I tend to attract certain “types.” I am a brunette, size 4 or 5, 5′5″…and for some reason I usually attract these big, football-player-type men. But I have to admit that they kind of intimidate me. I mean, I don’t know what to do with so much man! Height and muscles actually overwhelm me, especially when I think about the possibility of sleeping with a man. But for some reason, the semi-toned swimmer body types (broad shoulders, tapered waist) don’t go for me. What’s the deal? What do men generally look for in body type? Are there ethnic preferences? And is it possible to overcome my own hang-up?
Kathryn says,
Is the problem that “your type” doesn’t go for you, or that they don’t approach you? Either way, this problem is solvable. If you just haven’t found many guys of the body type you prefer who like you, you eventually will. Numbers don’t lie. And if you don’t ever get approached by guys you like, I say, start approaching them. Often, “big football-player-type men” are more naturally assertive and confident, and have no problem approaching women. Sometimes you have to get the ball rolling for slightly less outgoing men, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
As for overcoming your own hang-ups, I wouldn’t force anything. We’re attracted to what we’re attracted to, no changing it. You will occasionally find men who aren’t your type attractive, but don’t try to make that happen when it just isn’t there.
I’ll let DCB handle ethnic preferences and body type specifities. But in general, the same is true for men: they like what they like, and occasionally like what they think they don’t. No changing it.
DCB says,
Here’s a tip: If you don’t want to meet men whose hands can crush your skull, stop going to sports bars. I never run into these guys because I go to places where formerly popular white people don’t congregate, such as latin clubs and lame artsy lounges. I’ve never heard of a girl who’s had this problem, so part of me wants to think it’s in your imagination. The other part thinks you have unnaturally large breasts that appeal to the stereotypical dumb jock. I’m an ass man myself, but I think everyone knows that by now.
I’ve decided your question gives too little information to be answered to the best of my ability. I’m going to go take a nap.
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As someone who likely falls into the semi-toned swimmer body type, I will say that I normally go for women who are a little taller. Since height rather than muscle mass is my advantage, I have found that taller women will appreciate my strengths moreso than women who are a bit shorter and don’t value height as much.
Comment by Sage on 10/26/06.
Mira doesn’t say this, but if it’s part of what’s intimidating her, I just want to point out that height and muscular-ness are not correlated with dick size.
Comment by flippantangel on 10/26/06.
Big words version:
I’m not sure if people with a certain body type tend to develop a certain psychological profile or if people with a certain psychological profile tend to develop a certain body type, but it doesn’t take long for the mind to connect certain physical attributes to a compatible or incompatible personality.
Short words version:
We develop stereotypes. If a person looks a certain way we think they should act a certain way.
Maybe the football players and other women with your look tend to appeal to each other. Maybe they hit on anything that they think has a vagina attached.
Meanwhile, the swimmers have another kind of look that they tend to click with and you’re not it. They’re probably also less assertive than athletes who need helmets. If either statement is true you need to make the first move.
And, as DCB indicated, you could be hanging out in places saturated with pig tossers instead of people more impressive lung capacity. Be elsewhere.
OH! I get it now. Clever girl. Going for the guys who can hold their breath for a long time.
Bigger guys like more petite women because it makes them feel more powerful, like they can protect her. A lot of it has to do with what they grew up around. Were their sisters/mother petite? Were the girls they went to high school with petite. We tend to stick with what we know and are comfortable with.
I was mostly curious because I don’t go to sports bars that often, but I do work out, and I see different body types at the gym but the slender guys don’t go for me. I’m just not attracted to meatheads, and I wanted to ask my question in an anonymous format so that no one thinks I’m being a dick (it sounds kind of stupid in my own head to be like, “Well, why do I attract these huge guys, but no one else approaches me?”) Anyway, I’m going to be braver and start approaching my type…I just get worried that if I’m the one approaching them, then maybe they weren’t interested enough in me to make the first move.
And no, dick size has nothing to do with my intimidation. I like a guy who can take charge, I’m just not attracted to the bodybuilder type.
