“I caught you making out with the bottom of the BBQ! How could you?”
“I’m sorry, Dear. I know it’s covered in ash and rust and charred meat drippings, but it tastes better than the inside of your mouth.”

First, you need to let him know that his smoking is a problem for you. You need to understand why it’s a problem for you to help determine how you two will cope. If it’s how it makes the place smell then you start by giving him a place to go smoke outside. If it’s your concern for his health then you need to understand that the problem is yours, not his. If it’s your health then tell him he can’t smoke around you. If it’s how he tastes then you’ll have to work together to get him to cut back.

If he’s willing to cut back give him a bag of lollypops to help him overcome the psychological oral addiction. You can distract him from the chemical dependency by performing sexual favors. It should help prolong the time between cigarettes.

But yeah, he’s gonna have to want to quit.

Anyway- I’ve tried to focus less on the “what’s wrong” issues and more on how the individual makes me feel. I don’t mind being over 30, but I do mind that it gets harder and harder to connect. I’m willing to forgive a whole lot more than I used to!

I agree with Kathryn. You need to talk to him about it and let him know that it is a dealbreaker for you. Then it’s up to him to decide if he wants to quit. I once met a guy that wanted to take me out. He was smoking at the time, and I told him I don’t date smokers. He said that if we started dating, that he would quit. He did. Within 2-3 weeks of our dating, and didn’t smoke again for the remainder of our 2+ year relationship. Who knows, he may be looking for a motivating reason to quit, and that reason might be you.

My big one is about spawning ambitions. If she wants kids someday then there’s no way our relationship can work. Today is the 6th anniversary of my vasectomy. I had to get that done just to prove that I’m serious about this. None of that “you’ll change your mind for the right woman” or “once I have his kid he’ll love it” crap.
For some people Herpes (or other STDS) is the dealbreaker. “There’s a possiblity that I could develop genital lesions from having sex with you? Then we have a problem.”
For some the dealbreaker is if that person has ever supported George Bush.
For some the dealbreaker is being a born again Christian or refusing to convert to their faith.
Smoking is a pretty good one. I was able to put up with a SO who had a one pack a month habit. The girl next door smokes one cigarette each night. That’s about all the tolerance I have for smoking in someone I’m supposed to kiss. I can hang around smokers, but kissing them is another story.

All of the symptoms people complain about with smokers can be cured by smoking outside, cutting back your intake, and using mints after smoking and brushing your teeth before you kiss someone. Smoking outside also eliminates second-hand smoke dangers for those of you who are health-phobes. Besides, smoking 5 or less cigarettes a day has no provable statistical impact on a person’s health. So, instead of demanding your guy quit, why don’t you start making compromises and ask him to start cutting back to a level that you can tolerate. Everyone has a vice, and an otherwise perfect smoker is a pretty amazing find.

My ex husband tried to make me quit, but it didn’t work. *I* had to want it.

Nowadays, I don’t like smoking. I even get turned off when my friend asks me to hold her cigarette for her while she digs in her purse. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker for me, but the smoking dude would have to be pretty freakin awesome for me to take him seriously.

And if smoking is really a drain on your time, money, or energy, I suspect you have much bigger problems. Most people spend way more at Starbucks than I spend on cigarettes.

When you find out someone does one of these habits, tell them that it’s not going to work out long-term for that reason. Being upfront and honest is being mature.

Perhaps at this early stage in things, sure, she shouldn’t really harp on it too much. But, when things look to be getting serious, she should maybe ask him, in a non-confrontational way, if he’s ever considered stopping smoking? The thing is…when people have addictions to some things, such as smoking, they secretly (sometimes, not always) want a reason to stop. At that point in the relationship, he’ll probably see how much it bothers her and want to stop. Not only for her, but because deep down, he might want to as well. She just provides an external element to the process.

Smoking doesn’t make a person bad. Its not a character flaw. And so therefore smoking, in and of itself, shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. The dealbreaker should be someone’s refusing to quit. That is the real issue at hand.

My advice to her would be to keep spending time with him and see what happens. But please do not listen to Roosh. I often question the legitimacy and value of his so-called advice, but this response by him really irked me today for its lack of understanding and sheer stupidity.

Moral of the story: For some poeple, it’s a control issue. Ask him nicely, find a way to to compromise so that your particular problems with smoking are addressed, and then drop it. This guy, like all people, is a mix bag of positives and negatives. Either they add up to a positive number and you go with it, or they don’t and you end it.

Another thought, maybe you have a habit/addiction that he hates, and you can agree to a mutual improvement. That way, it’s not just him sacrificing something.

Seroquel xr….