I have said this before and I’ll say it again…nice = boring. When a girl says “you’re a nice guy”, it’s a total backhanded compliment. What she really means is “you’re a boring guy”. For some reason, guys have yet to pick up on this, and keep bragging to women that they are “nice guys” like it’s some sort of honor badge?

My advice, stop labeling yourself as a “nice” guy. Get a thesaurus and pick some more interesting words you can live up to…like charasmatic, charming, enchanting, fascinating, etc.

Saturn is dead on. This whole “nice guys don’t have a shot” thing is bs. There are plenty of nice guys who are charming and get girls. But nice doesn’t necessarily mean dumpy without exhibiting much romantic sense. NO rubbing required. Be fun, be charming, but don’t be her brother.

Listen to Chaco and Kathryn.

Women have this internal checklist of what they want. When you manage to fill every point on the checklist the women will be as baffled as you as to why they aren’t having sex with you at that very moment. Katherine said it awhile back. They don’t want to see your penis. They don’t even know it’s on their checklist. They just know you’re handsome, funny, well dressed, successful, good with kids, charming, a good dancer, like the same books, attentive, romantic, etc. but they still aren’t attracted to you. More than that they can’t think of anyone to hook you up with.

What I’ve found works is women who have suffered some sort of sexual abuse in the past. Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t cruise abused women centers, but every women I’ve been with was sexually abused as a kid. One was a virgin and the other two were lesbians. They dated me because I was safe - because I was a nice guy. They also had saturn8isgreat’s brains but I’m not sure how relevant that is.

Advice? uhhh…mmmm … well, from what I’ve heard here over the last few months the key is treating women like you might an inflatable doll. Assume that anything goes until she maces you. But I doubt that you can do that any more than I can.

All commenter opinions are their own and do not reflect the views of FDDC Management.

BTW, great advice Chaco!

I was trying to figure out how to explain what I call being a gentleman and others call being a coward. Here’s what I’ve got. When you go into someone else’s house there are certain standards of behavior. You don’t wander around the house poking your nose in everything unless you’ve been given permission. You don’t rummage around under the bed, you don’t go through the medicine cabinet, you don’t go downstairs or upstairs without some sign that it’s ok. It’s not your house, it’s not your stuff, respect their privacy and property. Same thing with other people’s bodies. I’m not going to get all handsy on the first few dates. I’m not gonna start grabbing and groping and kissing until I get to know her and am reasonably sure she’s ok with it. I’m going to respect her body, her privacy, her personal space.

However, much of the advice I see here, from both men and women says that if I’m not doing stuff that probably deserves a knee in the groin by the end of the first date I’m not a “Man”, that I’m a coward, a pussy.

On another blog the blogess mentioned a recent poll where 100 Maxim readers were shown three pictures of the same woman with makeup, without, and with natural makeup and asked which they preferred. They said they preferred the madeup woman. I pointed out that this wasn’t a scientific poll since they used a narrow demographic of men to ask the question. A larger sampling of men in general would be needed to get an adequate reading. Similarly, I have to realize that the advice I see about how to treat women comes from a demographic that thinks bars are fun places to hang out. Any advice I read here has to be filtered with the knowledge that it was intended to be used in bars and by/on people who have had a few beers.

So I repeat - Zaphod, you’re boned. A complete makeover won’t hurt, but it probably won’t help. Change your social standing, be more confident, be more sexually agressive, you might as well choose to go back 23 years and pick new parents. There’s no “special somebody” that you’re destined for. Eventually you may find someone you click with and form a relationship but until then drop the extra weight, maybe get some help figuring out what colors and styles look good on you, be patient, figure out the right places to hang out to meet your sort of woman, and most of all try to learn how to build a life that you enjoy that doesn’t involve a girlfriend.

If you grew up in India then the major thing is be more of an asshole. Treat these girls as you would any other guy you just met. By that I mean don’t treat them special, they are just another human. Oh and another thing DO NOT look to Indian movies for anything (literally anything, those things are really, really bad for learning how to pick up girls, or dancing, or anything at all). We tend to pick up stuff automatically from our environment and if your environment has consisted of 3 hour Indian movies, you have undoubtably picked up some of their “lessons”. Get them out of your psyche. Another big thing is to change your attitude towards life from one of general scarcity to one of abundance (there will always be more fish in the sea). And finally get an interesting hobby; yes your career is important and all that, but you need an interesting hobby (which is not chasing girls) for your own mental health and to attract women.

One recommendation, do everything to pull at least one one-night-stand. It will help you a lot, trust me.

~Nabs