Comments on: Move in or move on http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on "but seriously, when should i call?" Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:44:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.1.3 By: Skyshocker http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10721 Skyshocker Wed, 15 Nov 2006 14:57:26 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10721 Whatever works, there is no cookie cutter for relationships, bring it up and see how it goes and as Kathryn says make certain to set-up how great things are and your feelings, I would even spin it into a financial decision, saving money so that you can have more disposable income for trips, nights out, etc. Good luck! Whatever works, there is no cookie cutter for relationships, bring it up and see how it goes and as Kathryn says make certain to set-up how great things are and your feelings, I would even spin it into a financial decision, saving money so that you can have more disposable income for trips, nights out, etc.

Good luck!

]]> By: tampa http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10722 tampa Wed, 15 Nov 2006 14:59:29 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10722 I think DCB is saying "relax" -- things will work themselves out. Nothing -- I mean nothing will scare a guy away more then the "talk" you are about to lay on him. Just chill. If anything, pull back a little bit. Relax. Enjoy the fact that you are in a healthy relationship. I think DCB is saying “relax” — things will work themselves out. Nothing — I mean nothing will scare a guy away more then the “talk” you are about to lay on him. Just chill. If anything, pull back a little bit. Relax. Enjoy the fact that you are in a healthy relationship.

]]> By: klo http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10724 klo Wed, 15 Nov 2006 15:58:55 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10724 I think it's okay to bring up your future if it's been on your mind a lot lately. But it sounds like maybe you're just feeling some outside pressure -"should" you be thinking about moving in together? No. You don't haveta should do or feel anything just because some "other" force thinks you should. If that's true, you're just feeling like you should, then forget about it. Get over it and do what YOU want to do. If you do want to bring it up, because you are having lots of thoughts/feelings about it, don't make it a life-or-death big deal conversation. Contrary to what Kathryn and skyshocker said, don't over-think it. It'll just make you mad/disappointed/stubborn about how the conversation "should" have turned out when it doesn't work that way. Don't try to manipulate the situation. Just treat your boyfriend like a grown-up man whose opinions deserve respect and figure it out together so you're both okay with what you come up with. If your guys' relationship is really as good as you say and you don't freak out or overthink, it should be fine. I think it’s okay to bring up your future if it’s been on your mind a lot lately. But it sounds like maybe you’re just feeling some outside pressure -”should” you be thinking about moving in together? No. You don’t haveta should do or feel anything just because some “other” force thinks you should. If that’s true, you’re just feeling like you should, then forget about it. Get over it and do what YOU want to do.

If you do want to bring it up, because you are having lots of thoughts/feelings about it, don’t make it a life-or-death big deal conversation. Contrary to what Kathryn and skyshocker said, don’t over-think it. It’ll just make you mad/disappointed/stubborn about how the conversation “should” have turned out when it doesn’t work that way. Don’t try to manipulate the situation. Just treat your boyfriend like a grown-up man whose opinions deserve respect and figure it out together so you’re both okay with what you come up with. If your guys’ relationship is really as good as you say and you don’t freak out or overthink, it should be fine.

]]> By: saturn8isgreat http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10726 saturn8isgreat Wed, 15 Nov 2006 17:25:06 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10726 I would like to know how old you both are. I think it will make a difference in how he may react. A 21 year old guy's reaction to "moving in together" will be radically different than a 35 year old's reaction. Just sayin. I would like to know how old you both are. I think it will make a difference in how he may react. A 21 year old guy’s reaction to “moving in together” will be radically different than a 35 year old’s reaction. Just sayin.

]]> By: Skyshocker http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10727 Skyshocker Wed, 15 Nov 2006 17:48:27 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10727 Excellent point saturn... Excellent point saturn…

]]> By: Sex & Moxie http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10745 Sex & Moxie Wed, 15 Nov 2006 22:37:32 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10745 I think if he hasn't made a concerted effort to make the move in together, then that's a sign that he doesn't want to. Before you talk about moving in, you have to know what his intentions are. You've both been coasting along too afraid to rock the boat. Now's the time to ask him what he wants from your relationship. If he's says he doesn't know or hasn't thought about it, take that as a signa nd move on. If he doesn't see a more solid committment than what you have, I'd walk. I think if he hasn’t made a concerted effort to make the move in together, then that’s a sign that he doesn’t want to. Before you talk about moving in, you have to know what his intentions are. You’ve both been coasting along too afraid to rock the boat. Now’s the time to ask him what he wants from your relationship. If he’s says he doesn’t know or hasn’t thought about it, take that as a signa nd move on. If he doesn’t see a more solid committment than what you have, I’d walk.

