First Date DC

“but seriously, when should i call?”



Magic man

ara writes,

i met a very handsome performer at a club last week; he went out of his way to talk to me. he gave me his card after doing a cool trick, and told me to come back sometime to see his show. i told him i could cook him dinner if he explained how he did the cool trick. i gave him my card. a few days later, i called him to see if he could get me into this exclusive club we met at that is invitation only. he asked about the dinner invitation i had issued, and we made plans for him to come to my house for dinner the next night, fri night. i made a gourmet 4 course meal, we had lots of wine- he kissed me, we made out, had great conversations, he did more tricks, we listened to music, walked around the neighborhood, made out some more- we had great chemistry and i thought we had a good time. 9 hours later, at 5am, he rubbed my shoulders and asked if we should call it a night. i said i could not believe it was 5am, and sure. he complimented me, saying i looked like a princess. i asked him to text me when he got home, and he did- again complimenting me.

that was saturday at 5am. its wed evening 5pm, and i have not heard from him since. why would he stay 9 hours with me if he does not like me? was he just waiting for me to sleep with him (which i did not)? should i call him? i thought we had a good time, i thought we had chemistry and were intensely attracted to each other- we had great conversations… i don’t know why i have not heard from him. any ideas on why not, and what i should do?

DCB says,

It appears that he just wanted to have sex with you. When he didn’t get it after your marathon date, he figured he’d cut his losses — especially since, judging from your description of him, he has a lot of girls knocking down his door. He doesn’t feel the emotional connection that you do. This is normal so don’t take it personally. Forget about him and don’t you dare make contact: there is nothing you can do that will make him want you more. He knows you like him and he knows how to contact you. While I doubt he will contact you, the last thing you want to do is contact him and appear desperate.

Kathryn says,

Yeah, that’s not good. If you were a good girlfriend I’d tell you to cross your fingers but not hold your breath, if you catch my drift. And if you hadn’t heard from him by Friday, I’d say no way you ever will. He seems to have decided to get as much out of the one night as he possibly could, and he did: gourmet meal, making out, conversation, wine… But it also seems he didn’t find anything he wanted more of. Sorry darlin’. Remember it as one magical night and move on to the next.

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8 Comments »

Yeah. You were a groupie. I could be wrong. He might call, but it’s not likely.

Comment by Ibid on 10/17/06.



I can understand wanting closure, but it’s difficult to make the point that after really 1 (long) date that anyone really owes anyone a lot of ‘whatever’. I will usually give people the benefit of the doubt, however, and give them 1 ping back because, well, you *don’t* know what’s happened. Of course, if it’s a pattern that’s a different topic completely. They might be sick or out of town or any one of a number of things. It is true that people will make the effort (See THE RULES) if they are ‘that into you’. It depends how much you want to ‘cede’ control. Also, re-reading it appears that he never contacted you first, either, which is not a good sign.

Comment by aw on 10/17/06.



In my opinion, you put yourself too far out on a limb too early on. Inviting somebody to your house for a 4 course gourmet meal takes alot of work- you made things way too easy for him. If he was interested, he would have asked you out, not the other way around. He was probably expecting to get served a whole lot more than just dinner if you catch my drift. If a guy is really interested, he should be the one persuing you. He should be taking you out and making the effort- a first date is definetely not the time to be waiting on somebody hand and foot.

Comment by jg on 10/17/06.



“And for my next trick…I will f*ck a girl then disappear…”

Comment by Phil on 10/17/06.



I agree with jg. You made everything waaaayyy too easy for him. You called him and gave him two choices. His choices were to a) go to your house, eat a 4 course dinner, and potentially have sex with a girl who totally digs him or b) stay home. Of course he’s gonna go for option a)…who wouldn’t?! Make him show a little effort on his part though, and you can see how important you are to him. Learn from this, forget about him, and move on.

Comment by saturn8isgreat on 10/17/06.



Mr. Smooth is all about options, which is why he likely never closes a door, hence the complimentary text upon his arrival home. Give him a week and then forget about it. Personally I think Phil is on to something…

Comment by skyshocker on 10/17/06.



Hmm, I’ll say you dodged a bullet there, chica. I’ve had dates like that that did end up leading to relationships–and the guys were always insane drama junkies who dragged me into their drama, drove me absolutely nuts and wound up broking my heart before I finally managed to accept that they were far too dysfunctional for any kind of relationship. Even if he does contact you, don’t take the bait.

Comment by flippantangel on 10/17/06.



Phil is right…you dodged a bullet. Next!

Comment by mstfd on 10/26/06.



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