Comments on: This girl needs some help

By: Skyshocker

Skyshocker — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 14:55:50 +0000

If you want him for the sake of a purely physical interaction, have at it. If you want something more, it doesn’t sound like he’s ready for that level of commitment either with his ex, you, or his current girlfriend, so don’t waste anymore time or energy on a seemingly futile relationship. More often than not, once a cheater always a cheater…

What is it with all these folks carrying a torch for people from the past? I say, “look to the future and live for today”.

By: Ibid

Ibid — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 15:33:13 +0000

I had this long term relationship back in college. Even after we broke up we still had sex. After graduation she was dating some poorly endowed vegetarian and would come visit every few months for a steak and sex. Once we even had sex when he was taking a nap in the next room. She married someone else about the time I moved to DC. She recently divorced him and has a long distance relationship going on with a friend of mine. When I go back west for Thanksgiving we’re probably gonna have sex. I’ll feel worse about it since she’s dating someone I know vs someone I don’t, but it’ll probably still happen. That’s just how we are around each other. Our bodies react. Old habits manifest. We know we’re not going to restart the relationship. We have different goals in life so nothing long term will work. I wouldn’t cheat on my girlfriend, but I have no problem helping her cheat on her boyfriend.

That’s what I’m seeing when I read your story. He’s not serious about you. He’s even less serious about the woman he’s actually dating. He likes you. He’s attracted to you. He enjoys your company. There’s chemistry. The sex is great. But that’s all that’s happening there. If you want a relationship find someone else. If you just want someone to help you vent your pent up sexual energy this guy is available.

By: aw

aw — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 15:56:33 +0000

‘just at the moment when i was ready to actually date him, he started dating someone else’.

this sentence speaks volumes to me.

also, your question about LT faithfulness is something that everyone has to decide for themselves. would you consider it faithful if you were away on a business trip and hooked up with someone? he already did it with you…

kathryn’s point 4 is especially good. the human ego is a very powerful thing and a lot of people like being reassured, especially from someone that they’ve found out that they don’t need to worry a lot about offending/pushing away… because they’ll come back.

By: Quinn

Quinn — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 17:22:16 +0000

“It�s funny how the only time a girl uses logic is when some guy doesn�t like her, presenting solid evidence like you would see in a courtroom drama.”

That is the smartest thing I’ve heard in a long time from someone on how women deal with dating/relationships. As a woman, that is dead-on. Wow.

By: V

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 18:18:35 +0000

It strikes me as kinda funny that this women needs the auspices of love to justify a great chemistry. I guess that’s a female thing. I am sure there are some men that do as well, but I’ve really seen women do it a lot.

Woman: Every time I see him I really want to sleep with him, and I think he feels the same way so maybe it’s love.

Man: Guess we’re going to hook up again.

Funny difference.

By: DC Rookie

DC Rookie — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 19:19:55 +0000

“You�re an ego reassurance agent.”

“It�s funny how the only time a girl uses logic is when some guy doesn�t like her, presenting solid evidence like you would see in a courtroom drama.”

You guys are the shit. Carry on.

By: anon

anon — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 19:42:51 +0000

Wow. This guy could not care about you any less. How is the fact that he keeps getting into relationships with every woman BUT you not enough evidence??? Please please do not humiliate yourself and boost his ego any more. Run as far away from this guy as possible!!!

By: Cob

Cob — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 22:29:24 +0000

Excellent answers; both K and D. Well done, as usual.

By: Chaco

Chaco — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 00:05:44 +0000

Now that everyone has bitch slapped this woman, I will offer some sympathy. Years ago in college I was obsessed with a woman who gave me every clue in the book that she was not interested in any more than the brief fling we had, but she liked my attention and so would throw me a flirtateous bone every once in a while. I managed to convince myself that she was still interested based on the slightest of things while ingoring the far larger signs she was not. So, I feel your pain and understand where you are coming from.

But now that you have some sympathy, listen to DCB, Kathryn, and the others. There is no chance. How did I finally wake up and stop obsessing about the woman above? It was when a wise mutual friend finally told me: “if she wanted you, she would be with you already.” Think about that.

By: KL

KL — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 15:31:31 +0000

I totally needed to be bitch-slapped. Great comments, all, and nothing I wasn’t expecting. (I could almost hear Kathryn’s comment #1 when I was typing).

For the record, V, I don’t need love to justify chemistry, I don’t think that everyone I have chemistry with is in love with me or vice versa. I can’t have a purely physical relationship with Ron because I’ll fall for him (more? again?) if I sleep with him. So right now I’d rather sleep with someone I won’t fall for. (unless he will fall for me too) Which I am doing.

A couple of days ago Ron offered me a job working in his department. I told him it would be great to work with him or at the same organization, but not under him, so to speak.

It was a big eye-opener because I realized that it means he wants to keep me around, but not have any kind of relationship with me. I’m not over him yet, but I’m on my way.

Y’all helped a lot. No more Ron.