]]> By: Sandra Dee http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10804 Sandra Dee Thu, 16 Nov 2006 03:44:52 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10804 I say go for it. Nothing hurt in at least asking. I say go for it. Nothing hurt in at least asking.

]]> By: DCB http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10868 DCB Thu, 16 Nov 2006 07:03:41 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10868 I don't believe no one here called me out on my "answer". I really didn't know how to answer the question, so i just wrote about squirrels. "DATING TROUBLES: Oh, geez, people, if this constitutes dating advice, no wonder this city has such a horrible reputation as a destination for singles...DC Bachelor talks about squirrels. " http://www.readexpress.com/read_freeride/2006/11/local_blog_log_suckcessories_on_display_1.php I don’t believe no one here called me out on my “answer”.

I really didn’t know how to answer the question, so i just wrote about squirrels.

“DATING TROUBLES: Oh, geez, people, if this constitutes dating advice, no wonder this city has such a horrible reputation as a destination for singles…DC Bachelor talks about squirrels. ”
http://www.readexpress.com/read_freeride/2006/11/local_blog_log_suckcessories_on_display_1.php

]]> By: lost in translation http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10874 lost in translation Thu, 16 Nov 2006 15:19:39 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10874 for argument's sake, he is nearly 25 and i'm 21; we are at different stages in life (i think?) just because of this fact... ...which is why i ask such questions. for argument’s sake, he is nearly 25 and i’m 21; we are at different stages in life (i think?) just because of this fact…

…which is why i ask such questions.

]]> By: Ibid http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10875 Ibid Thu, 16 Nov 2006 15:25:20 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10875 You should totally over-think this. Men are deep philosophical creatures that put several layers of meaning in everything they say and do (or don't say or do). Don't go the easy route and assume that he's happy with the relationship because he hasn't asked you to move in. His not talking about moving in together is meant as a critique of your shoes. How often he cuts his hair is meant as biting satire about that last 5 pounds that you can't seem to drop. His reaction to squirrels is a clear indicator of the number of zits on your ass. Everything means something. Ok, seriously now. You may have noticed in the last 2.5 years that you're dating a guy. This particular sub-species of human tends not to fix things that aren't broken. I spent the weekend tearing down and rebuilding my chimney to fix a leak. If there was no leak I would not have been doing that. This guy that you're dating sees nothing wrong with your relationship. He's happy with things as they are so he feels no desire to fix things by moving in with you. Thus, no conversation on the subject. Now, do YOU want to move in together. Not "do other people think you should move in?" Not "we're falling behind on our relationship schedule. We should have moved in together 18 months ago." Not "it says here in Cosmo..." Do YOU want to move in? If you want to move in then you just need to let him know it's something you've been thinking about and ask his opinion. Just don't do it during his favorite show. That's what you do when you're looking for a fight. You should totally over-think this. Men are deep philosophical creatures that put several layers of meaning in everything they say and do (or don’t say or do). Don’t go the easy route and assume that he’s happy with the relationship because he hasn’t asked you to move in. His not talking about moving in together is meant as a critique of your shoes. How often he cuts his hair is meant as biting satire about that last 5 pounds that you can’t seem to drop. His reaction to squirrels is a clear indicator of the number of zits on your ass. Everything means something.

Ok, seriously now. You may have noticed in the last 2.5 years that you’re dating a guy. This particular sub-species of human tends not to fix things that aren’t broken. I spent the weekend tearing down and rebuilding my chimney to fix a leak. If there was no leak I would not have been doing that. This guy that you’re dating sees nothing wrong with your relationship. He’s happy with things as they are so he feels no desire to fix things by moving in with you. Thus, no conversation on the subject.
Now, do YOU want to move in together. Not “do other people think you should move in?” Not “we’re falling behind on our relationship schedule. We should have moved in together 18 months ago.” Not “it says here in Cosmo…” Do YOU want to move in?

If you want to move in then you just need to let him know it’s something you’ve been thinking about and ask his opinion. Just don’t do it during his favorite show. That’s what you do when you’re looking for a fight.

]]> By: Ibid http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10876 Ibid Thu, 16 Nov 2006 15:27:45 +0000 http://www.firstdatedc.com/2006/11/move-in-or-move-on#comment-10876 Well, pshaw. You're still whippersnappers. Pack on a few more years. Well, pshaw. You’re still whippersnappers. Pack on a few more years.

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