When a girl says that she isn’t ruling out the possibility of getting back together with me, her ex, after she figures out some things, does that mean never or is it just to pacify me? She just graduated from grad school and doesn’t have a job yet and doesn’t know where she will be living, depends upon the job situation. We broke up because she wasn’t ready for anything serious as she new she was leaving the state to go back to her parents while she waits to find a job. What’s the best strategy to use to get back with her if she indeed is employed near me in the next few months.
Chaco says,
Her reasoning seems legitimate. Long distance relationships can be very hard to pull off and many people, both men and women, won’t try unless they are already very committed to each other. Would she date you if she was going to be working near you? Hard to say, and you won’t know unless that happens and you make the effort.
What’s the best way to get her back? I have a better question: what is the best way to forget her and get another girl? It is very disempowering to have your hopes set on one girl who may or may not ever live near you again. Been there, done that, and it sucks. Your focus should be on new girls. The fact you are even asking this makes me think your game needs work. Are you confident you can find a replacement girl? If not, I suggest reading DCB’s tight game posts and my own post on this topic a few weeks back here on FDDC. If you dedicate yourself to improving your game so you can find new girls, if the time comes when she does live near you again, you’ll find you either won’t care about her anymore or if you do still care, you will already know the best way to get her back.
Kathryn says,
That’s a tough call. Since she just finished grad school, she is probably finally starting her “real” life. For her, that means new city, new job, new world, really. And it’s clear she doesn’t really know whether you’d be a part of it or not. In other words, when she looks out at her vast, vast future, you’re not in the picture. She’s telling you to let her settle down and she’ll see if there’s a place for you or not. Doesn’t sound very fair to me.
The best possible thing you can do is operate as if you guys have totally broken up (which I think you did, at least in her mind) and move on. If some day you get a phone call from her and she’s ready to work it out, you’ll have much greater perspective from which to decide if it’s worth it or not. Right now I think your emotions are clouding your judgment; time and distance and a little strange will likely give you a much more rational view of things.
Good luck.
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It’s important to keep in mind, she was with you while she was waiting for her new life to begin, unfortunately that is not a good sign for your future together.
I agree with Kathryn’s advice, operate as if there was a breakup.
Comment by Lion on 09/18/06.
She could be trying to pacify you until she’s free and clear.
Right now she needs to focus on her and her job hunt. Job hunts can be long, difficult, and depressing. I’d keep in touch via e-mail and if she’s still hunting in 3-4 weeks I’d call her just to make sure she’s not letting the hunt get to her. But that’s me. I’m assuming that she’s someone you still like to know even if there’s no sex.
One way or another you have to make the assumption that the relationship is over. Get used to the idea and live your life like she’s already got a job and a boyfriend on another continent.
Three or four months from now, you may find out that the imaginary company in Berlin has transferred her back to your area and the imaginary boyfriend has been dumped. Then you invite her to lunch, scope out the situation, and see if there’s still some spark. If you think there’s still something there (be honest with yourself, you’ll be tempted to imagine something) then try sending her a bouquet of flowers. I find that a bouquet of origami flowers works much better than normal flowers if you make them yourself.
What kind of dude calls himself “hot guy”? That’s lame, man.
Comment by Jack on 09/18/06.
The chick is dumping you but wants to let you down easy.
Its over. There is only one parachute in the airplane of love so take it. The first person to get laid — will hurt the least.
Sad but true.
Tampa
Comment by Anonymous on 09/18/06.
[…] I’m sure you’re SO hot: I have a better question: what is the best way to forget her and get another girl? It is very disempowering to have your hopes set on one girl who may or may not ever live near you again. Been there, done that, and it sucks. Your focus should be on new girls. The fact you are even asking this makes me think your game needs work. […]
