I’m a big fan, and I’m sure you must have, at some point, addressed the “LJBF” topic…I haven’t read all your stuff, but it’s just a shot in the dark. But my story takes it one step further…I shall delineate.
So, I met a man, we started dating, hanging out, everything’s going well, etc etc. We haven’t had the DTR (defining the relationship) talk yet, but I’m not pushing it. Just in it for the fun. One night before heading out to a concert, he pulls the “let’s-just-be-friends” crap on me. Why? (That’s actually not my question…wait for it). I’ve heard this one before; I’m no dummy. I translate “LJBF” as “I’m just not that into you…actually this is probably the last you’ll hear from me.” Fine. I can deal with that. My confident, albeit snippy, response: “That’s ok. I have friends.” I go on about my biznass, delete his number from my cell phone, and call it a day.
Fast forward about 2 months. Complete radio silence. I’m minding my own business at work and the phone rings. I don’t recognize the number and pick it up (mistake #1). It’s him! Long time, no see, I say. He goes on to want to know how I’ve been, when we can get together, etc. Here’s my question to the guys: Why on earth is he calling me? We never got physical before, so it’s not like he’s missing the sex. And to Kathryn (or other ladies), should I call him back again?
I just got back from a long trip where a fat man kept his elbow neatly nestled in my rib cage. My apologies for being too blunt, but your “friend” there is horny. Yes. He tossed you aside in hopes of catching what he felt was something better. It seems that he has failed and is trying to get another shot at you. Since he was the one that tossed you back into the water he feels he has the “power” to take you back.
Snap your fingers and move on, hermana.
EG
Kathryn says,
He definitely put you on the back burner the first time around. He probably had a new lady he was giving his A game to, so he put you on hold while he tried to work that situation. Clearly, he failed at snagging this lady, so he came back to you, hoping he could pick up where you left off. No, he wasn’t missing the sex - he was missing the possibility of having sex with you. When he lost that possibility with woman A, he returned to the last known source of possible sex - you. Do you really want to be his back-up? Something tells me you’re too good for that. I would never call him again.
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Yeah, this is pretty straightfoward. Just what El Guapo and Kathryn said.
I actually had one girl do this with me, though not quite so crudely as to verbally “LJBF” me and then call for a date. But she was interested when things were rocky with her bf, flirted, went on two dates, but then pulled back and decided to work things out with him. Lo and behold, 5 months later she calls me out of nowhere and she slips in to the convo that she broke up with her boyfriend. I suppose I could have stood on principle and blown her off, but I was single and ass is ass, so I took the bait and we went on another date. Turns out I got no ass from that date either because it seems I was not the only guy she called when she became single! She had another date two nights before where “something happened” and I was back to being back-up boy again. And yes, she called again when things with that guy went sour, but I was happily dating my fiance so this time I got to LJBF her Nice girl though, no hard feelings.
Comment by Chaco on 09/19/06.
K and ElG are probably right. He had two women he wanted to try for, picked one, screwed that up, now he’s trying the other.
There’s another possiblity, though.
If he’d called you two weeks later I’d say he genuinely wanted to be friends. Those people exist. No, really, they do. Two months later tells me that he doesn’t actually want to be friends but he doesn’t want to seem like he was just feeding you a line.
A third possibility is that he wanted to see if you were interested enough to chase him. Now he’s realizing he screwed up and wants to weasel back into your life.
I’d suggest that you ask him, but he’s gonna just feed you a line.
If he is interested in a friendship, it’ll show. If he wants more, that will show too. I say, don’t call him, let him call you until you feel like you’re in a position where you are mutually interested in maintaining a friendship, or more.
Well, i can actually imagine a circumstance where someone would legitimately follow up with someone only two months later just wanting to be friends (and, I hate the word “just” here–in my experience friends are WAY harder to find than bedmates–kitchen floor/countermates, though, that’s something rare, but I digress…)
But, if you don’t want to be friends with him, why the hell are you asking whether or not you should call back anyway?
Comment by flippantangel on 09/19/06.
No guy is going to call up a girl he dated in the past b/c he truly wants her as a “friend”.. I agree with El Guapo. Don’t respond- if he pushes *really* hard and shows that he really wants another crazk at yah’ then he could genuinely want another chance at dating.. but I’d test himo nt hat first before playing the fool.. if it makes you feel any better I’m being put ont he back-burner right now (over these last few weeks) - I am identifying it and if he gets in touch with me I’m REALLY going to try not to respond… be strong sister!!
Nice girl though, no hard feelings.
