In our endless efforts to help others and entertain you (and ourselves), FDDC has decided to start a new feature: Love Guerrillas. Once a week, we will find a blog post in which we hear a faint cry for our help, and answer it here.
…What started out as what I thought would be my first-ever one night stand has progressed into dinner, drinks, and sex, once or twice a week, accompanied by daily conversations and texting throughout the day… There is another girl who in fact works in our same circles, thus complicating things…
Okay guys here is a lesson for you: this girl knows her guy is fucking some other girl yet she is still very hung up on him. He is in control, upfront with his needs, and playing her just enough to continue getting sex without having to commit. In other words he is a player so his actions must be commended, for if he were to show any weakness she would start string him with games for a couple weeks until finally kicking him to the curb for Stan from happy hour.
I do think there is slightly more than “friends with benefits” here; when I have had them I don’t recall ever calling more than enough to continue a steady supply of late-night sex. Dinner and drinks? Waste of money and time. While this guy does like her, I think she knows he will never commit to her.
Kathryn says,
In his failed marriage, did he cheat on his wife? If so… he’s continuing this behavior. Did she cheat on him? If so… he could be wanting to play the field so he doesn’t feel like a sucker for sticking with a woman who could be seeing other men. I know that’s pretty basic dimestore psychology, but that’s because it’s probably true.
Anyway, motivation, behavioral patterns, and past hurts aside, he is clearly interested in more than just sex with you. However, his interest is not so strong that he’ll stop seeing a girl he doesn’t really like. Eventually, won’t that make you feel pretty undesirable in general? I think you should preserve your dignity and back off. He’s already told you he can’t commit right now, and you seem to want that. I wouldn’t settle for what he’s giving you, and I am certain you can’t fake being okay with what he does give you much longer.
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Are you kidding me? Contrary to what you two seem to believe, the blogging world does not revolve around Kathryn and DCB. No one likes unsolicitied advice and here you two go, trolling the blog world looking to give just that. Based upon this new and oh so brilliant idea along with yesterday’s posting on KathrynOn, here’s some unsolcitied advice for you, Kathryn (and DCB by association) - Grow the hell up.
Betcha a Coke that when he’s with the other girl he’s telling her that he’s not into this girl, too much baggage, can’t see it going anywhere, etc.
If it’s taking a month or more for the questions submitted to you to reach the blog you might want to rethink the idea of taking on dating problems from other sites.
The point of a public blog is for the public to digest it, or else why would you post it? and please, the “for my friends” excuse is played out.
You know you love the attention, and, well, we’re giving you what you want.
Comment by DCB on 11/03/06.
I agree with DCB- if you don’t want people to comment about your love life, than don’t have a blog. If you put it out there, you better be ready to take some heat.
Comment by me on 11/03/06.
The fact that he’s even talking to you abotu her (even negatively) says to me that he’s hung up on her. I don’t understand this whole “let’s be completely honest” thing with FWB situations. You get either the friend, or the sex. You don’t have both. And I really, really dislike that he’s speaking negatively of her to you. Bet your ass he’s trash talkingyou to her. It’s a game. He wants you to think that you’re in first place so that you’ll work harder to stay there. What a dick. He’s playign boyfriend but he’s not really your boyfriend because he’s sleeping with someone else.
This “friends with benefits” thing is such a myth.
The best no-strings-attached arrangements are with people you can barely stand outside of the bedroom. No muss, no fuss.
Comment by DC Rookie on 11/03/06.
And look at your statement: “and for the first time on Wednesday, actually blew off guy buddies to see me alone.” Making a date with someone, especially if you know (hell, even think) you’ll be getting some is not ‘blowing off your friends’; it’s called having priorities. You should be thinking about why you’re surprised he wants to hang out with the boys, and this FWB he slags instead of ‘benefiting’ with you.
Comment by KnowNuthin on 11/03/06.
“The point of a public blog is for the public to digest it, or else why would you post it?”
LOL….is this Kathryn’s view as well?
Comment by mhm on 11/06/06.
[…] Next up in our ongoing series of guerrilla advice is none other than Grateful Dating’s Jamy. In her recent post “Interesting,” Jamy discusses a significant other’s role in taking care of you when you’re sick. Excerpt: I said, “No. I’m not kidding. That’s the whole point. That’s your job.” […]
