasting anyone’s time.
Finally, some general advice: Be careful. The internet is a scary place. Years ago you could hop online and find some dates with no problem. Now, there are many fake profiles and people impersonating others. I highly recommend meeting at a neutral place in public, even for 10 minutes, to verify that the person does exist and is who they have represented. Never tell anyone where you live. From viewing my responses to the test ad, a lot of men are prepared to meet the woman at a hotel. Make sure someone knows where you are and has any information you have on the person you are going to meet. You just can’t be too safe these days. And obviously, use protection.
Kathryn says,
Yes, it would have helped if we knew whether you were a M4W (most difficult option), W4M (easiest), M4M (second easiest…maybe a tie) or W4W (neutral). But you sound like a remedial DCB reader, so I’ll assume you’re a man looking for a woman as well.
In that case, yeah, I’d forgo the ad in favor of responding to women’s ads you see. I’d spend a little extra time on the emails, and make sure I had a couple of decent clothed photos - preferably one face, one full body. Be honest in your self-description and in your desires, and be very direct in expressing them.
And further, I wouldn’t limit myself to Craig’s List. There are casual encounter sections in pretty much every personals service, including AOL, The City Paper, and more.
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Haha! Everyone is afraid to comment, because it’s craigslist.
Let’s hear some stories from people that did meet others. What worked, what didn’t work, and so on.
Comment by Anonymous on 07/27/06.
Like any CL ad, the key is to look normal and friendly, especially if you are a man. You need to increase the comfort level.
You’re going to need a good picture. Good picture means one by yourself with no other blurred out/blacked out/poorly cropped out people in the picture, especially women. That also means that you should SMILE in the picture. It shouldn’t be some big goofy smile, though that’s not terrible, but a soft smile where you show a few of your teeth. Don’t try to look like you’re all tough and what not because more often than not it’ll look like a mug shot. Look like the (hot) boy next door. Do not send a dick pic at all unless she says she wants to see your goods.
Velvet is dead on - say something worthwhile. Show a little personality. Make the person feel more comfortable with you as a person, because you’re not some sex-starved freak looking to shtup anything with an orifice, or serial killer. And be prepared to meet in a neutral place, just as Velvet said. Do not offer to “host” or to go to her place.
I haven’t done this, but it’s not a far cry from answering a normal m4w ad - be normal, be a little funny, be friendly-looking. And smile.
Comment by Anonymous on 07/27/06.
I watched the CraigsList personals for awhile and posted a few times. From what I saw and what I’m seeing here the most important thing is to be a woman. If you’re a guy you should be over 6 ft tall.
I’m 5′8″. We get the idea that we need to be skyscrapers because most of the ads I saw on Craigslist, and many on other personals sites, demand that we be at least 6′. Many specify over 6′5″.
Then again, I was stupid enough to listen when women said they wanted funny, sensitive, intelligent, etc. That was a lie so why am I still listening when they say I have to be tall enough for it to look like I’m making eye contact while staring down their cleavage?
I’ve never posted on casual encounters. I have posted in W4M usually just looking for a cocktail date or a brunch buddy and am overwhelmed with a 100 responses. 95 are completely wrong and didn’t follow instructions. What can I say I am a high maintenance princess and have specifictions. 5 seem decent. 3 are actually serious. One will get the date. I wouldn’t go out looking for an LTR on CL but for a casual date on short notice it rocks.
often the women who tell people they’re “princesses” or “special” without being asked are incredibly f’ed up. You might have some decent looks, but I suspect you’re compensating for something.
Comment by Anonymous on 07/27/06.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
– Confucius
Comment by johnnyDc on 07/27/06.
You mean I sent my penis-only pic to your fake CL ad, Velvet? How embarrassing.
Anonymous Quote: “Princess: you are an attention whore. often the women who tell people they’re “princesses” or “special” without being asked are incredibly f’ed up. You might have some decent looks, but I suspect you’re compensating for something. ”
My response: I am f’ed but I can admit that about my life.
