Lead on
Two at a Time? writes,
I moved to DC in September but was here in May for two weeks. During that time, I went out a few times with Boy #1. It was the hottest kissing ever, but we decided not to sleep together at that time and said we’d reconnect when I moved here permanently.
We kept in touch via email over the summer, but after I sent him my new DC number, he didn’t call. I was very disappointed but moved on, figuring his interest had waned. Then a week ago, I got an email from him saying: Why aren’t you returning my calls? Turns out he had been calling my old phone number for about a month, confused as to why I was ignoring him. So, we laughed off our missed connection and decided to have dinner.
Meanwhile, I had met someone else here (Boy #2). We’ve been seeing each other for about three weeks and have slept together. Ahead of my dinner with Boy #1, I sent him an email noting that I was seeing someone else and we could be friends, but I really wanted to see him. He didn’t get the email. So, at the end of our dinner, he tried to ask me out, and I awkwardly had to tell him about my new boy. He seemed really surprised and said: “Well, I see you felt this was important to mention so it must be serious — it wasn’t like I was going to propose right now or anything but I guess I shouldn’t call you again.” I didn’t know what to say. I have never dated two people at the same time, so I thought it was polite to tell a guy with certain expectations that I was essentially sleeping with someone else. I would have been fine being friends but I know guys don’t necessarily want that. So, he sort of rushed off, leaving me with the distinct impression that I would never hear from him again. He said the equivalent of “have a nice life.”
A day later, I am out with Boy #2 and get a text message from Boy #1, asking if I want to go out again and thanking me for coming out to dinner the night before. HUH??? I thought I had witnessed him basically fleeing from my life as fast as he could.
I don’t get it. Is he wanting to be friends in case it doesn’t work out with Boy #2? I confess the same thought was in my head, but I don’t want to lead anyone on and it’s going well right now with my new man.
DCB says,
How do you decide not to sleep with each other? I’d love to be in on that conversation, where you two are going back and forth with pros on cons on whether you should be penetrated.
Boy one now sees you as nothing more than a receptable, so he just wants to bang you. It took him a day to think about it. Sometimes it takes us a while to figure things out.
Kathryn says,
So in a perfect world, you would keep dating boy one and boy two would just be a friend? Or do you hope, if things didn’t work out with boy one, that boy two would step right in and take over?
To me, it sounds like the latter is the case, and I’m sure he realized the same thing. I think if he thinks he has a chance, he’ll go for it. Which he did. What you have to do is decide what YOU want, and go for that.
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