I like this guy at my office. I think he likes me too because he emails me and we joke around and he kind of flirts with me if we run into each other. I want to get him to ask me out but I don’t know how to do it so that if he says no its weird at work because I have to see him a lot. What can I do?
Kathryn says,
There is no graceful way to hint around for someone to ask you out, so don’t bother. However, I wouldn’t recommend coming right out and asking him for a date, either, since you are concerned about things being awkward at work. If you were sure he liked you (I’m not convinced you are), that would be a different story. Instead, you need to fly under the radar.
Why not ask a few of your cooler coworkers, him included, to get together for happy hour after work one day? Try and pick a really convenient, close-by bar, particularly one you know he likes or that he might like. If he’s even remotely interested in you, he’ll join in.
Next step: see how he behaves away from the office. If you guys are clicking, say you’re hungry and ask if he’d like to eat some dinner (even easier if you can eat at the bar). Others may join in, but it’s usually a smaller group by then, which is good.
Even if you don’t eat dinner, the end of the night will be crucial. Try to walk to the metro together, or maybe one of you can give the other a ride home. Once you are “suddenly and coincidentally” alone, just see what happens. You should know if there’s flirting or not. And, as you part company, mention doing this again some time soon, and see what he says. If he’s not interested, I don’t think it will be awkward the next day. Good luck.
DCB says,
DO NOT CHASE A GUY. EVER. NEVER EVER. I’ve never known a girl who chased a guy and ended up getting what she wanted. By chasing a guy you are effectively screening for beta males.
You talk to him right? You maintain eye contact? You drop hints that you like going out? You laugh at his lame jokes? If you are doing these things then you are doing more than enough to get this guy’s attention. You want the guy who makes a bold move because the more risk he takes, the more investment he has in you. Of course me and buddies say that we like it when girls approach us, but we take them a lot less seriously, and her obvious interest just encourages shady ‘get her in bed quick’ behavior.
Kathryn’s advice lessens this risk that he has to take on you and therefore his investment on you. Not a good way to start a new relationship. If you want to just have sex with him then by all means go to his office wearing a slutty outfit while bending over to pick up some paper clips. Otherwise, do nothing. He shouldn’t need encouragement.
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Get some office buds together for a happy hour- when you see him casually invite him “You should definately come it will be fun…”… if he is free and shows up then you need to do nothing else except send the right signals by being open to him….
Comment by Madonna on 08/17/06.
See yesterday’s comments about guys who don’t pick up hints.
This is all games and manipulations. Why not just ask Bobby to tell Susie to tell Johnny to tell Beth to ask this guy if he likes you. Or have you already graduated high school?
You want him? Ask him out. No chasing him. No games. Just walk up to him and ask him if he’d like to have dinner with you. Some people would suggest you do it after work to help separate the office and social aspects of the relationship. Your call there.
If you’re going to wait for him to ask you out then there’s a few things you should do to prepare.
First, clear your fingers of jewelry. Make sure there’s nothing there that he might mistake for a wedding or engagement ring. I’ve missed more than one opportunity to misleading rings. Playboy quality babes, too.
Second, along those same lines you’ll want to review any pictures on your desk. Remove any pictures of men roughly your age who might be mistaken for your significant other.
Third, some women make sure to mention their S.O. in casual conversation to make it clear they’re off the market. Some similar remarks about how single you are might help. Disasterous dates, the movie you went to see all by yourself, etc. If you’re gonna drop hints make them Hiroshima quality hints.
Fourth, any excuse you can find to hang around his cubicle helps. He might figure out that you’re interested and it gives him plenty of opportunity to ask you out.
I agree 50% with my man DCB and disagree 50%. I disagree in that I love it when a woman chases me and makes things easy for me. I just assume I have an awesome pimp vibe going on that she can’t resist and I take all the credit. But I am also a guy who would glady offer return dates to women who give me wild sex on the first date, so perhaps I am weird.
I agree with DCB in that women instinctly perfer to play a more passive role and let the man be the aggressor. If a man will not strongly chase a woman he is attracted to, it speaks to his confidence, both with respect to women and in life more generally. Having been a guy who once couldn’t assertively approach women and then becoming a guy who could, I can assure you this is very true. On a more subtle level, the proper energy polarity is established when men assume a more assertive role (see David Deida).
One extra factor though worthy of consideration is that he may follow the rule I mentioned the other day: no neighbors or coworkers. So he could be a real alpha male and be willing to flirt dangerously, but perfer not to get his girls from work due to professional awkwardness.
Comment by Chaco on 08/17/06.
You know… I’ve always been leery about dating co-workers because it never seems to end well. I’m not sure if I agree with DCB’s advice about NEVER chasing a guy, but I am hesitant to ask a co-worker out simply because if you date and it doesn’t work out, it’s hard to maintain a professional atmosphere (especially if one of you acts like a tool during the relationship.)
