So here’s the deal. About a month and a half ago I met a guy online. For the month we were together, we really clicked and things were going well. No games, no drama. But, from the very beginning, he knew that I was going back to school for my senior year (which is in the Boston area). However, DC is my home, I visit home at least once a month for varying periods of time and my career plans are definitely bringing me back to the city upon graduation. We agreed that we would “take things a day at a time” while I was away. I told him that I would be busy at school, so a phone call once a week and/or a couple emails would be sufficient. We also talked of him coming up to Boston (he has family there anyway) as well as me popping down for weekends here and there.
I am having two problems, which are making me start to doubt his feelings. First, so far I’ve been the one initiating most of the contact (which granted, hasn’t been very much), whereas this wasn’t the case when I was in DC. The last time we talked on the phone though, he said I could call whenever I needed encouragement with school-related stress and that I could “mention that you are seeing me” when I asked him for advice on how I should deal with a legal situation I was briefly involved in this weekend. So on that front, I’m getting kinda mixed signals.
My second problem is related to his online profile. While I don’t get upset that it is still active (I check mine every so often too), I noticed that yesterday he added a picture. I don’t really know what to make of that.
Things were going so great with him, but I am feeling like maybe I should break it off, if only to save face. He said he would call me before this Thursday (when he leaves for a short trip), but I am wondering if he will.
I haven’t raised any of my concerns with him, for fear of sounding dramatic or angst-filled. So, besides talking with him, what are my options for sussing out whether I should say goodbye or not? Thanks guys!
DCB says,
It is pretty obvious he has already begun the search for a hotter, smarter, and more available girlfriend. Prepare to be dumped. The reason it is taking this long is because his game was rusty.
Kathryn says,
None of these things are really positive, I’m sorry to say. Adding a photo or logging in to his account (thereby keeping his profile active) isn’t a sure sign your guy is on the prowl, but when coupled with your complete lack of commitment and his minimal interest in contacting you… not good. Not good at all.
I know you like this guy, but you’re what, 20? 21? And you only went out for a month? And you’re long-distance? And you don’t really have any idea that you’d ever end up in the same city? I don’t see the appeal.
If you liked this post then I think you will like my Roosh's Game Tips Email Newsletter For Guys. It's completely free and your first newsletter will be about how to meet girls in coffee shops. Following that will be newsletters on getting phone numbers, dealing with flakes, teasing girls the right way, handling cockblockers, meeting girls in foreign countries, and a whole lot more. Your email address will always remain private and you can unsubscribe at any time. To sign up put your first name and email address below and click the button.
I was willing to say that I didn’t see any problem until he added the picture to his profile.
Did you both define the relationship as exclusive? If so he’s looking for something better.
I can see how he might thing that after dating for only a month and then going long distance it might not be clear to him that you thought it was exclusive.
One day the bill could become a law, but we all know that conjunction-function.
Comment by Lion on 10/31/06.
Who really knows what he’s thinking, I’m like Ibid in that the pic added a new dimension to the issue. Regardless, he’s distanced himself due to your geographical distance, which is understandable, maybe he wants more but is simply protecting himself? Perhaps he’s a player and you but a passing distraction? The only way to know or at least gain some clarity is to ask him.
Ask him, don’t press him as you have an informal relationship.
All the best!
Comment by Skyshocker on 10/31/06.
K&D: Good advice, both of you.
Comment by Anonymous on 10/31/06.
Update everyone (since I sent this question in well over a month ago): he’s since taken down his profile and we’ve agreed that we are in an exlcusive relationship. Both of these things were not at my insistance, mind you. Due to a situation involving me and him (that would have evolved into my family taking legal action against him), I had broken up with him in late September. But, we’ve since worked things out and are doing surprisingly well. The distance is a bit of a strain at times, but we’re dealing with it. It helps that we’ve both got busy schedules. Ever the resourceful gal, I’ve always got my backups in case things go wrong with him
Comment by underneath the pines on 10/31/06.
Good to hear, and sorry about the delay. We get pretty backed up with questions sometimes. Thanks for letting us know what happened.
-Kathryn
Comment by FDDC on 10/31/06.
Legal action? What?
Comment by Anonymous on 10/31/06.
backups, yeah? realize the guy might have his own backups, too…
Comment by backup on 10/31/06.
What legal problems with your family against him? Something sounds really off here. I bet you are crazy
Comment by Anonymous on 10/31/06.
Thats a risk I’m willing to take. I wish it didnt have to be this way though.
Comment by underneath the pines on 10/31/06.
But now that I think about things, I kinda want to break up with him. He’s probably seeing someone else anyway.
Comment by underneath the pines on 10/31/06.
I’m sorry, did you say “legal action.” Care to elaborate?
“Due to a situation involving me and him (that would have evolved into my family taking legal action against him), I had broken up with him in late September.”
Um, what?
Comment by DC Rookie on 10/31/06.
There’s only one kind of advice to give… and it should be directed to him. He needs to dump YOU.
I mean talk about misplaced priorities. Your family is about to sue him and you’re worried about some stupid online picture? Are you kidding me? People add and subtract pics from their profiles all the time. Why should that cause you to flip out? I guess that answer is pretty simple too… You’re “typical psycho chick.”
Comment by Single Senator on 10/31/06.
Ever the resourceful gal, I’ve always got my backups in case things go wrong with him
Okay, wait. So, you had some sort of legal close call with him that would have led to your family suing him? Is that correct? And…you’re still seeing him? No offense, but you’re already thinking as if you’re about to be dumped by having your back ups. Neither one fo you sound to be ready for a relationship.
No, no, the legal situation occured much, much later (as in almost a month after I originally emailed DCB/Kathryn) Single Senator. As to your comment about me being a “typical psycho chick”…say whatever the hell you want. I know guys like to use that as a little jab to us women, with the intention of making us feel insecure and emotionally out of control. But save your dribble for someone else; I ain’t that kind of girl.
I’d rather not go into specifics online as to the legal situation, everyone. I’m sure you can understand. Anyways, lets not beat a dead horse y’all. Thanks for your comments and have a pleasant evening!
