So, I met a girl and we really hit it off. We’ve been out a few times and everything is great. The past 2 weeks, she’s been out of state for work, and today, she said she’ll probably be away for most of the summer; she said as much in an email along with wishing me a great summer. Should I continue to maintain contact with the occasional email every few weeks? Or, should I just
say ‘oh well’ and go about my business for the summer, knowing contact won’t happen, unless I initiate it? I don’t plan to pine over her, but should I maintain expectations of anything happening when she returns?
Thanks much,
AJT
Chaco says,
This one is pretty easy. Yes, maintain casual contact every two weeks. Don’t seem desperate, just keep the flame alive. Your goal is to pick up where you left off, but don’t let her know this is your plan. Keep it cool and when she gets back, suggest getting together “to catch up.” Then take her out and put your pimp game into effect. By the way, as a rule, the man takes the lead. Never expect a woman to take the lead early in a relationship. If you want a certain outcome, you work to make it happen unless you have proof she is not down with your plan.
Kathryn says,
I don’t think she’s interested. Her “I’ll probably be away for most of the summer” is vague on both likelihood and duration of travels. In other words, she’s saying not to expect to see or hear from her. She’s just trying to be nice, but make no mistake, she’s blowing you off. On to the next…
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> Never expect a woman to take the lead early in a relationship.
And women should never expect a man to take the lead early in a relationship. No matter who you are it’s up to you to make it happen.
Don’t maintain any expectations. Just hopes.
You can keep in touch and hope that when she gets back you can get back together. You’ll want to keep in touch enough to know when she does finally come back.
If she’s off in some strange city where she doesn’t know anyone, has evenings free, and gets lonely easy she may like having someone to call and talk to. You’ll have to find out what her situation is and how much contact with home she wants while out of town. If not on the phone then maybe via chat program. Depends on the girl.
her entusiasm would shine through if she were interested. she’d probably encourage both of you to keep some sort of a “countdown” until the day she gets back, and she’d actively help ratchet up excitement upon her impending return. blow her off — give her the gift of both missing you and missing out on you, and then if you’re lucky you’ll get an errant, drunk text message from her one night in the future begging for your attention. i’m gonna have to disagree with chaco — trying to keep casual email contact is going to tax the shit out of you, wondering to yourself about the timing of when you should send any e-mails, and what exactly the “just right” e-mail content has to be to make her smile. point your emotional and mental energy somewhere else more productive. trust me, blow her off and thank me for it later…
Comment by ribald on 08/08/06.
Kathryn hit the nail on the head! I’ve done that before too saying “I have to work every weekend between now and the end of the year” or the like. Yeah, we hit it off in the beginning, but he was really bad in bed, dressed weird and lived an hour away. What else was I supposed to do? It’s called letting them down easy.
Comment by Mi on 08/08/06.
> It’s called letting them down easy.
Wrong. It’s called being chicken shit. It’s called playing stupid female mind games. You’re not doing him a favor. You’re just saving yourself from having to break up with him. If you don’t want to date him then say so. You don’t have to explain why. Just tell him it’s over and be done.
I totally agree with Ibid. Blowing people off is not “doing them a favor”. Shirking off into the distance just shows what kind of gutless person you really are. What ever happened to integrity people!? You go on a date, things didn’t work out. Shit happens and you can’t like everybody…and everybody can’t like you. Tell the other person it’s not working out and you can both move on without wondering what the hell happened. End of story.
