Get your kink on
Anonymous writes,
Recently I had uninhibited, kinky sex with a guy I met at a local bar. I was able to let myself go because we had just enough in common that we had a lot to talk about but not so much that I was going to fall for him. As he was taking me home the next morning, however, I apparently regained all of my inhibitions. I wanted to ask for his number so we could repeat the event (or events, rather). I didn’t because I was afraid he’d think I was trying to ask him for a date and freak out. The whole “he’s just not that into you” refrain was also going through my head which made me think if he wanted another round he would have asked for my number.
So what should I do next time I find myself (God willing!) in such a situation? (I’m sure somebody could psychoanalyze why I’m ok with seeking out a little bit of, um, pain the bedroom but not willing to risk it outside but let’s just save that for another day, shall we?)
Chaco says,
Sweetie, I am engaged now, but if I had met you in my single days, I would have thought I had won the player’s lottery. Why can’t there be more women like you!?
Beyond that, let’s talk about why you are ok with seeking out a little bit of, um, pain the bedroom but not willing to risk it outside.
There are two possibilities:
1. Assuming you are a submissive (the pleasurable pain was administered to you, not vice versa). As a submissive, you want the man to take charge, both in the bedroom and in life. You probably didn’t drag this man home, you made yourself available and he had some game and confidently acted on your subtle female style hints to pick you up and then give you the sexy pain you wanted. As such, it is perfectly consistent that you would want him to ask for your number, since you feel more comfortable following the lead of a dominant man.
2. If you are actually a dom and you adminstered the pain to him, but then lacked the guts to ask for his number, then you have split between your sex life and your other life. In bed you seek to dominte; in life you prefer a more submissve role. It’s not uncommon in the BDSM world. Every interview I have ever read with a professional female dom discusses how many of her clients are high powered business executives by day, then whimpering slaves who beg to be whipped harder by night. As to what causes this…I have no fucking clue.
What to do next time, god willing, you find yourself having been picked up by a player who indulges your BDSM fantasies? Be an empowered woman and just ask for his number! If he is like DCB, he may not want to see a woman again who gives him kinky sex so quickly. But so what? It’s better to try than not. If he is like Chaco, he will gladly see you again BECAUSE you gave him kinky sex so quickly. Hey, some guys like to reward good bahvior…
Kathryn says,
I’d totally ask for the number next time around. Yes, there’s a chance he may not be interested, but if you’re about to jump out of his car, probably never to see him again, what’s the risk? If all you want is another go-round, just make that very clear. You could say, “So, if some time in the future I’m feeling horny and need to be tied up and whipped all night, could I call you?” (Or whatever suits your roles, of course.)
Because you never know - he may not have asked for the same reason you didn’t - morning-after shyness. You crazy S&M kids kill me.
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