I don’t know what I want, but maybe FDDC knows
La di da writes,
So i dated this guy about five months ago. We dated for only four months (and only saw each other about once a week). It never got overly serious, but it was exclusive (I am SURE about that, no question)…mostly because he was scared to be serious since he “lost himself” with his last girlfriend (THREE years ago). I broke up with him because I hated how little we saw of each other and I felt like his heart wasn’t in it completely. Looking back, I wonder if it was my insecurity holding the relationship back. Maybe I was expecting too much too soon. He was as nice as can be, always called when he said, we saw each other at least once a week, he didnt want to be with anyone else, and he was honest and up front.
Anyway, we broke up, but he said we should take a “break” and see how we feel- not close any doors. We are still in touch. We probably talk about once a week (mutually initiated), and see each other once a month, sometimes less (usually initiated by me, but usually he is way into it). Three weeks after we broke up I said that maybe I was rushing my expectations of our relationship and we should try again…but he said that I was right about how we shouldnt date if he never wants to be serious with anyone and he shouldnt be dating anyone right now. He has stuck to that and hasnt dated anyone in the last five months. I have, but I still miss him. I didnt even think I liked him that much and I wonder if I’m just attached…but I still get SO happy to hear from him and look forward to seeing him like none other- yet i can’t imagine spending my life with him.
We’ve hooked up once since the breakup and he said he didnt want to go down that road because he feels like it isnt a good idea. He still feels like he doesnt want to date anyone. He doesnt want no strings attached because “i am too good for that.” He also says he’s never kept in touch with an ex gf before and isnt sure why we are still in touch, and he has done some really nice things for me including painting my apt at no cost.
What the hell is going on here? should i pursue this? should i cut it off? is there any way for me to get him to realize he should give us another shot? why are we still in touch like this? we definitely aren’t ‘friends’…we dont talk about dating others, etc. I am 26 by the way, maybe I am too old to pursue something like this. There’s just some kind of gut feeling that nags at me thinking that this isn’t over yet- but the whole time we dated i was never ALL about him- but i also felt like he was really holding back, that I never got the real him. Sorry this is so long. Anyway, we’ve been talking more lately and i feel like MAYBE something has changed but i cant tell if im just being a girl and reading into things. I don’t want to beg him to date me again, but i feel like something is there and i dont want to let it go either. any thoughts?
Kathryn says,
You already know what the “something” is that you’re feeling - insecurity and doubt. You didn’t like him that much and you don’t see any kind of real future with him. You only get excited by his calls and his assistance because it’s attention from the opposite sex, which I’m guessing you aren’t getting anywhere else right now.
I would suggest you assess whether you really do value his friendship, with no chance of dating and no romantic ideas. If and only if you do like him as a person and feel you guys could have a solid, reciprocal friendship, stay in touch with him.
DCB says,
It’s questions like this that make me want to experiment with homosexuality. YOU dumped him and YOU can’t imagine spending your life with him yet you are trying to analyze his obscure ramblings to see if you two have a chance? Really, does it even matter? You sound like you would be unhappy either way because of mental issues you have going on. I hope he finds another girl and dumps your ass permanently. Maybe that would make the decision easier for you.
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