I get people throwing birthday parties for me. I hate birthday parties. I try explaining this very slowly and clearly to people but they insist that I don’t mean it and am hinting for them to throw me a party. I have to explain not only that I don’t want one but that I REALLY don’t want one and then yet again that I’m completely serious about not wanting one and will be very irate if they show up with a cake. Even after all that my boss damn near had to body check a coworker who insisted I was just looking for someone to throw me a party.
If you REALLY want to do something for my birthday just don’t mention it at all and give me a shoulder massage.

By the time I was in high school, my parents didn’t even stay home with me when I was sick. They just called and tried to check in. I don’t think that asking for help necessarily shows weakness (that’s ridiculous), but I am more of the mind that when I’m sick, I want to be left alone with my misery to heal. Owen might be like that, too.

However, if someone says they are sick, my first inclination is to always offer assistance. There’s a line between dropping everything and being helpful and saying ‘hey, would you like me to drop by with some OJ after work?’

For me, though, the reality is that I simply do not get sick - my entire ’sick’ leave for the past 5 years has consisted of one day in spring and one day in fall when I get the sneezes… and I would not ask or expect anyone to take a day off of what they are doing to comfort me. I’ll put together my legos and keep myself occupied.

‘girl’ seems to be of a similar mindset as me…. it seems to be asking quite a lot more of someone than can reasonably be expected.

I think most of you all are being rather harsh on Jamy. Generally she doesn’t come off as being high maintenance or overly needy. Unfortunately, I think what is happening is that the writing is on the wall for this relationship, and she is trying hard to ignore it. Thus she is acting a little irrationally.

It looks to me that Owen has a pattern: he is willing to spend time with her on the weekends and not much more. He shows Jamy just enough to suggest that he is interested, that he cares, but has not stepped up and moved the relationship forward. They have been dating for a while now. She says that she wants more interaction with him during the week; he hasn’t moved forward with it. According to the latest post, it seems that she is now trying to want less from him for the time being (he is busy, he is maxed out) in the hopes that later on, he will want and do more. This is rarely a successful strategy. It would probably be better to state what she wants, and if he doesn’t negotiate it so that both of them are happy, or if he doesn’t follow through, she can move on knowing she tried.

To me, his not contacting her when he knew she was sick is a major red flag. It really looks to me that Owen is interesting in a casual relationship, whereas Jamy wants a serious relationship. He is not caring for her in the way that she wants (phoning during the week, more contact, being able to count on him to be there for her.) His actions do not show a level of caring for her beyond a basic level.

Anyway, this internet analysis goes way beyond the post (and is worth about as much as it cost me to write it- nothing). Jamy is a smart woman; I hope she gets the relationship she wants, either with Owen if he steps it up, or with someone else.

Some women these days…

Putting that knowledge into practice then requires us to look at our motivations when we interact - “Am I doing/saying this because it is truly what my partner would appreciate most at this moment, or because it’s what I’d want my partner to do/say for me? Am I actually doing this for him/her or to satisfy some need of my own?” (The blogger seems to need to care for a sick partner even if he doesn’t want her style of care, which seems to feed her ego more than it strengthens the relationship.)

And how cynical are people that a little generosity is considered being egotistical? God forbid someone do something genuinely NICE for anyone else, especially a significant other.

anyone there?